To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

[swimmingannoyance]

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

Well I guess you're a better person than her then. Congrats.

I'd say it makes me more considerate of other women in a state of undress, rather than "better". I don't think that's necessarily a bad quality.

Honestly, I would (and have) just politely shout "please can you close the door?". They probably don't realise they're exposing the room the outside world, as stupid as that sounds.

Where to start with this? I'm not "coming across as mean" - I'm matching the tone of the response I'm receiving.

And are you at accusing me of racism?? Because that's a low blow, and a huge leap, so I'd hope not.

The poster was saying the towel was equivalent to clothing in general.

I wouldn't do either but if I was forced to, I would rather be in swimwear than a towel.

This has been explained already by another poster - towels can fall off, and they can gape at unpredictable angles. They feel more exposing. To me, anyway. And the few other women on this thread who understand my point,

I think you should have just asked her to shut the door, because you’re getting changed. Some people need prompting, no point coming on here and moaning about it. If you’d said something maybe she’ll think on for next time.

It was thoughtless of her but just go in a cubicle in future. You can't rely on members of the public to have your best interests at heart. I've not been anywhere for a very long time that has communal changing rooms and not cubicles. And if they have communal changing rooms, they usually only open them for groups to use, such as schools. No one really wanders around starkers in front of strangers anymore.

@GigiAnnna
Definitely no cubicles available unfortunately.

I find that hard to believe unless you live in the back end of nowhere.

I don't know why you're getting the responses you are OP. She was inconsiderate and YANBU.

Yes, you’re unreasonable!

Other people will have different social norms to you due to culture, upbringing, personal experiences etc. and it doesn’t instantly make them wrong and you right. It’s just different!

There are some massive leaps being taken on this thread.

Yes, I guess towels could just spontaneously fall off, but the towel wasn't going to fall off in the circumstances described. And, no, I wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the high street only wearing a towel, but I would feel comfortable that I could cover my modesty in a changing room with a towel.

This is disingenuous to the extreme.

Would you wear nothing but a towel to work?

🙄

The default setting for changing rooms is privacy. That's why the room has a door.

Breaching the privacy is inconsiderate, thoughtless and rude.

But maybe you have been inconsiderate at some point in your life and you don’t know because no one told you and they were pissed off with you silently!

This so much, I’d assume most people have gone home at one stage or another and realised they did something inconsiderate!! Pobody’s nerfect!!!

@GigiAnnna

You can find it hard to believe all you like. It's true.

I live in a city, actually.

As I've said a few times, it's a special needs school and the company my daughter swims with hire their premises on a weekend for lessons. The set up is exactly as I've described- you walk straight into a small square shaped communal changing area with benches around the sides and hooks to hang clothes on. It's not a gym or a public leisure centre.

There are indeed some massive leaps. Such as me not liking this woman simply because she's "foreign" 🙄

The norm of her community is that changing rooms have doors to shield people from the view of passersby.

YANBU OP. She was inconsiderate. Definitely say something if it happens again.

(And ignore the idiots on here. All too cool for school.)

It is rude and inconsiderate. You just need to say it to her if she does it again. All you have to say is, 'Can you please shut the door. I'm getting changed'. Just say it.

It was a genuine question @BettyBardMacDonald it's been pointed out others asked before me, but I had missed it.
Anyone can be annoyed at anything , for whatever reason
The problem could have been dealt with then and there "shut the door hun"
I'm very doubtful the "door lady" intentionally set out to annoy the op

Yes it is inconsiderate but why on earth didn't you say "Can you shut that door please we are trying to get changed" in a tone of voice that let her know she was an inconsiderate twat.....then maybe glared at her until she apologised. You need to work on being assertive.

It was extremely inconsiderate. I wouldn’t like that changing room at all.
You need a towelling robe designed to change under. They’re a godsend. The Oodie ones are currently on sale.

Yanbu - she was rude... perhaps deliberately so? But then people are rude these days - I've had another woman facetime her male partner in similar circumstances when we the only two ina small changing room.

Your post and my own experience has actually made me ponder of this is a thing...like perhaps there are some women who get a kick out of pushing boundaries and making other women feel uncomfortable this way...for some people bullying does not stop after school

I mean, the woman isn't British, if that's relevant? So maybe it is a cultural norm where she's from. Who knows

this is a pretty iffy thing to say tbh, along with repeatedly stating you generally find her ‘fucking rude.’

I doubt she held it open because that’s ’her culture.’ More likely she just wasn’t thinking in a stressful situation no?

https://theoodie.co.uk/products/european-summer-beach-oodie

I like these because I prefer cotton to microfibre towels.
There is plenty of room to put your arms inside to dress and undress, and crucially, they don’t slip off unexpectedly.