To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

[swimmingannoyance]

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

Good for you.

Similarly, if I was as disinterested in a thread on MN as you are in this one, I'd get on with my day instead of commenting on it. 🤷‍♀️

Mumsnet wouldn't exist if everyone thought like this. What's the point of a forum if not to discuss things of interest or concern that have arisen in your life?

It might be she could tell you weren't visible there.

I think it's just a different perspective — plenty of women wouldn't be bothered by it, so it might not occur to them if they weren't told. I would be annoyed by it, but I'd probably say something. I can imagine, though, that for those most affected by fear or vulnerability in such a situation it's much harder to say something.

It might help to ask the pool staff to put signs up if this happens.

Well perhaps if it annoyed you so much you could have asked her to close the door rather than wait for her to do it again.

So there you go, you don’t like her so everything she does how ever bad is annoying. So nothing to lose if you tell her next time.
But be mindful your kids will likely end up in the same class and best friends

I guess this explains why a lot of changing rooms have 'double' doors.

That would make me very uncomfortable OP, and cross, YANBU. It is selfish, rude and entitled behaviour.

But be mindful your kids will likely end up in the same class and best friends

Bit of a crystal ball leap 😂

Yep. This is a special needs school though so the set up is different to a typical pool or gym.

I think I might have been less polite, but as there were children there would hopefully have restrained myself!

She wasn't naked. She had a towel round her.

She felt exposed. That's the main point. I still think if I'd felt like that I'd have asked her to close the door.

Indeed. Wouldn’t that have been a quick and simple solution?

I get you are annoyed about it. I would be too. But surely you just say "please close the door, I'm changing". I'm sure this other woman had no idea she had upset you, especially as you didn't say anything.

Why can't they manage the process without speaking with their spouse? What input were the dads providing that couldn't wait 10 minutes??

I don't think she is over reacting at all.

For the second time. IF she had kept it open any longer I'd have definitely said "can you please close the door". That prompt wasn't necessary because she closed it before I reached that point, like I said it was 1-2 minutes maybe. However, I didn't post here to ask how I could have dealt with this. I posted to ask if I am being unreasonable to find her behaviour rude and inappropriate.

You had your towel wrapped round you and you were not in his line of vision that's it non issue.

I WAS naked, underneath a towel. There might be some women who'd feel absolutely comfortable and not remotely vulnerable naked under only a towel in the presence of random unknown men. I am not one of those women. I don't think that makes me odd.

you have a young child for whom you are going to have to advocate for along time.

Use words. Why didn't you just say "close the door I'm getting changed here"?

You are not being unreasonable OP. I don’t want a random man seeing me in my towel- even if it’s for a minute! It’s thoughtless of the woman who was holding the door open.

Unless the fact that it's a special needs school means they can't safely offer any privacy, I'd consider suggesting they put up a screen or a curtain, at least, to provide a bit more privacy.

Yes, I'd have been annoyed. You expect people to not stand with the door open in a scenario like this, but some people are thoughtless or simply disrespectful of others' privacy, unfortunately. The only way to deal with them is to ask them to do the right thing (or avoid them, if they're the type you're afraid to 'confront' by politely asking them to behave normally)

Even if she shut it quickly I still think it's worth speaking up to try to prevent future situations.

@Brefugee
Thanks. I also have an adult child for whom I've successfully advocated as a single mother to her for 18 years and counting 😂 Trust me when I say I am more than capable of "using my words".

However, for the 3rd time, I didn't feel it necessary in this instance as the door was closed within minutes. My question is not, should I have spoken up, or how could I have approached this. I'm aware of the answer to that. My question is (again) - was I unreasonable to find this behaviour in the first place rude and unacceptable. It isn't something I would ever do, not ever. Out of basic common courtesy and in particular for women who might feel vulnerable and exposed if I were to stand chatting to my male partner with the door wide open when I can see they are changing under a towel. It seems I'm in a minority, which is fucking depressing in all honesty!

Naked "under a towel" is an odd concept. Like naked "under my clothes."

You were far more covered up than you would be in swimwear, as well as being out of the view of this woman's husband!

Do I think this woman should hold a door into a communal changing area open? No, but you're making a lot of fuss when you could have just asked her to close the door.