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Original poster

Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

212 replies

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:40

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

OP posts:
craigth162 · 09/10/2024 18:42

Probably its unusual for both parents to want to sit thru the pain of a kids party tbh! Id go back and add whay u said about being pregnant and needing husbands help

HermoniePotter · 09/10/2024 18:44

We never attended together. Some families did which I always found quite rude as the hosts often looked surprised when two parents and an extra sibling rocked up. I’m sure there would be plenty supervision for your wee one or just let your husband take him if he needs supervised.

MargaretThursday · 09/10/2024 18:48

Send your dh and not you if you don't think you can chase him.

Really if it's at home, then space is probably limited.
Also if you're thinking that you'll sit down and chat with your friend while your dh chases your ds, then that's not likely to happen as she'll be hosting presumably a few people.
If it's just you invited, then you're totally changing the dynamic by bringing your dh.

whatshalliday · 09/10/2024 18:48

It's fine and you've asked so it's even more fine. The only point I'd make is that you make more friends when you attend alone.

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 18:49

Sorry, but I always think it's a bit weird when both parents turn up to children's parties. It's not a family day out.

Why can't your husband just take him, if you're struggling?

Asherrain · 09/10/2024 18:50

It's not a big deal. If someone did think it was a big deal it's not someone I'd really want to be friends with. Just leave it and see what she says back.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 09/10/2024 18:51

Wouldn't think twice about it personally - we've always had a combination of one parent, both parents and drop off. If its meant to be just you, her and her family then maybe I can understand that but either way it's not some dreadful slight and she can always just say no if she has a reason to. Don't give it more headspace it's not that a big a deal either way!

BathtimeScroller · 09/10/2024 18:55

It’s totally fine. We had the same situation recently, and I didn’t even ask or think about it - both me and DP went and the same with 2 out of 3 of the other nursery children that went.

I think especially when it’s parents you don’t know it’s fine to bring both and I also think these days more dads to come along to these things whereas when I was young they rarely did

Dweetfidilove · 09/10/2024 18:55

If you're struggling, your husband takes your child.
These are usually a 1 parent affair, but you can go together if that's what you prefer.

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:55

So do I need to do anything to fix this or should I leave it Blush

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 09/10/2024 18:58

It's fairly common here for both parents to attend if no other children or is other child is elsewhere, particularly for hall/outdoor parties etc. I find it odd when a child has two parents but it's always without fail, mum who brings them to everything and you never see dad. For parties at home etc we tend to take turns

Isitreallythiscrap · 09/10/2024 18:58

I've never taken dp to any parties and have been to many over the years. I've also had them at home for own dc and had more than one person per kid turn up and sit there, it's difficult tbh as then you also end up hosting the parents whilst trying to entertain the kids. Not to mention having the space for everyone. I think I'd send a message just to say scrap that actually, dh can't actually make it at it will just be you and ds, you will manage fine.

Bestfootfwd · 09/10/2024 18:59

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:55

So do I need to do anything to fix this or should I leave it Blush

I think it’s fine, leave it.

HangDai · 09/10/2024 19:04

No, I don't agree with the above posts. The poor party mum is probably panicking that if she ends up with loads of husbands they won't fit in her house, people don't all have huge houses these days.

She's obviously trying to craft a tactful message, so I'd message again saying would she prefer drop off or if not just 1 of you will come with the DC.

Certainly in our circles people just don't have the space, we can't fit more than 8 people standing in our living room.

Completelyjo · 09/10/2024 19:06

Around here preschool parties mostly have both parents.
I would say about 75% of the kids at all the parties I’ve been to in the last 3 years if birthdays have been both parents and then a few bring the kid on their own.
Although parties are mostly pubs, function rooms, sports halls or parks.

I imagine this will change at school age when the kids are a bit more self sufficient.

littleducks · 09/10/2024 19:09

I would message again something like "oops pregnancy brain don't know why it didn't occur to me I could send just dh as I'm struggling managing X at moment"

Skyla01 · 09/10/2024 19:10

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if two parents turn up. Normal round here

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 19:12

I've messaged again saying forgot my husband is on call so it'll just be me and my son attending and I'm looking forward to it.

Hopefully she doesn't think I'm a massive twat

OP posts:
Sailonsilverrgirl · 09/10/2024 19:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JMSA · 09/10/2024 19:13

I'd be perfectly polite but inwardly groan if both parents rocked up.

User37482 · 09/10/2024 19:14

We usually have both parents at parties. Most usually take it in turns to watch their kid and the other one chats to other parents then switches.

Summertimer · 09/10/2024 19:14

Our DC is grown up now, but the norm with small kids where parents didn’t have other children was both parents go. I distinctly remember feeling a bit like the one on my own when DH was away.

Londonrach1 · 09/10/2024 19:15

Very strange. Only one of my dd friends you get both mum and dad but it's next the dad is very controlling and doesn't let the mum do anything on her own. Normally you get one or other or none

JMSA · 09/10/2024 19:16

To those saying both parents go ... to a hall or soft play, yes? Surely not to someone's house!

BeardieWeirdie · 09/10/2024 19:19

If two parents rocked up at my house I’d firmly say “we’re very squeezed for space so can you just drop and run, or one parent only. I’m sure you understand!”

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