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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pulling out of a holiday with friends - AIBU

224 replies

ohdearwhatnow12 · 14/10/2024 09:26

I really need some advice on how to handle a difficult situation with my closest friend group. Earlier this year, I agreed to a trip to Centre Parcs next year. At the time, everyone was excited and I said yes, but I’ve since realised it’s just not going to be manageable for me.

To be completely honest, I’m not a huge fan of Centre Parcs anyway (not really into the idea of 4 days of activities and loads of kids), but the bigger issue is financial. My mortgage is up for renewal, and with interest rates going up, I need to prioritise my budget as our mortgage is going to double.
I’ve also already got another trip to Marbella booked with mine and my partner’s close friendship group, which is paid for, but need to save for spending money and my friend doesn’t know about that yet, and I know she’ll be pissed off when she finds out.

We’ve only paid a £50 deposit for Centre Parcs so far, so no one will lose money if I drop out, maybe the deposit - but they will need to find someone else to fill my space, or it’ll end up costing them more. I have briefly mentioned I might not be able to go, and the response I got was, ‘What, you can’t find £100?’ But it’s not just that—it’s the fuel, money for while I’m there, activities everyone will want to do, food, and so on. It all adds up quickly, and it’s a bigger commitment than just that initial amount. Then she said I can’t expect people to pay more if we can't find anyone else. I mean, I'm not sure what she's insinuating with that response. I've suggested cancelling the current cabin, and moving to a smaller one so it won't cost anyone any extra and worst case if they lose the deposit I'll cover that loss and I got a response 'thanks I will taaaaaaa' sarcasm at its finest.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 14/10/2024 09:29

That's a bit shit OP. It's next year! You've got time to save up a bit for activities and food, you can even duck out of some of the activities and chill in the cabin.

Chocolatelover13 · 14/10/2024 09:31

Just tell them now and let them decide what to do. I wouldn’t agree to still go and either be stressed about paying for it it or getting into debt for it. Centreparcs isn’t worth it.

Woahtherehoney · 14/10/2024 09:31

Yeah sorry OP if you drop out of this your friends will quite rightly have the hump with you - I know I would be furious if my friend did this to me then went to Marbella!

It’s fine to pull out but I think you need to accept it’ll majorly piss your friends off as you’re leaving them with more money to pay because of your own indecision.

GCAcademic · 14/10/2024 09:33

Just give them the £100 and don't go. That way they're not losing money through your flakiness, and you're avoiding the fuel, food and activity costs.

MeMyCatsAndI · 14/10/2024 09:33

It's next year, surely you knew your mortgage was going to increase before you said yes? It's a bit shit to let them down, you probably won't have a friendship left if you back out.

Ivehearditbothways · 14/10/2024 09:33

You knew the price of it, you knew what the trip was and what it would involve. You knew exactly what you were saying yes to, and you still said yes. Nothing has changed; your friends haven’t moved the goalposts or anything. This is all you, so the “rule” is that you have to pay your share of the accommodation even if you drop out. It isn’t fair to tell them they all have to pay more. If they find someone else to take your place, then you don’t pay because they will. But if they don’t then you need to pay your share of the accommodation.
If you don’t want to then fine, but you’ll have to accept that you’re the one committing the social faux pas and people may get frosty with you. You’ll just have to accept it because you’re in the wrong.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/10/2024 09:35

YABU and if you can't find someone to take your place you should pay your share. It's not fair on your friends to have to sub you - you agreed to a share of the cost, and you should pay that. You're saying you can't afford it, but why do you think your friends should pay extra because you've changed your mind?

YOYOK · 14/10/2024 09:36

I think the responsibility does lie with you. Why should they have to find people to replace you?

Original poster
ohdearwhatnow12 · 14/10/2024 09:36

I've even said, cancel it, rebook with a smaller cabin and I'll pay the deposit you lose to cover the loss

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 14/10/2024 09:37

I do think this is a bit rubbish OP. It was absolutely fine to not want to go, but you should have said this before they booked it.

It also looks pretty bad that you can afford to go to Marbella with your partners friends but not go away with your friends - if I have read that right?

You can chose not to go, but you need to pay your share so as not to leave anyone else out of pocket. Or you (not them) can find someone to fill your space that your other friends are happy with.

MeMyCatsAndI · 14/10/2024 09:37

ohdearwhatnow12 · 14/10/2024 09:36

I've even said, cancel it, rebook with a smaller cabin and I'll pay the deposit you lose to cover the loss

It'll probably cost more to cancel and rebook, they always go up in price the closer to the date it is.

