To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

It's miraculous to those with fertility issues where the whole thing just can't happen because there's one tiny problem somewhere meaning all the other required steps can't happen.

I do find it miraculous - like lots of things, including funghi, the aurora borealis and fermentation. I don't understand the viewpoint that miraculous things aren't also commonplace.

And yes, raising them well is a phenomenal accomplishment. And an honour and a privilege.

That fact we are poorly designed to give birth and human babies are useless when they are born, but there are billions of us with slightly different genes so we can survive as a species in temperatures that vary from Serbia in Winter to the Sahara in Summer is a miracle.

Who thinks this? Other than sometimes other mothers to boost each other? Because ime like most things that men can't do and women can, it's given pretty low value in society as a whole. In fact I'd say you're far more likely to see it belittled and diminished as seen as an achievement.

First reply nails it.

What’s the context here OP?

I don’t think anyone outside my family has ever celebrated me having DS, and certainly nobody has every told me it was an achievement on my part (obviously within the family everyone was very happy he arrived, but that’s because he is a very loved and lovely little boy in a close-knit family, not because me getting pregnant was anything amazing).

So do you mean society celebrates women giving birth, or your family are celebrating other family members getting pregnant, or what?

I agree, and as someone who can't have children naturally and hasn't been in a position to have IVF or similar I find this societal tendency rather galling.

My sibling gave birth around the same time I completed my thesis, the culmination of four years of postgraduate study whilst working full time. You can probably guess which was seen as cause for celebration.

I have never known of any role that could take the amount of physical and mental energy that raising a family can do. There is no job that requires 24 hours on call with 3 hours solid sleep a night for months or years, if you have a really difficult client. Then scraping out occasional hours of downtime for the next 18 years, making constant big decisions, daily physical work, managing, organising, cleaning up bodily fluids, cancelling your plans at last minute, i could go on. And most importantly all done with a positive attitude while listening to your client at all times and having their welfare at the forefront of your mind every waking minute. Yes it's a bloody achievement, far more than any other.

Edited to add, I'm praising all parents here but society rarely does. If anything it's a role that is hugely underrated rather than vice versa.

I have a great salary, full time job, have run marathons and done various physical challenges, volunteered for and raised money for great causes, but my kids are still my greatest achievements. I think you should not overlook the fact that women put their lives and future health literally on the line to have a child. Less now than throughout history in the developed world thanks to advances in medicine. But it is still a truth.. just look at any pregnancy board and you will see the fear and anxiety pregnancy provokes. You do not know what the outcome is of any pregnancy or birth, there are risks. I'd love to see how a man would cope the way women are meant to as routine.. when it goes wrong, you still get the same PTSD as a soldier in a warzone. There is less treatment and understanding though. It is a miracle growing a child inside you from a tiny fetus to a full grown baby entering the world. I think it's the only true miracle to be honest. Women are gods, men should worship us. I am not being ironic.

The thing is your family understand someone having a baby. They don't understand someone getting a postgraduate qualification.

I know more than one women - I'm related to one - who have had a baby and finished off their Masters/MBA. Probably a lower level of qualification than yours but having done both separately I couldn't do it.

That’s because they get a grandchild out of it, they don’t get anything out of you finishing your thesis.

If you finished your thesis and they somehow ended up with a new car as a direct result, they would have celebrated it.

My pregnancy was fucking awful and I got through it. Definitely an accomplishment.

Just having a pregnancy and delivery a baby isn’t an achievement, but bringing up a stable, well rounded, happy human is.

Depends if you have had multiple miscarriages and have been trying to get pregnant for eight years before you finally succeed. It certainly feels like an accomplishment then.

I wonder what people consider as the metrics for 'raising them well'.

It is bloody hard work, primarily borne by women and ultimately of benefit to society, but we are not even allowed to say that out loud.

It really feels like it is! From the extraordinary process of pregnancy and birth, the self-sacrifice and sheer bloody determination it takes to look after little people to the subtle art of raising teenagers without losing too much sanity, having children is life changingly rich and purposeful and takes a huge amount of time, energy, hard bloody work, powering through the boredom and the stress... how is it not an accomplishment?

It's the hardest most rewarding thing I do and that isn't to say that I don't also value my career and my relationship and friendships
But it is and always will be the thing I put most of my energy into and I'm proud of what I do as a parent even though I often fall short of what I hoped!

This is what I was going to say!

Are metrics required? I think I’m generally doing ok so far without a KPI dashboard

Bit of an odd thread?
As the first reply says, raising children well is definitely an achievement because it isn't easy.

I'm not sure society does place a huge emphasis on having children these days does it? My own kids (late teens) certainly don't feel a pressure to reproduce in the future and say they may not. They say lots of their friends feel the same way. Whereas my friends and I just sort of assumed we would and would have felt a pressure from our parents to do so.
So maybe things are changing?

Great it’s not

it’s more some people love their kids

And I think it's much harder to be a parent these days. I have no children of my own, I should add but take my hat off to all those who've successfully navigated the stormy waters of modern child-raising and turned out well-rounded, good kids.

I dont have kids but I think it is.

Pregnancy and childbirth especially to me are achievements - they're bringing life into the world. And raising children well is a huge accomplishment.

Well I celebrate my birthday, so in a way I do celebrate the accomplishment of my parents having a child!