Baby burnt by hot tea

[Redlorryyellowcar]

awful day, had to to take our baby to A&E after a cup hot tea was spilt over baby.

I was upstairs and DH was looking after baby (holding baby and holding cup of tea). Baby was very brave and has been bandaged by medics and will be mostly okay.
At the time he came to tell me holding out bright red baby I was furious and called him an idiot at least 4 times and angrily said what were you thinking.
i realise it was an accident and ive said sorry to DH a number of times for getting cross in the heat of the moment. He is barely talking to me all day. I’ve said nice things like ‘it could have happened to anyone’ ‘don’t blame yourself/ forgive yourself’ ‘baby will get better baby will be okay’ and lots of reassuring but he’s basically blanking me (he has form for this).

I do understand I shouldn’t have had a go at him and he would have felt bad enough for what has happened. I do wish I could go back and be calmer and more understanding. But I can’t go back in time, I can’t un do it.
I guesss in my defense seeing my baby like that was utter panic and my mama bear kicked in and I thought how could you be so careless and cause possibly life changing injuries

my AIBU

YABU - you need to keep apologising and wait for him to forgive you, you really shouldn’t have called him and idiot when it was an accident

YANBU - you’ve said sorry more than once and he’s punishing you because he feels bad about what happened

Exactly.

The baby is in pain and may be scarred for life. Who gives a flying fuck that her fuck up of a father has his feelings hurt? He deserves to.

Silent treatment is coercive control. No normal, nice adult completely ignores their loved ones to cause upset and humiliation.

Wtaf. You surely would have done no such thing. What a disgusting post.

I can’t bear this mama bear bullshit and this is the sort of ludicrous mentality it encourages.

He made a mistake, sounds like one you might have made too (we had agreed rules about hot drinks), and so you can both learn from this.

There’s no place for silent treatment and that needs to stop, as a seperate issue.

I don't know if its relevant but I got a really bad and huge burn on my arm from near boiling water. I was told to expect some scarring from what was a huge second degree burn. It looked red and scarred for months but within a year or so it completely vanished without any trace. I can't even tell which arm it was. Hopefully something similar happens with the baby. I do remember it was excruciating when I did it despite 30 minutes of cold running water immediately and the first few days were the worst. I had to have regular burn dressing changes with the GP's nurse for weeks.

this happened my niece (3 at the time) with a Pot Noodle & her older brother 11, I was furious with her parents... so preventable, I'm aware accidents happen, my son had 2 stitches on his eyebrow after tripping over his feet, just newly walking, & face planted into a wooden play cube thing

It couldn’t happen to anyone though. And he WAS being an idiot. He fucked up and made a stupid decision. Why are you apologising? He should be apologizing!

My DP has a scar on their stomach from when a grandparent spilled hot tea on them as a baby. But, to reassure you, it’s not like, a really bad scar. It’s just a patch of skin which is a slightly different colour to the rest of their skin - it doesn’t look bad.

Not holding a hot drink and a baby at the same time is one of the most basic safety rules regarding looking after a baby. It is literally just an accident waiting to happen.
I would have been furious with him .
And I would not have apologised. And I think if he doesn't recognise that your reaction was entirely normal and justified then there is something seriously wrong with him.
Is he really competent to look after a baby? Because I would struggle to trust him to do so going forward.

This post captures so much about DH’s response op,

Yes, of course you reacted in shock.

Why is he focusing on that above all - ie; his “injury?”

Why didn’t he leap up and sort the cold water?

He is the one who needs to apologise oP. He probably does feel bad snd is struggling to process it, but that doesn’t flick the blame to you.

It was good you said sorry for calling him an idiot. But come on, that’s a bit like apologising for leaning on someone’s car bonnet as you steady yourself to absorb the damage to your car they have just ploughed into.

I agree with this.

If he doesn't feel remorse for his mistake then that is concerning.

Of course you were cross at him. Were you supposed to say oh dear let's just toddle off to a&e. NO!

He sounds controlling

‘it could have happened to anyone’ no it couldn't it would only happen to people who have hot tea anywhere near a baby.

'don’t blame yourself who else should he blame?

baby will get better baby will be okay hopefully yes I really hope they are but they could have scarring for life and he will have to learn to explain it's because he was a complete idiot with no regard to his child's safety.

Oh dear. You sound like you’re setting a wonderful example for your children. Or are you actually 12? This is an absolutely ridiculous post.

You are absolutely right to be unreasonable in this case. I would have flipped.

Agree.

Accidents do happen but you showed great restraint.

He is upset with you and you have previously thought he is narcissistic?

I wouldn't be apologising to him again.
I would be wondering if I want a life time of this.
So much easier to blame you than take responsibility for his stupidity that has hurt your baby.

I would absolutely get the ICK for such a man child.

Tell him to get over himself.
Mind yourself OP, and your baby, he's a twat.

He is being selfish and fucking childish. Yes, it was an accident but actually sulking with you for pointing out it was careless and having to listen to your baby in agony? And he thinks he has a right to sulk with you over that like some sort of man child just beggars belief. He needs to grow the fuck up.

Sometimes I wonder what year we are living in - is it the 50s? I see so many of these posts where it’s “I’ve apologised but he won’t forgive me, what else can I do?” Nothing is what you can do! And you shouldn’t have apologised for your comments anyway as he damn well deserved then… and more!

My thoughts exactly. Who gives a fuck about him? He doesn't matter here. It doesn't matter that it was an accident (the alternative would be extreme physical abuse worthy of serious jail time, so the bar is low here.) F him sulking and focus on your baby and you as you must be in shock / traumatised also. What a man child