Could you not pay your share of the £100 that way they still get the cabin but you don't need to shell out on petrol etc

Danioyellow · 14/10/2024 09:38

FrenchandSaunders · 14/10/2024 09:29

That's a bit shit OP. It's next year! You've got time to save up a bit for activities and food, you can even duck out of some of the activities and chill in the cabin.

This. I absolutely hate how shit and flakey everyone has become lately. There was literally a thread about it last night, where people were generally blaming WhatsApp for shit behaviour as people can hide behind their phone messages than risk being called out on bad behaviour face to face. You eagerly agreed to the holiday, it’s been planned booked and partially paid for. And now you want to pull out for no reason at all really. Nothings happened to change your situation, you knew you had another holiday booked etc. Centre parks will be no more or less shit next year so I’m not sure why you’re now complaining about the location. Unless there was an emergency stopping you going, I don’t think you’ve got a good excuse to suddenly put stress and money issues on your friends over something they were all looking forward to

Pumpkinpie1 · 14/10/2024 09:38

There’s lots of free things todo at centerparcs , it doesn’t need to cost a lot of money OP . I think it’s more a case you’ve had a better offer and no longer want to go .
Thats your choice . We’re you’re children looking forward to going ? Will it affect their friendships ?

HotSource · 14/10/2024 09:38

You have to tell her NOW and you really should cover any extra cost it costs them.

It’s on you that you agreed even tho it isn’t your thing, and it’s on you that you have prioritised Marbella.

2dogsandabudgie · 14/10/2024 09:38

So the actual holiday is £100, plus money for food, fuel and activities? I've never been to Center Parcs, are some activities free? How long is the holiday for?

I think it's really bad to cancel, you have loads of time to save up.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/10/2024 09:38

Yeah, I agree that you need to pay your share of the accommodation costs so that they're not out of pocket or inconvenienced in any way.

It might be different if you were unable to go because of unexpected circumstances but the reasons you have listed were all very foreseeable so you shouldn't have agreed to go if you weren't actually committed to sticking to it. Of course your friends are going to be irritated by the flakiness.

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/10/2024 09:38

OP is allowed to change her mind.

If smaller cabins are available they can downsize. If not give them £50 and be done with it. They have six months to find someone else.

Going under duress would be awkward.

WimpoleHat · 14/10/2024 09:39

YABU. You agreed to the trip on the basis of a clear set of costs and parameters. As did everyone else. And some poor sod’s name is on the booking and s/he is actually on the hook for it. I think it’s too late to change your mind at this point. Wouldn’t you be pissed off if someone on your Marbella trip changed their mind and it ended up costing you more money?

garlictwist · 14/10/2024 09:41

From your message it sounds like you just don't want to go and the money side is an excuse. If you really wanted to do it, you'd find a way. It's a bit shit to pull out but do it sooner rather than later.

2dogsandabudgie · 14/10/2024 09:41

ohdearwhatnow12 · 14/10/2024 09:36

I've even said, cancel it, rebook with a smaller cabin and I'll pay the deposit you lose to cover the loss

Perhaps they don't want the hassle of having to do that?

Nap1983 · 14/10/2024 09:42

cancelling a holiday a year in advance because of finances would be ok in my book…. IF you weren't going to Marbella with another friend group…

Danioyellow · 14/10/2024 09:42

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/10/2024 09:38

OP is allowed to change her mind.

If smaller cabins are available they can downsize. If not give them £50 and be done with it. They have six months to find someone else.

Going under duress would be awkward.

Of course she’s allowed to change her mind. But she’ll also have to accept the fact she’s messed everyone around and her friends are likely to think she’s a bit of a twat. Especially when they find out she’s going abroad with her partners mates. Presumably there’s a certain set of friends going on this holiday which is why they’ve booked it together, there may not be another friend they could or would be happy to invite along to take her place

Pumpkinpie1 · 14/10/2024 09:42

The swimming is free . We always self cater and do pack ups. Lots of play areas and walks to explore.
We take our own bikes , swing ball , archery set and lots of games , crafts etc we Enjoy barbecues and mixing with friends .

Livelaughlurgy · 14/10/2024 09:42

Tell them you're not going, you've changed your mind. Briefly mentioning you might not be able to go and 5 million conflicting excuses is only adding fuel to the fire. Also accept that you're being a bit of a pain in the arse and are letting them down. They're entitled to get the hump and you're entitled to change your mind. Doesn't mean you won't be hurting feelings though.

SpottySpotSpots · 14/10/2024 09:44

"Then she said I can’t expect people to pay more if we can't find anyone else. I mean, I'm not sure what she's insinuating with that response."

I mean, she's being fairly clear I'd have thought - you pay up whether you go or not, since you've changed your mind after it was agreed and booked.
I'd be being sarcastic with you too tbh, but then I'm sick of people not sticking to commitments for lame reasons.