Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

Can I just ask why you find it weird when parents do that? A girl in my son's reception class is an only child and always has both parents at pick up and I always wistfully think how wonderful. Every day they both get to greet her and her face lights up when she sees them. They are such a tight little team.
One of us is usually dashing across to get the kids whilst the other works or watches the baby, we just don't have the opportunity to do that. I would love it if life was slow and calm enough to just potter across together and have a chat.

When families are separated all week either through work or school, why wouldn't they want to spend time together at the weekend? When my son was in reception and was invited to hall parties, it was a great chance to meet the parents, often both parents would come. I thought it was a positive thing as it showed the dads in particular wanted to be involved too.

OP I would say your problem here is more rooted to your anxiety to make mums friends. Not judging I totally get it, I'm the same. At the end of the day you don't know how she feels she might think great or not so great. But now you have all these messages it's going to go round your head about whether it was ok..if I were you regardless of if she says yes I would go by myself if making mam friends is so important and it will stress you out less

Blimey. I had no idea there were unwritten social norms regarding children's parties! 😂 Had my son's 5th party last week at our house, most couples stayed, one person dropped off- it was great to see them actually and have a few extra pairs of hands to help. I made sure I got enough food for everyone (adults too) I would have thought anything goes unless specified otherwise. I have to go to another children's party tomorrow- hubby's got a free pass but I don't know anyone else. (Fun times!)

I think you are just overthinking it. Don’t worry one or two or even 0 parents is fine. I can guarantee she or you won’t be thinking about it in a months time. Like others have said my parties at home always had a mixture of one or two parents ( especially so when the child is pre school age). It’s not weird or odd at all.

I think it’s weird when I see both parents attend, mainly because I think of all the jobs/errands etc one of you could be doing whilst the other is losing hours of their life at the party!! Each to their own though!
I think in this case you’re over thinking it.

Generally speaking OP it's fine. On a personal level I find it annoying when couples can't do anything without each other. How will you make friends on a 121 basis if DH or DW are by your side? You'll get a people coming on saying it's ok they are the couples that do this.
No one ever wants to say it's a bit rude. Which it is.

I've known some parents to both attend parties. In fact I know one couple that attend ALL parties together. it is but weird but not really a problem I don't think. It's a great excuse for one parent to get some downtime (or clean the house!) if you only have one child...

I’ve had that happen, it’s so cheeky, one in particular frog marched her 2 uninvited kids over for party bags because they were whinging they didn’t get one and their invited sibling had, I’d only accounted for those invited so I told her sorry they can grab some leftover sweets off the table if they want but I’ve no spare bags as I didn’t expect extra kids 😏

I seem to be in the minority here but this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. However I would say we have quite an open house in that there's always alot of comings & goings with friends / friends of the kids dropping in / neighbours.

We host alot of parties so someone bringing a hubby wouldn't bother me.

To play devil's advocate here, maybe he wants to get out of house too & socialise a bit or see what the 4 yr old is like at a birthday party with their pals.
If the little one is only 4, parties are probably still a 'new' thing.

It's when they hit 7 or 8 and you've done 10-20 birthday parties that year that ye finally get to start doing a 'drop and run' and ye think THANK GOD 🤣

It's kinda strange to worry so much about this. It's really not a thing.
I'm glad you have nothing worse in your life to worry about.
If I want my husband with me at a party because he works all the time and it's nice to have a chat with him does that make me weird?
I don't know how light hearted people are being or if they mean in but this is kinda silly!

@RedRoss86 if he wants to get out the house, socialise and see what the child is like at a party then maybe he can take the child?

There seems to be such an assumption that mum has to go.

The way you describe your party/ open house situation suggests that it isn't tiny but some people have small houses that would get overwhelmed if both parents attend.

I always thought it was odd when 2 parents turned up with one child.

Never understood why one parent would willingly go to a noisy kids party when they could have a valuable 3 hours without any family responsibility, and guilt free as the child would be in their element at a party!

Why did you ask if you could both come? Was it because you’re pregnant and it’s too much to run around after your son? Then explain that and just send your husband.

@Asherrain
They are such a tight little team.
can also be a controlling relationship, happy secure couples do not need to be glued together.

Yes it’s weird.

Glad to read you had a positive response and I hope your DS enjoys it.

Most of the kids parties I’ve been to at peoples homes both parents have came along. Mind you my kids are still nursery age

DH and I have always attended parties together and we've never been the only couple there. It's never even occurred to me to ask to be honest- I'm not enduring the torture of a kids party alone. We're on 5th birthdays now and I've got my fingers crossed that the next round will be drop-off parties.

Why's it anyone elses business if couples want to spend time together? Why make judgements on it? Maybe they are just happy!

It's weird to want to spend time with your partner who works all the time? 😂

I've genuinely never thought about it. When mine have had parties when younger, sometimes it was the mums, sometimes the dads, sometimes both and sometimes a grandparent. I've had siblings turn up before and I've been able to squeeze them into activities (rock climbing, laser quest, bowling etc) but I appreciate that isn't always possible for everyone and every venue. I've never really paid attention to it, everyone just chats to everyone and as long as the kids are having fun, it's fine 🤷‍♀️

Clearly enjoying your spouse's company and wanting to spend the little time you're not at work or asleep together is strange in 2024!

I had an acquaintance who 'made' her husband go to every kids party with her. It just strikes me as very needy

To play devil's advocate here, maybe he wants to get out of house too & socialise a bit or see what the 4 yr old is like at a birthday party with their pals.

but the event isn't supposed to be for the benefit of a dh who wants to get out of the house (can't he think of anywhere else to go?) and watch his 4yo playing, or for adults who want to socialise. A child's birthday party is supposed to be for the birthday child and his/her chosen guests. When the adults outnumber the children maybe 2:1, it ceases to be a children's party.

It is good you are going alone though as it sounds like you are looking for entertainment for the whole family.

When they get to know more each other and you attend other events you may get an invite for parents as well, but they will mention it.