Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

One of us draws the short straw and attends, we only ever attend together if it's a family party 🥳

@HangDai She's obviously trying to craft a tactful message, so I'd message again saying would she prefer drop off

I think suggesting a drop off for a 4th birthday party is worse imo.
At 3 & 4 you go and parent your child at a party.

I’m amazed by these replies. Where we are it’s far more common for both parents to go to a party for a 4 year old than just one!

Agree! Unless you are there as friends of the couple hosting, why do two need/want to attend? You invite 10 children to your house and then everyone turns up with 2 adults and suddenly you've got 30 people to host! One of us stays home with siblings and one of us endures the party. Where we live, most parents go on their own.

Yeah, it’s weird. Never happened in all the parties I’ve hosted over the years.

So we invited six little friends to my DC1's second birthday party, and ended up with ten parents and four siblings as well 😂. We do not have a huge house so it was a bit of a squeeze but we managed. I did have to move most of the furniture upstairs and adults had to sit on the floor. Luckily our house is quite open plan.

Sorry but I'd be horrified if the party I thought I was holding for a couple of kids and the odd mum turned into 30 people in the house.

It's not a social occasion for you. You are just there to supervise.

For kids I knew better I think they'd have been drop and go at four.

I did home parties to keep it low key, not to have to host.

Normally I’d roll my eyes given at both parents attending but given that it’s otherwise a family party and you won’t know anyone else there (such as other nursery parents), I think it’s polite to allow you to bring your DP!

Family parties we attend together mostly but DC friends, was always me! Yes sorry but it is unusual. After a few you realise it's the same old thing and it's a draw on who goes, usually the Mum, well in my case. X

Any kids party I’ve been to both parents attend.. wow the bar really is low isn’t it if women just let their partners get away with not having to come to kids parties 👀👀

Lol I was about to write the short straw but then rephrased to prevent some MNs who would say watching every moment when their DC at another party meant being a good parent! I did love watching the fun they had but a party on a Sunday morning, the mega loud music, small talk etc, wasn't the long straw.

Is this for real? I never take sibling to party unless invited.
If it's at someone's house hubby would drop me off for the party.
When parties are at venues he's often come
With me. We have a chat and a break from kids. Never even thought about it.
We would never take food/drink or anything away from the kids unless offered.
It's just about being polite and respectful and common sense.

That's what I thought!

Are all the other posters rich people with huge London open plan houses? Everyone is in little terraces here!

I'm amazed at how many people are saying it's normal for them to see both parents attend.

It was a thing round here when mine were in reception/Y1- not something I ever did as have three DC.

Exactly this. Although it's not a bit weird, it's really weird. It either means the DH is a bit of a shit who won't let his wife out on her own, or that the wife is a damp lettuce who won't do anything on her own without him.

Imagine if every child invited turned up with 2 adults. In a normal-sized house.

Same where I am, both at my kid's school and with our local and nursery friends. Sometimes we have developed friendships with the parents and sometimes both kids are invited.

We haven't been to many parties yet but we've both attended in a few cases. Two were soft play type ones where we're friends with the other parents and one was a little house party where I went with ds, but everyone ended up staying longer than expected because the weather was nice, kids were having fun etc - DH swung by thinking he'd be picking us up but ended up staying and chucking kids onto the bouncy castle while the mums chatted 🤣

Our son has some additional needs and sometimes it's nice to both go so one can keep a bit of an eye/be there to support if he needs it while the other can sit/try and make friends with the other parents etc. To be honest we've hosted little parties for ds and it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered about a dad turning up too.

Exactly this. Although it's not a bit weird, it's really weird. It either means the DH is a bit of a shit who won't let his wife out on her own, or that the wife is a damp lettuce who won't do anything on her own without him. Imagine if every child invited turned up with 2 adults. In a normal-sized house.

That's exactly what I thought but it sounds like it's normal in some areas.

Or maybe it means their kid needs a bit of extra supervision/support. Maybe it means both parents want a chance to see their kid have fun or get to know the other parents.

What's the problem? In most cases for kids parties it's not like you're accounting for sit down meals for adults is it, if you're lucky you get a bit of leftover kids buffet food 🤣

I've seen quite a few "both parents" attending at parties in our area, I don't see the big deal?

Love the assumption that both parents wanting to go to something for their kid means they're a weird family 🙄

What's the problem? In most cases for kids parties it's not like you're accounting for sit down meals for adults is it, if you're lucky you get a bit of leftover kids buffet food

Fine if it's a church hall or a community centre, less fine when there are 10 or 15 surplus adults crammed into your front room or kitchen.

What's the problem? In most cases for kids parties it's not like you're accounting for sit down meals for adults is it, if you're lucky you get a bit of leftover kids buffet food 🤣

As some posters have said it may be bloody stressful for the host if they don't want 2x the numbers rocking up to an indoor party in cold weather in a small house.

Are you going to suggest poor people with small houses shouldn't have parties if 3 humans per family can't fit? Honestly this would be an issue for our circles.

It’s almost as if not all areas and social circles are the exact same as your local experience.

Both parents? Like a day out? No, just send your DH and put your feet up.

I have very bad memories of DD third birthday party when we'd just moved in so didn't mind the mess. All the children's two parents wanted to stay so they ended up squashed round the walls of the party room and up the stairs!