Baby burnt by hot tea

[Redlorryyellowcar]

awful day, had to to take our baby to A&E after a cup hot tea was spilt over baby.

I was upstairs and DH was looking after baby (holding baby and holding cup of tea). Baby was very brave and has been bandaged by medics and will be mostly okay.
At the time he came to tell me holding out bright red baby I was furious and called him an idiot at least 4 times and angrily said what were you thinking.
i realise it was an accident and ive said sorry to DH a number of times for getting cross in the heat of the moment. He is barely talking to me all day. I’ve said nice things like ‘it could have happened to anyone’ ‘don’t blame yourself/ forgive yourself’ ‘baby will get better baby will be okay’ and lots of reassuring but he’s basically blanking me (he has form for this).

I do understand I shouldn’t have had a go at him and he would have felt bad enough for what has happened. I do wish I could go back and be calmer and more understanding. But I can’t go back in time, I can’t un do it.
I guesss in my defense seeing my baby like that was utter panic and my mama bear kicked in and I thought how could you be so careless and cause possibly life changing injuries

my AIBU

YABU - you need to keep apologising and wait for him to forgive you, you really shouldn’t have called him and idiot when it was an accident

YANBU - you’ve said sorry more than once and he’s punishing you because he feels bad about what happened

oh please…

( In any case, she had to wait till he’s brushed up in his childcare skills).

But op has given no indication she wants to leave. Why is MN so predictable with LTB.

This is a couple in shock after their baby got hurt. Emotions are naturally running high. A marriage isn’t a bit of fruit that you bin because there’s a bit of a bruise on it.

So in short, he feels bad that he fucked up and thats YOUR fault for making him face the fact that he fucked up, not his fault for fucking up in the first place?

How can you even look at him, much less apologise?! As for "Idiot" he needs to be called far worse than that! How about "thoughtless arsehole who is cruel for punishing you for his fuck up" for starters?

He feels angry??

I am trying to think back but I seem to remember drinking mainly cold cups of tea when they were babies as I rarely got to drink it when it was hot! For baby to have been burned then it must have been scalding hot so freshly made. I can't imagine holding something so hot near a baby. I would not be apologising, huge error or judgement on his part and he is right to feel terrible.

The difference is I have a tepid drinks only rule around my children

This - I've sat with a baby and a cuppa many a time but always left the tea or coffee to cool to a safe temperature first. If you don't want to do that then you don't have the hot drink near the child, you leave it out of reach. No one should even have to be told this surely - it's obvious.

I'd have been cross too and I think most mums of babies would have been in a huge panic and very protective - so of course you're going to say WTF and be angry. It's not just an accident, it's careless and selfish. You've said sorry, he should be able to say he gets why you lost it and take responsibility.

YOU should have been focusing on the baby?? That’s what HE should have been doing and then this wouldn’t have happened. I would’ve used a lot stronger language if I were in your shoes - your husband probably would’ve left by now if he’s gone silent on you for calling him an idiot. You are not in the wrong

If he is truly sorry then why not go on it tomorrow and buy two new non-spill travel mugs and be in it together, from now on hot drinks are in those if baby is awake and both do it so it's not just a him thing.

Although I still think his reaction is off and would be keeping an eye out for similar techniques in future of him turning it around and blaming you / gas lighting.

That kind of reaction is totally understandable. You've said you're sorry. It's fine. Let your husband deal with his hurt feelings. It shouldn't take long.

Oh fucking hell he's a dickhead. He should be apologizing to the baby and to you. Doesn't get to sulk.

Well, he NEEDS to expect it. He needs to think ahead and preventatively, not just bumble along and see what happens. He is the father of a vulnerable being now.

I would not DREAM of apologizing for calling him out; his carelessness injured the baby and could have been a lot worse. He needs to learn a lesson, not be coddled and apologized to. There is zero excuse for hot tea or anything else dangerous to be within 10 feet of the baby.

Who holds a cup of hot liquid when holding a baby??? You are right to feel angry - your baby has been burnt due to lack of thought/care.

He needs to grow up

Exactly. He deserves every bit of shame and scorn that he feels. This wasn't a minor error. Don't minimize it for him, or make him think that you were the person in the wrong for lashing out at him. HE injured an infant due to carelessness and selfishness.

Your baby has been hurt badly enough for hospital and he's making it about him and his fragile feelings.

You never drink hot drink near a baby. Surely he knew that.

You are not being unreasonable, you were allowed to be angry at him, he took a lazy reckless shortcut and now your innocent baby could be (probably won’t be) scarred. He was also allowed to feel upset. He definitely shouldn’t feel angry at you though, you apologised for getting angry at him and he was damn lucky to get that from you today. To sulk at you, for a situation that arose because of him, is he for real?! Imagine if the water had hit baby’s eyes?
as for poor baby, follow all instructions on how to care for the scarring, will likely be absolutely fine.

I agree his reaction is off the mark BUT this is a really constructive and practical next step op.

It helps move the situation along, doesn’t absolve him of blame but isn’t as pointed as a single mug and will help you feel you have taken positive steps toward preventing it from happening again . It also subtly shifts the focus from blame to responsibility going forward. Just hope he doesn’t say buy your own damn mugs. 🤨

I was once drinking a coffee and left it right on the edge, my daughter pulled it down onto her legs.

If my husband had repeatedly shouted at me that I was an idiot, I'd have been fucking devastated.

But it is his fault. And it's completely understandable you would be angry. I would leave it now. You said sorry and have tried to reassure him. Don't say anything else.

If he wants to sulk ignore him.

And the child would be devastated to to have scars for life due to a perfectly preventable incident.

Yeah @BettyBardMacDonald I mean, she isn't scarred at all. But that's not the point I was making.

I would have absolutely gone mental and beat the living daylights out of him.

I too blame the baby here. Hope it has leant a lesson. Oh wait it's a baby. Your husband should learn the lesson not to be a grade A idiot and never hold a boiling drink and the baby again. Tbh if he doesn't get this I would consider the relationship

Yeah and I’ve got replies saying I was harsh for calling him an idiot and suggestions our marriage is dead in the water?!

I'm so sorry about your baby. This happened to mine (search
ex dp burnt my baby').
To be fair, he deserved everything you said but equally unless he's usually a moron he probably feels so bad enough already - his silent treatment will be as much to do with his shame as his reaction to your reaction. Leave him be and go and do something nice for yourself.
How would you expect him to respond if you had a silly decision that led to injury?
Just for the record I didn't blow up at my ex as I knew he felt bad and also I was quite scared of him. But I did give him a big lecture about safety a week or so later and sent him on a baby first aid course. I also recommend the baby academy accident prevention course online. On my post someone recommended some good charities about children's accident prevention too.
I also made him promise to never ever hold a hot drink at the same time as baby.