Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

I don’t think it’s rude or strange, last nursery party we went to every child both parents were there.

I would see if DH could take them, I never went to school friends parties with my husband.

Times have changed. When my daughter had birthday party around that age parents just brought them to the house and collected them three hours later. I remember doing it by myself. Playing the piano for pass the parcel. All those games, sleeping lions was best. Monitoring the tea table, sandwich first, you have to have cake it’s polite and yes it’s a knickerbocker glory. it’s a busy job no time to talk to adults. I think parents would confuse and distract me. 🤭 also when child was invited it would be free time for me yay.

That's fine but then there are free options such as games in a park or adventure in a forest or whatever is appropriate to where someone lives. It doesn't have to cost much.

Most children like to run around and feel free at a party, just doesn't sound like a house so constrained adults can't accompany their children is the best solution.

I think don’t over think it. It’s basically completely individual: some people don’t have space for both parents, some are fine with both parents and all siblings and a variety of everything in between! Some may say only space for child and parent: just find out what the host is comfortable with. If you really can’t do the running around and it’s a one parent invite only then ask if your husband can take your child

This is so. My late DH's family do this with small children - though often party guests as well (and their parents). Older children seem to have play-dates or a party, though. Tbh, two year olds don't notice much apart from balloons and cake.

This is how we've done things and my youngest is 7.

I made the point earlier that I shove the furniture out of the way so we have space for this type of game so there's no where to sit.

Thankfully I live in a small place and so know the kids. Pre school age I just invited my friends and their toddlers, usually in the afternoon so it was a few mums and tots.

By P1 parents just dropped off.

They may have been low budget but my kids loved them and the kids all left happy. I wouldn't have fancied arranging it in a park in February. A home party seems a perfectly valid option without having to host 20 adults.

In my experience, there are three different styles of kids parties:

1. both parents (and other siblings) welcome / expected - tend to be as much of a friends and family get-together as they are for the birthday child. Particularly common for ages 1-3 but can be for older children too. Invite will often mention food and drink for adults and won’t have a strict start/end time

2. one accompanying parent - often for ages 4-6. Parent mainly there for extra supervision but also light socialising for adults. Tend to be specific start time but sometimes open-ended finish if held at home, Invite may mention refreshments for adults

3. drop-off parties - tend to emerge age 6-7 onwards. Parents not generally expected to stay, specific drop off and pick up time will be specified.

The boundaries are blurred between all three types. I don’t think thr OP was out of line to ask about DH attending. It’s not always clear!

I came here to say the same thing, I find it a bit cringe that the parents can't spend a couple of hours without eachother at the weekend, talk about 'joined at the hip'' sheesh 🙄

I think she has responded saying he could’ve come to be polite…. I think I’d invite a child and mum with the intention of getting to know the mum… the dad also attending might mean that the mum and dad end up sat together and not socialising.

Ex DP used to like us both attending these sort of things whereas I used to think it was overkill as kids' parties as generally tedious and I didn't see the point of us both suffering through it- I'd have rather took turns. I remember it being the subject of debates (arguments). It's a relief now we've split up and it's just the responsibility of whoever's weekend it falls on.

It probably doesn’t matter anyway - I don’t think they’ll be queuing round the block if that’s how you speak to them 😂