To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

For many people, having children absolutely is an achievement.

For those with fertility issues, complex/ enduring physical or mental health issues, or very very bad pregnancies and births, it is absolutely something to be proud of to have living babies at the end of it.

I am personally more proud that I managed to have two children than of anything else in my life. Maybe that makes me sound boring or my life sound shit, but neither are true - it's just bringing those two into the world is the hardest thing I've ever done.

I completely agree. And to those saying having children as an accomplishment is ‘boring’, I could very easily say that having your job as an accomplishment is equally boring.

I honestly don’t give much thought to whether other women have kids or not. I’m always surprised by child free people here saying they feel it’s a big deal to others. The only person who really cared was my mother in law, no-one else bothered me and I had mine very late. I don’t think society is generally judging women who don’t have kids.

So should I be ashamed of my body because it failed to do those things?

I also think getting a baby out of your uterus - whether by vaginal birth or Caesarean - is a fucking big accomplishment and anti feminist to pretend otherwise.

Whaaat? No ones mentioned being ashamed… So because you didn’t do it, it can’t be an accomplishment for someone else?

Im not a doctor but my friend is. It’s an accomplishment for her.

Precisely.

Of course there are lots of different types of achievements and accomplishments, everybody is different, but I disagree with this narrative that “just having a baby isn’t an accomplishment”. Lots of people struggle to conceive, lots of people have very difficult pregnancies, lots of people have traumatic deliveries, and as a woman who has given birth I did feel very accomplished afterwards- it was really fucking hard and holding my baby safe in my arms after birth was a more “accomplished” feeling than I’ve ever felt after any work promotion, but that’s just me personally.

There's all sorts of things I haven't done or achieved, or can't do. Should I be ashamed of that? Or or my physical limitations? Of course not. It doesn't mean other people can't feel a sense of achievement.

I agree that being a mum and nothing else is absolutely not seen as an achievement. You see the vitriol on the sahm posts. In western society, it’s career and ‘achievements’ over literally anything else. I feel like it’s going the other way. Having kids now makes you selfish.

Although, pushing a baby out of your vagina is kind of an accomplishment.. or, recovering from a C-Section, I’d say that was an accomplishment too.

Well it has to come out at some point 😆 it can't just stay in there.

Well if people stopped doing it society would crumble so it make sense that 'society' puts an emphasis on procreation as a very important thing. You could argue that it's the central pursuit of all living things. What do you think society should be emphasising above children?

Either way, I don’t think women should be told
it’s not an accomplishment. Every woman who goes through it works very hard to get that baby out, even if they have no choice.

But it isn’t just women who have children, a man who has a child and leaves and never looks back can’t say it’s an accomplishment that he has children (well he can but he’d be wrong) so I agree with the op that having a child ‘in itself’ isn’t an accomplishment.

Op you don't really provide an argument as to why it isn't an accomplishment.

However there are so many great responses from posters that highlight just how much of an accomplishment conceiving, growing, birthing and raising children truly is.

It of course does not "out trump" other people accomplishments in life.

@sunflowersngunpowdr if the human race died out through not procreating I don't think I'd lose much sleep over it. I'm certainly not going to worship parents for keeping the human race going, I'm totally ambivalent (and a lot of times actively pissed off) about being born.

Some people go through years of mental and physical suffering to make, carry and birth a baby. So yes - an accomplishment.

I wouldn't lose much sleep over the thought of the human race dying out. However, as the parent of a vulnerable adult I do lose sleep over the thought of an economic collapse, which could be the result of an economy with far fewer workers and consumers becoming overwhelmed by the costs of care for the disabled and those who need it in their later years.

What about those who go through the years of mental and physical suffering but don’t have a baby to show for it at the end? What positive things can be said about them?

Of course not, why would someone else being proud of their own body for doing those things mean you should be ashamed of yours? People are allowed to be proud of themselves and think having children is their greatest achievement, it is something to be proud of. That doesn’t negate your own achievements or mean that you should be ashamed if you haven’t. I think running a marathon is an achievement, I don’t feel ashamed that I haven’t done it.

izimbra
Some people go through years of mental and physical suffering to make, carry and birth a baby. So yes - an accomplishment.

What about those who go through the years of mental and physical suffering but don’t have a baby to show for it at the end? What positive things can be said about them?

Why the constant need for comparison @KimberleyClark ?

Why because someone waited 9 months and have done what millions of women have done for thousands of years?

@Birchtree1 im with you. And congratulations to you after your losses. It’s something that stays with you, no matter how many children you have after. I had 4 MC before I had my boy. Giving birth to him was one of my proudest moments. I then had ‘surprise’ twins when he was a little over 12 months old (the pregnancy was a surprise , not the birth lol) the miracle of birth always amazes me. It’s seen as normal and everyday. Yet I did that. I made those babies and I birthed them. I will forever be proud of them and myself . But as PP said, raising them is an accomplishment. Might not be right all the time, but they’re doing ok 😂