Baby burnt by hot tea

[Redlorryyellowcar]

awful day, had to to take our baby to A&E after a cup hot tea was spilt over baby.

I was upstairs and DH was looking after baby (holding baby and holding cup of tea). Baby was very brave and has been bandaged by medics and will be mostly okay.
At the time he came to tell me holding out bright red baby I was furious and called him an idiot at least 4 times and angrily said what were you thinking.
i realise it was an accident and ive said sorry to DH a number of times for getting cross in the heat of the moment. He is barely talking to me all day. I’ve said nice things like ‘it could have happened to anyone’ ‘don’t blame yourself/ forgive yourself’ ‘baby will get better baby will be okay’ and lots of reassuring but he’s basically blanking me (he has form for this).

I do understand I shouldn’t have had a go at him and he would have felt bad enough for what has happened. I do wish I could go back and be calmer and more understanding. But I can’t go back in time, I can’t un do it.
I guesss in my defense seeing my baby like that was utter panic and my mama bear kicked in and I thought how could you be so careless and cause possibly life changing injuries

my AIBU

YABU - you need to keep apologising and wait for him to forgive you, you really shouldn’t have called him and idiot when it was an accident

YANBU - you’ve said sorry more than once and he’s punishing you because he feels bad about what happened

Well he was a fucking idiot so what else were you supposed to call him, I can't believe he's angry with you, I wouldn't have apologised at all, that's his job 💐

Baby was discharged so it’s not serious to stay in which is a good sign.
because baby was wearing clothes and not naked, the fabric took some of the initial force of it.

baby has a special burns dressing on and I’m going back in 48 hours to see how it’s progressed. They said it would scar for a long time but may fade in adulthood. I did cry at the hospital when they said this. Baby just has the most perfect fresh skin, it’s heart breaking

i just want to scream at DH that’s he’s a selfish thoughtless pig. But I guess it wouldn’t help anyone and probably wouldn’t make me feel better

@Redlorryyellowcar

So there is a strong change of permanent scarring (albeit a small ish scar)

😲😲

I'm so dopey it's untrue (autism and dyspraxic) and I have no common sense but I've luckily never hurt by babies by accident.

If he felt bad fair enough. Things happen.

But you are somehow taking the blame away from him.

He does feel really bad. He feels bad for baby and bad for himself

Good point. This thread has made me think actually. I do go to cafes with my 8mo who could be in buggy or highchair or lap so at some point I probably am holding both cup and baby. I will be more careful. Easier at home where baby is usually in highchair eating herself whilst I get the rare opportunity to sit and drink.

Oh I’m so glad if this has even helped one other person. Once it’s done it can’t be undone. Nothing can take away the drive to A&E listening to baby scream

what id love to know is why did he bring baby to you and hold baby out to you, rather than running under cold water, grabbing cold compress and calling for you to help. Why was his first instinct when faced with an injured child, in pain, to hand off responsibility to you- not give child first aid?

My baby had very hot tea (no milk!) split over her at 6 months old, in a cafe. It was horrendous. We were told the scar might be permanent but it was gone within a year or so - it just gradually faded from red back to normal. Hope that might help, OP. And that your H is able to accept responsibility for his mistake instead of twisting it back onto you.

Thank you. So so helpful

He’s angry at you because he knows he’s an idiot (hopefully). You are allowed to be angry at him! He hurt your baby and now he’s sulking. Stop apologising.

Hope you all get some rest after what must have been a long day.

This. It's common sense. Poor little baby.

Agree. Or who drinks hot tea around a baby or young child. Only drank it warm around the kids. Entirely preventable.

Get ready for his big fuck up giving him the perfect excuse to never look after his DC on his own again.
He should only be quiet through shame. There are only 2 options here to describe him, either MH issue and sinister, or monumental stupidity. I'd have trouble not getting the ick with someone being that thick.

Did he really bring the baby to you rather than pour cold water over the scalded area and shout to you for help? If so, apart from rightly being told he’s been irresponsible, he needs a first aid course.

A cup of tea and a one year old? He IS a total fucking idiot.

Stop apologising for your reaction. How much apologising has he done for being an idiot?

Accidents happen my son was burned by caramel at a similar age we were at a restaurant and the server put mils dessert right by me when I had ds in my arms he grabbed at it so fast I grabbed his hand and shoved it in my mouth (burning my mouth) to get it off his skin he had huge blisters over his fingers the manager tried to blame me for ordering it I explained it wasn't mine I'm gluten intolerant (I told him because he looked sceptical) the waitress just put it there he freaked out yelled at her WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT! and then made sure I was "just" intolerant ds did scar a little but he is now 11 and you can't tell he was ever burned

Everyone was really apologetic

Not sure how he’s managed to make you the bad guy in this. DH once left the stair gate open and baby fell down the stairs and ended up in A&E. Tried an “accidents happen” kind of approach. I ripped him a new one. Not on my watch, they bloody don’t.

and I should have been focusing on baby (I was, I was multitasking).

Why should you have been focussing on baby, when he was the one holding baby??

Has he just met your child? That's such a poor excuse, youd be stupid to think holding a 1 year old and cup of tea as likely they will grab it. Stop trying to apologise to him, yes it was an accident but I think most would respond like you did

Did he at least know what to do when it happened, what first aid to give for a burn?

I have a feeling he may well be feeling like an idiot and embarrassed and angry at himself and his unreasonable response is to blank you so he doesn't have to face how much he knows he fucked up. Very childish really.

Agree with this tbh. I think it was an accident, yes stupid on his part but tbh most accidents to babies are stupid on part of adult minding him.

I'd imagine he feels awful, guilty etc as anyone would but id also imagine like a lot of adults that if you've been constantly berating him for stupidity then hes reacting to that, not to his own feelings of guilt. Id try and calm things down and talk as opposed to accuse and shout. Just to be clear if it had been you who'd done it id have same advice. Accidents happen, most are stupid, some are not but im not sure theres a parent alive who's never done something that on retrospect was a bit risky, stupid etc

He IS a stupid, careless idiot so... 🤷🏼‍♀️

You have nothing to apologise for. HE should be apologising and remorseful. Why isn't he?

And he just came and held the baby out to you?? Didn't run the burn under cold water?

Sounds like you have two babies.

Is he usually like this?

He should be angry with no one but himself.

Stop apologising fgs, its his fault he has to have the balls to accept his mistake and move on, together.