To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

[swimmingannoyance]

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

Typo in the title! Should read *expect, obviously

people make mistake and sometimes get distracted. If you weren’t in her line of sight how would she know you were there.
Did you ask her to close the door? Yes it’s a bit inconsiderate but we aren’t all on it all the time.

I said I wasn't in HIS line of sight, she was fully aware of my presence, the changing room is tiny. Like I said, had she opened the door any wider, I would have been.

We're there no cubicles, or any other areas that you could have stood that would keep you out of sight of the door?
That is a bigger issue in itself, as I assume at some point you have to take the towel away to get clothes on, and someone could open the door at any time?

I get that people make mistakes but I just would never do this. If another woman was changing beside me under a towel there is no way I'd hold the door open and chat to my male DP in the corridor. I find that highly inconsiderate.

It seems part of a general trend of people being unthinking about where they pause to have a conversation - at the top of escalators, in the middle of crowded walkways, even on staircases. People have lost the art of considering how their behaviour affects those around them.

Nope, no cubicles. It's a tiny square room with just benches along the sides. It's a special needs school (the company DD swims with hire the pool from the school), so they're not set up for that.

Yes. Hence why I do it quickly and hide under a towel. But people holding the door wide open with a male standing right there isn't exactly helpful.

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

I was tempted to ask her to close the door and had she held it open any longer I would have done. If she does it next time I will.

Feels like a bit of an overreaction. Toddler swimming, especially the getting changed bit can be pretty stressful. It’s easy to not really pay attention to what other people around you are doing. You’re very focused on just sorting out your toddler before they lose it!
I’d cut another mum some slack. Next time just tell her if it’s bothering you. Or place yourself well out of the eyeline of the door. It could open at any point presumably.

Possibly the worst diagram in the world 😂

But if it helps - I was standing where the blue cross is, and the woman was the red cross, holding the door. As you can see if she held it back a bit further her husband would have been able to see me 🙄

Not acceptable and very rude, imo.

@Smartiepants79
Yeah I'm fully aware of how stressful it can be, thanks, I've done it many a time myself! I still don't lose basic consideration for the other people around me. Especially women in a state of undress, ffs. That's not ok. Or maybe it's just me who would consider that, which I find shocking tbh.

Also, as you'll see from my diagram (white boxes at the sides are the available benches to change at), my options are either right in the eye line of the door (the left), or the right hand side which gives one option right in the corner out of eye line of the door (rude mum had taken that spot), or the other side of her (where I am on the diagram - the blue cross). So my options were a bit limited, the room is literally a tiny box.

But why only tempted? Why couldn’t you say something? That’s were the annoyance comes from, she’s non the wiser and your pissed off. A quick, can you close the door pls, I’m flashing your husband would have solved the situation.

But maybe you have been inconsiderate at some point in your life and you don’t know because no one told you and they were pissed off with you silently!

We went to somewhere with this set up to do swimming lessons. Most of the mums didn't swim with the kids (the dad's did) but were there to change the kids after swimming. This meant there was lots of conversations between mums and dads through the door with no thought that some women (well me) were actually getting changed. Used to drive me crazy - very inconsiderate.

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

@Namenamchange
I will be saying that if she does it next time. I find her rude in general tbh so this has probably just tipped me over the edge 😂

I don't want another man to see me in a fucking towel, is that ok?? You don't know my history so do not tell me to calm down. You have no idea why this bothered me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. Anyone who thinks this is ok has very questionable social norms.

My pool has a similar setup and I was getting changed the other day (only me there) when a female lifeguard walked in and said, "there's a man coming in in a minute."

I must have looked surprised because she followed up with "no, not in here, in the corridor outside. just so you know when you walk past after you've finished."

So if she thought that was important/it was a policy to mention, I don't think you're overreacting at all.

btw it turned out the man she was referring to was gay, so I imagine I would have been a disappointment 😂

That's a ridiculous setup for a changing room. You risk flashing every time somebody opens the door to go in or out. I'm not surprised this woman wasn't more careful as this isn't something most of us ever have to think about when using a changing room - they are designed so that nothing can be seen from the doorway.

The fault is with the facilities and with you for quietly seething instead of saying please close the door.

Sounds thoughtless of her but I’d probably just have asked her to close it and got on with my day rather than make a thread about it

I wouldn't want a random man seeing me in a towel either - I'm sure most women wouldn't. It's not about how much of your flesh is exposed, it's about being in a vulnerable position, in a space which should be female only - you are not mentally expecting or prepared for the 'male gaze'.

@Sethera

THANK YOU. You've articulated way better than I could why this was not OK. I felt vulnerable and exposed.