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Original poster

Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

212 replies

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:40

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 09/10/2024 21:08

Not unusual at all, I got to about a dozen kids parties a year and lots of parents go together. Frankly you would die of boredom alone (and no trying to force your way into to make small talk with others already having convosation with their partner, parent or mam friend is hell).

But then house parties are really rare, we have never been to a kids home birthday in 16 years.

HangDai · 09/10/2024 21:17

NewYearNewJob2024 · 09/10/2024 20:23

I am a bit surprised at the comments here!

We're not at the parties stage yet (apart from family and close friends where we both go) but I always imagined the both of us would go where possible. And no...it's not because my husband is controlling and won't let me out on my own...or because I'm a wet lettuce who can't hold a conversation...but because we like to do things as a family, especially on a weekend when time together is limited. But obviously I'm the weirdo...

But the party isn't for your family, it's for the birthday child and their small playmates.

steelingmyself · 09/10/2024 21:23

You've been perfectly polite by asking. I wouldn't worry about it.

I live in a part of the country where if you host a party "the more the merrier" is generally assumed.

DoloresHargreeves · 09/10/2024 21:23

People on here are always weird about this. In my circles a child's birthday party is a family affair, and everyone is invited. That's normal to me, unless it's an event with limited numbers for some reason.

Pogpog21 · 09/10/2024 21:29

Gosh I didn’t realise this was even a thing! my husband and I usually both attend as we both work full time and want to see our child have fun and be part of his weekend. Equally I can’t think of a party we’ve hosted for him (including 3 at home) where parents haven’t come as a couple.

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2024 21:29

Funny how she texted ‘he’d have been more than welcome’ once she knew he was no longer coming. I think folks might be polite but honestly who wants to host a kids party at the same time as having a load of randoms in your house…? If you do, you’re a better person than me!

HangDai · 09/10/2024 21:30

Pogpog21 · 09/10/2024 21:29

Gosh I didn’t realise this was even a thing! my husband and I usually both attend as we both work full time and want to see our child have fun and be part of his weekend. Equally I can’t think of a party we’ve hosted for him (including 3 at home) where parents haven’t come as a couple.

Do you ask first?

leopardski · 09/10/2024 22:12

Don’t worry OP. I do agree with someone above that the immediate response has probably only come after hearing he won’t be coming; we go to a lot of parties and when it’s for a large group of kids one parent is pretty much the norm or it is just chaotic.

It’s different when it’s a small group and everyone knows each other, but for the bigger kids parties one of you can sit it out and have a few hours of peace!

Grammarnut · 09/10/2024 23:22

If it's at home and mainly family, it would be odd for both parents to attend. I do notice a horrid tendency for children's birthday parties becoming adult-fests. Not sure what to do in OP's case, she has made herself look a CF and it's difficult to row back.

MissRoseDurward · 09/10/2024 23:55

In my circles a child's birthday party is a family affair, and everyone is invited.

So the birthday child doesn't actually get a party for him/herself with his/her own choice of invited guests?

mugboat · 10/10/2024 00:06

Not a faux pas, but annoying for the host if the party is at their house or a small venue. If it's a big party, who cares?!

Completelyjo · 10/10/2024 06:04

Grammarnut · 09/10/2024 23:22

If it's at home and mainly family, it would be odd for both parents to attend. I do notice a horrid tendency for children's birthday parties becoming adult-fests. Not sure what to do in OP's case, she has made herself look a CF and it's difficult to row back.

Really? How have you noticed a horrible tendency for children’s parties becoming adult-fests considering you’re not the parent of a young child?

ThatsMsAtomicBob · 10/10/2024 08:09

You're overthinking it.

doodleschnoodle · 10/10/2024 08:23

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 09/10/2024 18:58

It's fairly common here for both parents to attend if no other children or is other child is elsewhere, particularly for hall/outdoor parties etc. I find it odd when a child has two parents but it's always without fail, mum who brings them to everything and you never see dad. For parties at home etc we tend to take turns

Yes, contrary to MN on this point, it's quite common here for both parents to attend, especially as we are in a village and most people sort of know each other. Sometimes DH takes them, sometimes I do, or if it's a big hall party or soft play where DD(2) also welcome, we tend to both go (so I can drink tea and talk to people and he can chase the toddler around Grin).

