Pulling out of a holiday with friends - AIBU

[ohdearwhatnow12]

I really need some advice on how to handle a difficult situation with my closest friend group. Earlier this year, I agreed to a trip to Centre Parcs next year. At the time, everyone was excited and I said yes, but I’ve since realised it’s just not going to be manageable for me.

To be completely honest, I’m not a huge fan of Centre Parcs anyway (not really into the idea of 4 days of activities and loads of kids), but the bigger issue is financial. My mortgage is up for renewal, and with interest rates going up, I need to prioritise my budget as our mortgage is going to double.
I’ve also already got another trip to Marbella booked with mine and my partner’s close friendship group, which is paid for, but need to save for spending money and my friend doesn’t know about that yet, and I know she’ll be pissed off when she finds out.

We’ve only paid a £50 deposit for Centre Parcs so far, so no one will lose money if I drop out, maybe the deposit - but they will need to find someone else to fill my space, or it’ll end up costing them more. I have briefly mentioned I might not be able to go, and the response I got was, ‘What, you can’t find £100?’ But it’s not just that—it’s the fuel, money for while I’m there, activities everyone will want to do, food, and so on. It all adds up quickly, and it’s a bigger commitment than just that initial amount. Then she said I can’t expect people to pay more if we can't find anyone else. I mean, I'm not sure what she's insinuating with that response. I've suggested cancelling the current cabin, and moving to a smaller one so it won't cost anyone any extra and worst case if they lose the deposit I'll cover that loss and I got a response 'thanks I will taaaaaaa' sarcasm at its finest.

AIBU?

Absolutely agree the dynamic would be different, but that is not the OPs responsibility to fix, it is not something she can fix beyond apologising, if she needs to pull out. Financial losses she should fix.

It’s next year, mate. If you can save for Marbella, why can’t you save up for CP? I think the excuse is a bit flimsy.

And this contributes to the discussion how?

People like OP are the reason I generally book my own solo hotel room when I go away anywhere with a group of friends these days.

I mean to be fair to my friends all bar one usually have good reasons for pulling out, and make good any costs, but I would rather not put our friendship to the test and it's easier to know what I'm paying up front.

If I was the CP organiser I'd make damn sure I never included you in any trip invite again. Does that sound mean ? I don't really care, just as OP didn't really care about going to CP in the first place.

I mean, it's one time.

Surely over the course of a long friendship, people are allowed at least one flake-out? It's not as though she does this at every turn with this group of friends.

If they are that rigid and unforgiving, who wants them as friends, anyway? Would they really want her to attend under duress?

I think she'd be fine to pull out six months in advance.

To my mind, there is a big difference between letting your existing friends down for a new friendship group and a newish partner, than accepting that life has already moved on. Of course it's important to keep up with your friends but I don't think that needs to be to the tune of a week's holiday abroad. Are your friends also married? Do you/they have children?

I'm glad you're not my friend. Once you say you're going, other than in emergency or extreme circumstances, you GP, end of.

Bless you. You haven’t been, have you?

There’s the fact they aren’t remotely similar - I’ve been to both, enjoyed both, and enjoyed many different kinds of holiday - and the fact there’s nothing wrong with Butlins anyway.

That’s why I suspect she hasn’t been to both!

YABU

I think she'd be fine to pull out six months in advance.

Not an option for the poor friend who has made the booking, though, is it? Her name is on the contract that she signed because all her friends had committed to go…. She’s the one who’ll get taken to court if she doesn’t pay. Not the OP. Why does the six months make any difference? The motto of this story must be “always get full payment upfront before you book anything non cancellable for anyone else”!

The issue here is quite clearly not money related, you just can’t be arsed to go. And that’s annoying because don’t agree to something you don’t want to do. Maybe the other families wouldn’t have booked if they’d known it was just going to be them. You cancelling probably changes the whole dynamic. It drives me fucking bananas when people assume that cancelling on plans like these doesn’t affect anyone else but themselves.

This.

It sounds like it’s not the money, just sounds like you can’t be arsed which is fine if you don’t value these friendships. I’d suck it up for the sake of really important relationships though. Your choice.

I'm not convinced this is a real post, OP hasn't been back on, and getting CP for £100 a person is pretty unlikely - she has said loads of kids will be there so school holiday or weekend, not a cheap mid week break. Just a bit sus to me.

CP is full of kids all year round!

It's £150 as she's paid a deposit already. And CP is full of kids whenever you go.

If they are going off peak, sharing rooms and booked well in advance (and potentially had some sort of discount from a previous stay) £150 each sounds about what I'd think.

yep, I just had a brief look - £599 for a 6 person chalet in october next year = £100 p/p, so £150p/p covers up to a 50% increase on that. And of course there are kids year round, lots of families who only have younger children under school age deliberately take them out of holiday season precisely because it's cheaper!

Center Parcs is expensive. Every activity costs a lot. If you don't want to go, don't, but you should let the others know ASAP so they are not out of pocket.

Time was, commitments were binding.

If they lose money because you are a flake, you should reimburse it. You can take your own food to CP and you don’t have to do activities, just hang out in the swimming area.

Basically, it sounds more that you can’t be arsed than it will cost too much for you.

She’s not being asked to attend under duress, she’s being asked to make good on her commitments.

It’s pretty shit to pull out of a planned event with friends especially if you’ve booked another event with other friends do you prefer them more? That’s what I’d be thinking if I was your Centre Parcs friends

Its a bit crappy to cancel and smacks of you've had a better offer so you've dropped your friends holiday.

To me, these things aren't just about covering the financial aspect, its also about making a commitment and the disappointment when people start pulling out.

Have you actually priced up the smaller cabin and then taking account of the £50 per person deposit, how do you actually think they can re book this smaller cabin and not be out of pocket?? In fact if it’s two to each room then it’s unlikely one person dropping out would result in a smaller cabin anyway.