Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

I am a bit surprised at the comments here!

We're not at the parties stage yet (apart from family and close friends where we both go) but I always imagined the both of us would go where possible. And no...it's not because my husband is controlling and won't let me out on my own...or because I'm a wet lettuce who can't hold a conversation...but because we like to do things as a family, especially on a weekend when time together is limited. But obviously I'm the weirdo...

I just can’t really understand why any family would want to waste 2 adults time on attending a child’s party. There is about 20 things I could think of doing that are either more interesting or more useful.

It’s fine!! We had a party at home for 3 yo and invited 8 children. Over half came with both parents.

4 yo party at home and invited 7 kids and 3 came with both parents and the others just one. One family asked if it was okay, we didn’t mind the more the merrier

Maybe I'm more forgiving than others but I'd be fine with it, and even if I wasn't 'fine' I'd keep it to myself and just think the mum didn't realise it was an inconvenience/not enough space etc. I wouldn't hold it against them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gosh i had no idea. We always go as a family. But then so do lots of others I've seen.

If she does then she's not worth your time anyway. Realistically I'm guessing she was hoping it would just be you so she could get to know you better and become friends.

I don't think there's anything wrong with both parents going - where we live, this is pretty common, especially if you're friends with the birthday child's parents. It's a good way for both parents to have a chance to meet other parents too.

You're probably really overthinking this, I start responses to people's messages all the time and then get distracted and before you know it 4 days have passed and I still haven't responded.

It's almost always this. The only family I know who do this every time without fail are hugely co-dependant (and the wife doesn't trust the husband to be left alone for more than 5 minutes).

Why would you need to check if the space is ok?

I think it’s odd that you both wanted to go.

But I don’t think it’s odd that both parents do go.

Can you tell us exactly how you worded it?
Perhaps it was your wording that she wasn’t sure of.

Are you sure that she was expecting either of you to stay?

If it’s at her home, then I assume it was a drop off and pick up later job.

Also, I like spending time with my DH; we spend most of the week like ships in the night. Kids birthday parties take out a chunk of this time so if I can hang out with my DH and chat then I'd quite like to do that.

It’s not a ‘family day out’ 🙄 it’s another child’s birthday party in a house with possibly limited space and a host who is juggling a load of rampaging kids.

Our house is small and we earn below average. We just invite a handful of kids and aren't bothered if both adults turn up.

Also agree with @KnottedTwine It says a lot about the relationship between the parents and none of it is good.

I don't think it's weird exactly because people have been doing it to us since y1 but I do find it annoying! The dads always eat loads of food and dh chats and 'hosts' them for bulk of the party while I run around doing everything. However, this problem may be specific to the dads I know/dh.

As a LP I always drew the short straw 😂😂

I remember to my shame 12 years later the day I cried on a parent who said I didn't need to attend her child's 8th birthday party with my autistic ds who had an epipen and unspecified allergies (just random allergic reactions 🧐).

The one parent made me feel my ds was included more than she'll ever probably remember what she did for me that day.

Not that I ever expected other parents to accept the child with epipen and no list of foods to actually be known to avoid! His autism made him quiet and very compliant - that wasn't an issue!

If I were you, I’d just send your dh, then you can put your feet up at home for a couple of hours!

I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking! She wouldn’t have been wrong to say no, but equally that’s not a difficult thing to say in these circumstances.

Maybe she started typing and stopped because she was distracted by her own 3 yo?

I think it's fine OP

Just leave it and if she says no don't take him

Leave it now.

Update!

I'm an idiot...

I messaged again when I last posted saying husband was on call working so it'd be just us regardless and looking forward to it.

She replied back pretty quickly saying that she got distracted with tea time and bed time but he would have been more than welcome.

All very friendly and it's just another case of me overthinking and making a tit of myself.

I will now be attending on my own though, having read most of these comments!

I'm not bad at chatting with strangers so shouldn't have too much of an issue.

DH and I used to alternate, or bribe each other to go. No point in both of us sitting through the pain of kids birthday parties 🤣

Also she could have started typing and stopped because she was busy or the phone rang or something

I think you’re over analysing this. I’ve been to loads of kids parties with both parents. My husband also comes along with me to our kids friends parties. I think it’s a lovely thing to do