Baby burnt by hot tea

[Redlorryyellowcar]

awful day, had to to take our baby to A&E after a cup hot tea was spilt over baby.

I was upstairs and DH was looking after baby (holding baby and holding cup of tea). Baby was very brave and has been bandaged by medics and will be mostly okay.
At the time he came to tell me holding out bright red baby I was furious and called him an idiot at least 4 times and angrily said what were you thinking.
i realise it was an accident and ive said sorry to DH a number of times for getting cross in the heat of the moment. He is barely talking to me all day. I’ve said nice things like ‘it could have happened to anyone’ ‘don’t blame yourself/ forgive yourself’ ‘baby will get better baby will be okay’ and lots of reassuring but he’s basically blanking me (he has form for this).

I do understand I shouldn’t have had a go at him and he would have felt bad enough for what has happened. I do wish I could go back and be calmer and more understanding. But I can’t go back in time, I can’t un do it.
I guesss in my defense seeing my baby like that was utter panic and my mama bear kicked in and I thought how could you be so careless and cause possibly life changing injuries

my AIBU

YABU - you need to keep apologising and wait for him to forgive you, you really shouldn’t have called him and idiot when it was an accident

YANBU - you’ve said sorry more than once and he’s punishing you because he feels bad about what happened

A preventable accident though.... Seriously who holds both?

How old is the baby ?
Does he normally show a lack of common sense?

Well given that you have to be an absolute fucking idiot to hold a baby and a hot cup of tea at the same time, I don’t think he deserves an apology. He should feel like an idiot, because he is one.

I wouldn't have apologised.

He was an idiot and it shouldn't happen to anyone, entirely preventable accident.

Don't reassure him like a toddler, you did what most mothers would do when you see your baby injured and he's being an arsehole trying to gain superiority by ignoring you and getting you in the position where you're apologising to him. Shame you already have a baby with him, I can't stand sulky men

Baby is a year.

I still feel angry, he feels angry.

I hope we just get a good nights sleep and have a better day tomorrow?

I think he probably feels awful enough as it is, and doesn't need it to be discussed over and over again.

But you’re right. He shouldn’t have been holding the baby and a hot cup of tea at the same time.

He feels ANGRY ?!
No, he should feel awful.and be promising to be more careful in future.

It's an accident but one that shows very poor judgement. I'd expect parents to be aware that you don't hold a hot drink and a baby at the same time. It's pretty basic. And your baby has been hurt by his very poor judgement. He has no right to be angry at you, and you were right to be angry at him.

Don't apologise to him any more. Don't apologise for being angry and upset in the moment.

How has he managed to twist it so that you’re apologising to him? It was a stupid, irresponsible thing for him to do. I would be furious as well. You were well within your rights to have a go at him. If my DH did that I’d do worse than just calling him an idiot. Seriously stop apologising to him, he’s the one who should be sorry.

That’s how I feel. He said he didn’t expect baby to wiggle/ lunge. Almost like he explained how it happened was because baby moved…

Depends.

If you both previously agreed a rule where you never hold hot drinks and baby at the same time, then he is an utter dick.

If you and him both occasionally take a slurp of tea whilst holding the baby, but today his hand slipped, then you have no right to be angry at all. It could just as easily been you.

"He didn't expect a baby to wriggle/lunge" - has he never held a baby??? That's what they do! Wriggle and lunge.

I can’t believe you apologised at all, I would have been apoplectic. He should have been repeatedly apologising to you, not the other way round. Plus being moody and silent when he’s quite rightfully been picked up on something is a big red flag.

It could not have happened to anyone and he is an idiot. Stop appeasing him and tell him to grow up.

I know I still feel justified in being angry but I want to know if IABU because it’s not like he intentionally did it. He clearly is v worried about baby.

hes angry because he said it wasn’t helping anyone to have a go at him and I should have been focusing on baby (I was, I was multitasking). He feels it was unnecessary and nasty to have a go at him.

i think calling him an idiot was very restrained of me

Stop apologising to him. He is an absolute idiot and could have permanently scarred your baby (or worse).

I spilled a hot cup of tea on my own hands years ago and it was the worst pain I have ever experienced - far worse than childbirth.

It couldn’t have happened to anyone, because anyone with any sense wouldn’t go near a baby with a hot cup of tea.

What was he expecting then? That the baby would stay stiff as a board? Has he never seen a baby, of course they move.

The second one. I have had a tea on a side table and leaned over to take a slurp.

I just don’t feel it would ever have happened to me as I would have had the baby so far away from the tea

So there is a strong change of permanent scarring (albeit a small ish scar)

When someone with responsibility for the care of a baby makes such a large error of judgment that results in harm to the baby, then it is entirely appropriate and not nasty to express your anger and disappointment.

I would have called him more than an idiot

Hope your baby is ok!

Why should you apologise to him because he was stupid enough to take a risk with his baby? There are constant warnings everywhere about the dangers of hot drinks around babies. He should be apologising.

And it doesn’t matter that it was an accident. It’s stupid and preventable. He needs to use better judgment. I’d be fucking furious, and if he was saying anything other than what an idiot he was and how awful he felt, and how sorry he was, I’d be getting angrier.

He’s apologised to baby but not to me..