So I wouldn't think it's a faux pas. Maybe if you'd actually turned up without asking or something.

doodleschnoodle · 10/10/2024 08:25

Oh and we had some mums and dads together come along to DD1(5)'s party at home and it was fine. And little siblings were welcome too. But as long as someone asks and you have the chance to say 'Sorry we are really limited for space!', it's fine IMO.

Threelittleduck · 10/10/2024 08:31

It's been a long time since I've done a kid's party but I remember that quite a few kids had both parents turn up.
I didn't even think about it, well apart from my friends DH who sat there looking miserable and refusing to engage with anyone (including his wife and daughter). Not really sure why he came.

Wendysfriend · 10/10/2024 08:31

Glad you got it sorted, it's so difficult knowing all these 'rules' around parties, I was so glad when we finished with that stage. I actually loved when more parents turned up because it was extra set of eyes, you can get distracted so easily and they usually dig in and help with games, food etc

Rigatone · 10/10/2024 08:40

It blows mine and and DH's mind when we see both parents attending kids parties. We have a strict turn taking policy usually to share out the pain! Totally understand your situation wanting DH help with toddler wresting while pregnant though.

At our DS 6th party at a soft play, (we do both attend when it's our own DC!) a child's parents both attended which was not a problem and up to them, but they brought along an early teen sibling who was bored stiff and kept trying to get into the little kids' soft play and having to be told to get out and sit down. Why on earth didn't one parent keep the teen at home and do something else with him?! Must be a good reason known to them and no skin off our nose. Felt sorry for the bored teen a bit.

Rigatone · 10/10/2024 08:41

BeeDavis · 09/10/2024 19:50

Any kids party I’ve been to both parents attend.. wow the bar really is low isn’t it if women just let their partners get away with not having to come to kids parties 👀👀

Nope, the male partners take turns and do 50% of the parties. Equal parents.

Peonies12 · 10/10/2024 08:42

It’s insane how anal people are about kids parties. It’s a party, chill out and have fun. I don’t care who comes to my kids parties, the more the merrier. We just get a load of food and drink in, and see who shows up.

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 10/10/2024 08:46

I just don't know where you all have the space for these people.

My sofa sits three. I usually move the other smaller chairs to make room for party games.

Dining table is shoved against the wall to become the station to apply glitter tattoos and is then covered in the buffet food.

I usually put down a big picnic blanket for them to eat at and then we do decorate your own biscuit type activities.

Thank god this wasn't a thing when mine were that age or you'd have been standing in the hall.

My house in ordinary times could cope with a few sets of adult couples but in order to have space for a party it means moving other stuff out of the way. And if I've gone to the effort to do that I don't want it replaced by random standing people.

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 10/10/2024 08:52

Peonies12 · 10/10/2024 08:42

It’s insane how anal people are about kids parties. It’s a party, chill out and have fun. I don’t care who comes to my kids parties, the more the merrier. We just get a load of food and drink in, and see who shows up.

And if you lived in a two bed flat this would still be fine?

I feel really sad that if this has become the norm it means those who do parties at home because they can't afford soft play or a fancy hire miss out.

My kids loved their little party games with their pals and at the time it was all I could have afforded for them.

Cornflakes44 · 10/10/2024 08:57

Might be an age thing. The few 3 year old birthday parties I've gone to there has often been two parents. I think it's seen as a chance to meet new people and socialise. It's nice. Obvs is space is an issue then that's a different thing. And maybe as they become more frequent it would be split more but I don't like the suggestion only mums should go to these things. Men are parents too!

AyrshireTryer · 10/10/2024 09:02

OP go and have some cake.

SallyWD · 10/10/2024 09:09

My kids are secondary school age and I've been to dozens of parties. I'd say it's unusual for both parents to attend but not completely unreasonable or crazy!
We had a party at home for my daughter's 5th birthday. We invited a Spanish boy. Both parents came with all three kids! This makes sense to me as I lived in Spain and saw that kids' parties are always a big social event for adults too, and they'd never leave out siblings.
If you're worried, just text and say, "I'll be coming alone. Sorry if my request was weird. This is our first kids' party, and we had no idea what the norm was."

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