Pulling out of a holiday with friends - AIBU

[ohdearwhatnow12]

I really need some advice on how to handle a difficult situation with my closest friend group. Earlier this year, I agreed to a trip to Centre Parcs next year. At the time, everyone was excited and I said yes, but I’ve since realised it’s just not going to be manageable for me.

To be completely honest, I’m not a huge fan of Centre Parcs anyway (not really into the idea of 4 days of activities and loads of kids), but the bigger issue is financial. My mortgage is up for renewal, and with interest rates going up, I need to prioritise my budget as our mortgage is going to double.
I’ve also already got another trip to Marbella booked with mine and my partner’s close friendship group, which is paid for, but need to save for spending money and my friend doesn’t know about that yet, and I know she’ll be pissed off when she finds out.

We’ve only paid a £50 deposit for Centre Parcs so far, so no one will lose money if I drop out, maybe the deposit - but they will need to find someone else to fill my space, or it’ll end up costing them more. I have briefly mentioned I might not be able to go, and the response I got was, ‘What, you can’t find £100?’ But it’s not just that—it’s the fuel, money for while I’m there, activities everyone will want to do, food, and so on. It all adds up quickly, and it’s a bigger commitment than just that initial amount. Then she said I can’t expect people to pay more if we can't find anyone else. I mean, I'm not sure what she's insinuating with that response. I've suggested cancelling the current cabin, and moving to a smaller one so it won't cost anyone any extra and worst case if they lose the deposit I'll cover that loss and I got a response 'thanks I will taaaaaaa' sarcasm at its finest.

AIBU?

If it were me organizing the trip and my friend pulled out I'd be fine if I had time to rearrange the accommodation.

BUT if I had kids and it was a friend with kids and we were all going, and then she decided to go with partner instead I guess I'd feel fairly gilted.
Because I'd have liked the kids to all be together as that would be fun for them too.

So the circumstances are important too.

I think this is fine.
If I was your friends I'd be really pissed off about the other holiday though.

This is what happens when you say yes to something that was always going to be a no. You don't even like Center Parcs.
Now you can't be arsed and would rather spend the cost on something else, like your other holiday with your other friends.
It's awkward now. You've already floated the idea that you 'might' not make it and faced resistence.
Bet you wish you'd simply said, "I don't fancy it but you lot have a great time.", in the first place. Next time, do that.

I think they might fall out with you which would be a shame because you don't sound horrible. Your OP reads from a flake's perspective. You've bitten off more than you can chew.

Saving grace, you have given plenty of notice and offered a resolution. Hope it works out ok for you.

Soooo you've basically chosen your partners mate’s trip over the one with your friends agreed a while ago. Nice.

We didn’t do any of the extras….we took our own bikes and food and Nintendo and hung out in the pool.

Yeah that’s pretty shit. If you weren’t going to Marbella then understandable. But you’re taking the piss.

Not cool OP

Yes people can change their mind but they have to accept that if this decision impacts others then they may well lose friends because of it. The OP doesn't like cp so even if she felt uncomfortable saying no as they were talking about it she could have said I will need to check my diary/finances or something else and then said no. Even we have already got a holiday booked and I can't afford both would be a perfectly reasonable and understandable response.

It’s very flaky.

There is tons to do in CentreParcs that cost nothing. The pool is free, the walks, the nature.

Its next year, if you can afford a Marbella trip (I couldn’t), you can afford to save a couple of hundred for some extra food / fuel.

Shit excuse. You knew your mortgage was up for renewal, you still booked Marbella? Unfortunately your friends will probably drop you after this (I would) so you need to pay £100? It's really not a lot of money if you have until next year. Surely you can put away £20 a month until you go? I think you need to stand with what you planned OP and go still. I'm sure you'll find spending money for Marbella? You can tell them you're coming but let them know you intend to self cater and bring packed lunches out. Swimming is free there, there's plenty of walks, bring some board games, have a movie night in with a few snacks you can make this work.

I think you got caught up in the excitement of all going away and then when you thought about it you decided you didn’t want to go. Yeah you are free to change your mind but you then need to deal with the consequences.

i think it’s shit that you’ve agreed and now are saying no. Be prepared for it to affect your friendship if you don’t go. It’s not till next year still plenty time to save up.

Why are you going to Marbella if you're short of cash?.

I think the issue is you’re putting all the hassle & responsibility onto your friends.

