DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

[N0b0dyhere]

Firstly, this truly was an accident. We are both very against physical punishments. He was extremely apologetic to DD when it happened and he feels extremely guilty. She is okay, just a bit shaken and says it stings.

DD(7) is autistic and was having a very big meltdown. During these she can become violent and she was trying to hit us with anything she could find. DH went to slap one of the objects away and accidently caught her instead, hard enough to leave the raised imprint of 3 of his fingers.

We want to get ahead of this by telling the teacher about the incident as it'll likely be seen in PE. But will it be reported? They are fully aware of DD's meltdowns and are trying to support as much as they can but just looking at the mark from an outside perspective I'd probably think the worst.

Solidarity @Moonshiners

If this is truly what happened and it was a one-off, don't tell the school and keep her off until it's faded.

You could have social services in your life for the foreseeable future.

Fortunately when I explained they saw the funny side!

Absolutely do not keep your kid off school. This would be seen as a red flag if dd mentions it later.

Be honest and open with school. They will advise the next steps.

That's my main concern about keeping her off, if she did tell them why she didn't go in, it could make it 10 times worse.

We will see how bad it is in the morning and go from there, hopefully it fades by then. But we likely will go in an explain what happened. It might be a terrible idea but it might lead to DD having more support.

I got a call from the secondary school my son was at after he told the staff about something my now ex h had done. They asked if something had happened. I assumed it was this and just told the truth. There was no issue as they could tell I wasn't protecting my then h. Truth always. If you keep her off and it comes out later you'll look guilty. Him hitting out to knock something out of her hand needs to be looked at. There has to be a better way.

I would absolutely not be volunteering any information. Be honest if they ask, but chances are they won't notice.

Thankfully they aren't. My DS has new marks and bruises several times a week, presumably most kids do. Who is making, reading, investigating all these reports?

Why were you off school on Friday?

My mum said I had to stay home because my dad hit me and I had a mark, but it's okay it's gone now.

Fucking brilliant idea!!

What a worry for you, I really hope everything works out ok 😄.

Aha thank goodness! X

You should tell school and be transparent. If you are seen to be hiding this, it could end up worse for everyone. Also, a kid having ASD meltdowns, doesn't mean parents aren't also abusive, both can be true. How will you ensure your dd will never get hit like that again during a meltdown, even if it wasn't on purpose?

I would not keep your dd off school, what kind of example does this set, paving the way for school refusing, what would you say to her why she isn't going to school? Maybe try posting this in the SEN section, there will be posters who are experienced, AIBU is not the best idea for such a difficult situation. I hope it works out for you but yeah, do not hide this.

Where I am it's half term for two weeks after tomorrow. If it's the same for OP her child won't remember she was off before half term by the time she's back at school - she'll just think it was part of the holidays.

My children are like that as well. In the last nursery, they always wanted a detailed explanation for every single bruise. And most of the time I couldn't explain to them how it happened as they are running around all day/wrestling/jumping and falling.

Luckily the new nursery has more common sense.

There are also the kids who are being systematically abused at home. They cannot afford to turn a blind eye.

@Ablondiebutagoody I have made numerous such reports in 20 years of working with children (both teaching and non-teaching). There's a difference between a bruise on a child's knee from normal activity and fingertip bruising to the upper arm, for example. It's not a choice, if you see it you report it.

what happened immediately following him catching her with his hand though? 🤔 you say she was shaken up, how did she act the second it happened?

It looks like I’m going to be the first to say this; how did he manage to leave the imprint of 3 fingers on her?
I work in safeguarding and I have a child who has similar melt downs and I don’t understand how this could happen without him using far more force than was necessary. Where are the bruises?
The advice about keeping her off is stupid and if she goes into school and says my daddy hit me and I’ve been off school since then that will look even worse.
Tell them the truth and take any extra help that might come with this

As we have just seeing the case of the poor girl who was beaten and worse for months and neighbour stood by.

Was thinking exactly this. Surprised at the previous replies.

Oh well, since the OP hasn't said her school is off from Monday for two weeks, let's just assume she's not in one of the many areas who's school isn't off on holiday from Monday.

@pizzaHeart it was slapping in defence... the movement aimed to get the object out of the way by slapping it out of the way. There's nothing to correct in what I said.

Be honest with the school. If they know your DDs meltdowns, as you say they do, then it'll be another thing to add to the evidence of more support for your DD being needed.

Hiding it and it coming out later will look massively suspicious and will cause you a whole world of problems.

Keep a note of the dates and details as well, including who you spoke to. If your DD is anything like mine there is a good chance that this could crop up and be mentioned in three/six months time.

I also can't believe how many people are telling a random OP on the internet to keep a child with who has been left with 3 fingers marks by her father away from school. Here's bloody hoping the OP is genuine and it was an accident!

I haven’t read all the replies but absolutely yes! Am a children’s social worker and whilst the school will have to follow their policy honesty is the best policy… sounds like it may result in some support which could be helpful.