Baby burnt by hot tea

[Redlorryyellowcar]

awful day, had to to take our baby to A&E after a cup hot tea was spilt over baby.

I was upstairs and DH was looking after baby (holding baby and holding cup of tea). Baby was very brave and has been bandaged by medics and will be mostly okay.
At the time he came to tell me holding out bright red baby I was furious and called him an idiot at least 4 times and angrily said what were you thinking.
i realise it was an accident and ive said sorry to DH a number of times for getting cross in the heat of the moment. He is barely talking to me all day. I’ve said nice things like ‘it could have happened to anyone’ ‘don’t blame yourself/ forgive yourself’ ‘baby will get better baby will be okay’ and lots of reassuring but he’s basically blanking me (he has form for this).

I do understand I shouldn’t have had a go at him and he would have felt bad enough for what has happened. I do wish I could go back and be calmer and more understanding. But I can’t go back in time, I can’t un do it.
I guesss in my defense seeing my baby like that was utter panic and my mama bear kicked in and I thought how could you be so careless and cause possibly life changing injuries

my AIBU

YABU - you need to keep apologising and wait for him to forgive you, you really shouldn’t have called him and idiot when it was an accident

YANBU - you’ve said sorry more than once and he’s punishing you because he feels bad about what happened

YANBU you’ve apologised and now you just need to give him time.

If my DH called me an idiot multiple times, then I couldn’t just immediately forgive him just because he apologised.

He doesn’t owe you an apology, as he didn’t burn you.

I completely get why you’d be so angry.
I would be secretly so mad, especially in the moment.

But this was an accident.

Both of you have had a such shock and I think you’ll both feel better after a good nights sleep.

Lots of people on here have said they had no scarring. My sister has a scar in both thighs from 34 years ago. She had to cover up in the sun.

I knocked over a freshly made cup of tea with no milk with my two week old on my lap. Most of it went on my leg but his leg and feet caught some too. Straight to A&E and fortunately no long lasting damage, but the guilt and fear of what could have been stays with you. It was an accident, and accidents happen. He most likely feels awful and did so at the time too so your reaction was probably really upsetting for him. And your reaction was normal too - your saw your baby hurt and you panicked and lashed out.

Both of you have had a stressful and emotionally draining day. You need to stop apologising, but also be patient whilst he starts to stop being so angry with himself.

I expect him to be with you when baby returns for the check up in a couple of days time.

I would also book him onto a paediatric 1st aid course - they are available at weekends and evenings if he says he can't do one during the working week.
as he should / ought to have dealt with the accident immediately and not come looking for you.

If my DH called me an idiot multiple times, then I couldn’t just immediately forgive him just because he apologised

This - an apology doesn’t immediately take away someone’s pain.

So you know that his behaviour is narcissistic. So stop questioning yourself and start working out how you will keep yourself and your child physically and emotionally safe from this vile man.

I used to have a hot drink on the table next to the sofa. I would let it cool before drinking it and also make sure the baby was on one side and my slurping on the other.

He shouldn't have been holding a scolding hot cup of liquid while holding a baby.

He's been negligent and should feel like shit.

I would hope that if he's angry, he's angry at himself for what's happened.

If that's not the case, then he sounds quite shitty.

It’s one of the most common injuries. That and falling of changing tables. Yeah it’s shit and id still be mad. Give it time. Hopefully he never does anything like that again.

He must hate himself so much and feel so guilty

A CUP OF TEA AND A BABY omg the pickle

Just order a set of travel mugs and be done with it.

also get straw tumblers for cold drinks. No real danger, just convenient with toddlers who will mess with anything they can find.

Which part of the body is it?

Did he administer any first aid (cooling) or just present you with a scalded baby?

If the former, I'd be booking him onto a paediatric first aid course ASAP

You shouldn’t have apologised. Your child was hurt. A friend’s daughter had a cup of coffee spilt over her at a similar age. She has scarring down one side of her body and recently (as a teen) had to undergo surgery on the resulting scars to release them as she is growing. A surgery that required several weeks off school.

I'm sorry this happened to your baby.

Your reaction was normal. And I think, so is his. He has a lot of emotions to process. I would give him space and focus on baby and yourself tonight. See how you feel in the morning.

Yes, it was preventable but people make mistakes and it is easy to get complacent with babies. You have made me think about some of the more risky things I've done around my kids and I will be more the wiser for reading this post. If he has form for taking silly risks around your children, or if he ever holds her and hot drink again you know there's a problem to be addressed. If he learns from mistakes then perhaps it's just one of those things. Your git instinct will tell you.

I hope your baby recovers soon.

Well, he is a fucking idiot. Yeah, I'm sure many of us have taken a sip of a hot drink while holding a baby. But not a just-made cup of tea. You wait till it's cool enough to do no real damage. And not without sitting down and holding baby well away from the cup and making sure you had a firm grip on both.

We all make mistakes but if he really gave a shit he would be more focussed on the baby than on scolding you. He sounds egotistical. Can't believe he's blanking you over something so dangerous he did, he deserved to have it pointed out to him. Could it really have happened to anyone? Any mothers on this thread spilt hot tea on their baby? Stop trying to make him feel better.

Spot on.

Also op, without wanting to punch a man when he’s down, he does sound a bit clueless.

Surely a person who has just made the mistake ( if they did make it!) of having a hot drink and a baby immediately get cold water on the scalds instead of wandering round with the child? Accidents do happen but he then had a second chance to not be useless …

I can’t believe he’s twisted it on you. You’ve got a horrid husband

Sounds to me like he just feels angry someone thinks he isn't perfect.

So he had an accident, a serious and preventable one. He feels bad, and is redirecting that into anger at you and using the excuse at what you said in the stress and heat of the moment. He's making a bad situation even worse with his behaviour and its awful, I'm sorry and hope your little one is ok!

This is what’s been worrying me! Presumably there was screaming, yelling, and a baby under a tap in the kitchen, not him carrying baby up to you?

I kinda think you are both wrong.

As been said , you shouldn’t hold a kid (not sure a one year old is still a baby) and a hot drink at the same time. It was ill judged and careless but he clearly wouldn’t want it to happen. Absolutely a preventable accident. Underline accident.

Your behaviour wasn’t okay though. I really don’t care how angry or scared you are you should never call your husband names or scream at him, Why? Because now you are dealing with an injured child, your husband feeling scared and awful and you feeling scared; awful with the aftermath to be made worse by your behaviour.

No you shouldn’t apologise except for your behaviour. There is no mama bear or protective instincts that should allow you to react this way. Of course you were scared and angry. But maybe consider how you are here through the whole situation.

Preventable accident with poor reaction equals poor outcome.

I would not have apologised, because having a go at him for being an idiot is nothing to say sorry for. ----
Who in their right mind has a hot tea whilst holding a baby?!
Now he's making you feel bad? I don't think so!!

Can you not make a fresh cup of tea n pour it over him? See how that fucking feels?
How dare he do something so dumb and then have the hump with you AND blame the baby as he wriggled or lunged.

Horrible man

Stop apologising. He was an idiot and he knows it and is taking it out on you. He needs to get over himself and accept he did something stupid and you had every right to be angry.

It is common sense not to hold a baby and a hot drink. Any time I fancy a cup of tea when I’m with baby I leave it on the side until it’s only warm before taking it anywhere near her. It’s obviously not as nice as a lovely hot tea but I’d take a lukewarm tea (or no tea) over a burnt baby any day. If I ever walked in to see my partner or anyone holding the baby with a hot drink in hand I’d be livid and they’d know about it.