Why should they have the hassle of having to cancel & rebook? You’ve said you’ll cover the loss but they maybe do not trust you’ll keep your work without further hassle.

Youre the one cancelling and should be the one to find the solution. As others have said, you should pay the £100 so no one is out-of-pocket due to your choice. You could also say that - if they did want to invite someone in your place (there may be someone), you’d appreciate the refund at that point.

But it’s not on your friends to scurry about trying to avoid the financial impact of an issue you’ve caused.

YABU OP, sorry, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't drop out. Just own that you're being unreasonable and a bit selfish.

You're not strapped for cash, you've made a choice priority wise, and they're not your priority.

In your shoes I'd pay the £100 quid and not go to salvage the friendship

Also, yes they'll be fucked off when they find out about Marbella (which they will), I certainly would be! I personally would be keeping you at a distance as I'd think you're not the "close friend" I thought you were.

Firstly - be honest, you DONT actually want to go, the whole money this is just absolute bs, you have loads of time to save. Its pretty shit to pretend to want to go and say yes, and be all excited, then suddenly months down the line, decide you dont want to, but you could find the money for another holiday. Yes, you are allowed to change your mind, but fgs, be honest. Also - expect this friendship group to possibly go quiet on you because they'll probably be pissed off.

Op I'm doing Germany at Christmas for 3 days in December. My share of the euro tunnel and hotel is £190 and I just need some spending money. I have a baby on the way and I only work part time atm and have rent and bills to pay but I can make it work. How? Well I've knew about the trip for a few months so I packed in things like mooching round the shops, stopping in convenience stores, Ive found cheaper recipes to make for dinner/lunch to cut back on grocery shopping, I try to walk to local places instead of drive to cut back on fuel it's all doable and I've saved hell of a lot. When I'm away I don't eat out 3 times a day. For breakfast and lunch I'm partial to just get a pack of pastry's from the super market and have 1 each day for breakfast, lunch I'll pick up a meal deal for £3 instead of eating in a restaurant and dinner I'll find a cheap Italian usually as I can grab a pizza for £12 and a drink for £3. A multipack of water from the supermarket and bring a few in my bag for the day! I won't go crazy at the Christmas markets, I'm going to enjoy the company of my DP and his parents and the beautiful scenery really. I travel a lot on a budget it's really not too hard if you put thought into it. I don't earn much a month and have been to 4 countries this year all costing me a few hundred per trip. It's doable. No my in laws don't mind that I do it on a budget even though they have way more money than me. They'd rather me not get in debt and live within my means and that's fine!

Why should they? You need to pay your share and don't go as they should not miss out or go and stay in a smaller cabin as you have only just realised you can't afford it. You are the one who is being unreasonable imo.

This. A lot of holier than thou responses. So another holiday has been booked and something has to give so the op has decided she would prefer to go on the other holiday for whatever reasons. Nothing wrong with that. Booking a group holiday is always with the risk of someone pulling out for whatever reason. As suggested many times, either the group books a smaller cabin, they split the £100 or the op pays the £100. Center Parcs isn’t cheap when you get there. Everything is expensive on site and everything is charged for, so the op is not being unreasonable.

If it's the spending money you are worried about, for the sake of the friendship just pay the £100 you owe towards the accommodation and then just don't go. You not being there shouldn't affect the cost of activities etc for anyone else.

You should not have said yes if you weren't sure.
Lesson learnt.

Booking a group holiday is always with the risk of someone pulling out for whatever reason.

Pity the poor sod whose name is on the booking and is legally liable for the whole cost then…..

But wouldn't that cost you more than £100 anyway? How many people are going?
Just pay your share of accommodation and don't insist people run around cancelling and rebooking just for your convenience. You made a decision not to go, it's not their job to accommodate you. Pay up and stay home.

I would say if your not bothered about staying friends with these people then don’t go

I wouldn’t speak to someone again whos flakiness cost me money

It is not unusual to be able to afford one thing and not another so going to Marbella shouldn’t be a problem. Are you all saying you would give up a holiday with your family so you can have a weekend away with friends? Circumstances change and actually it is perfectly ok to prioritise what you spend your money on. Unfortunately it sounds like the op felt she had to say yes, and then regretted it, but lesson learned. Always say you will think about it and look at finances before agreeing to things like this.

Re the mortgage - at the point of renewal, you can shop around different banks and lenders for a better deal?