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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

217 replies

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:40

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/09/2024 14:39

OP, she was well out of order, I don’t blame you for being annoyed.

Having said that, I’m just waiting for someone to all too predictably pile in with ‘In X,Y,Z, European countries, nobody gives a toss about nudity, Brits are so uptight and prudish…’ etc. etc.

So before they do, I will just say that I don’t give a monkey’s what they do anywhere else - I like my privacy while getting changed.

Sinisterdexter · 21/09/2024 14:40

@swimmingannoyance next time shout
I'm not Bianca Censori. Shut the door.

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/09/2024 14:41

MamOfGirls2 · 21/09/2024 12:49

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

Me too. "Could you close the door, please?"

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/09/2024 14:41

She was thoughtless rather than rude. I doubt she was deliberately trying to let her husband see another woman naked. I think she was oblivious to you.

Ophy83 · 21/09/2024 14:52

I think the problem is the changing room design. Usually at swimming pools the door to the changing room is round a corner so there is no possibility of anyone in the corridor outside being able to look in and see people changing. Maybe get one of those beach changing gowns

GrumpyPanda · 21/09/2024 14:55

Yes, she was out of line. But tbh you were probably encouraging her by your bizarre towel contortions. I might do that to change on the beach out in the open, but in a single-sex space I CBA - that's why we have these spaces!! Just undress openly next time, she'll be much more aware. If not - a simple loud "hey - close the door."

MouseMama · 21/09/2024 14:55

Yes it’s rude and inconsiderate. Sometimes in these situations I hear a booming voice saying “excuse me, please can you ….” and am surprised to find that the voice belongs to me! Something positive about getting older!

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:56

Shinydoor · 21/09/2024 14:32

I mean, the woman isn't British, if that's relevant? So maybe it is a cultural norm where she's from. Who knows

this is a pretty iffy thing to say tbh, along with repeatedly stating you generally find her ‘fucking rude.’

I doubt she held it open because that’s ’her culture.’ More likely she just wasn’t thinking in a stressful situation no?

Erm, don't twist what I said.

It's not "iffy" at all to comment that she's not British in reply to another poster suggesting that cultural norms differ in other place, which as you well know was the original context of that comment.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:57

GrumpyPanda · 21/09/2024 14:55

Yes, she was out of line. But tbh you were probably encouraging her by your bizarre towel contortions. I might do that to change on the beach out in the open, but in a single-sex space I CBA - that's why we have these spaces!! Just undress openly next time, she'll be much more aware. If not - a simple loud "hey - close the door."

What?

OP posts:
Cantsleeper · 21/09/2024 14:59

It really seems like some of the commenters on this thread just want to argue/pick apart ops post and replies, instead of contributing anything of use? What’s the point of that!

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:59

Sorry @GrumpyPanda, are you saying that I encouraged her to open the door and talk to her husband while I was getting changed because I covered myself with a towel? And had I been openly naked with my tits proudly on display, she'd have been less inclined to open the door to talk to her husband?

What?

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 15:00

@Cantsleeper
Glad someone else noticed.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 15:02

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/09/2024 14:41

She was thoughtless rather than rude. I doubt she was deliberately trying to let her husband see another woman naked. I think she was oblivious to you.

I agree with you in the sense that I don't believe she was deliberately trying to let others see me naked. Of course I don't think that.

But thoughtless actions can also be rude. It's the lack of regard for others around you that can come across as rude. It doesn't have to be a conscious deliberate act to come across as rude to others.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 21/09/2024 15:08

Sethera · 21/09/2024 12:47

It seems part of a general trend of people being unthinking about where they pause to have a conversation - at the top of escalators, in the middle of crowded walkways, even on staircases. People have lost the art of considering how their behaviour affects those around them.

I think this nails it. Some folks are completely oblivious as to the impact of their actions on others. Stopping in the middle of the aisle at Tesco to talk at length instead of moving to one side- I saw two instances this morning. One woman seemed astonished that other people needed to get past her.

OP, if it happens again you need to speak up. Practise a phrase so you can deliver it when needed.

Magnastorm · 21/09/2024 15:12

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 15:02

I agree with you in the sense that I don't believe she was deliberately trying to let others see me naked. Of course I don't think that.

But thoughtless actions can also be rude. It's the lack of regard for others around you that can come across as rude. It doesn't have to be a conscious deliberate act to come across as rude to others.

There is though a very clear difference between someone who is being deliberately rude and someone who is just being a bit thoughtless.

"Hi, excuse me, do you mind just closing the door?"

"Haha! Oh, sorry, of course."

Job done.

FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals · 21/09/2024 15:17

You are not unreasonable to expect other women not to expose you mid getting changed to the men in the corridor.

The other woman was inconsiderate and self absorbed but obviously, as you know, not malicious. Next time speak up straightforwardly and tell her to close the door as you're not dressed.

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 15:24

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:12

I don't want another man to see me in a fucking towel, is that ok?? You don't know my history so do not tell me to calm down. You have no idea why this bothered me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. Anyone who thinks this is ok has very questionable social norms.

@swimmingannoyance

she partly opened the door to speak to her partner, she didn't expose you. Yes, I do think that's ok & no I don't have questionable norms!

im sorry for whatever you've previously been through.

but that doesn't make 'social norms' questionable.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 21/09/2024 15:25

She shouldn't have opened the door while you were changing, but you should have just said something at the time if it bothered you.

Staying silent and then stewing on it for hours is just silly.

TofuTart · 21/09/2024 15:25

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:12

I don't want another man to see me in a fucking towel, is that ok?? You don't know my history so do not tell me to calm down. You have no idea why this bothered me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. Anyone who thinks this is ok has very questionable social norms.

He didn't see you in a towel, though?
You were getting changed in a changing room and was naked under a towel, out in the open, not in a cubicle and near the door.
Anyone could open it at any time, surely?!
Also you say "if" she'd have held the door open further he'd have seen - but she hadn't.
So he didn't see anything.
Seems a bit of a non issue.
Say "can you shut the door please, I'm getting changed over here" in future

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 15:30

FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals · 21/09/2024 15:17

You are not unreasonable to expect other women not to expose you mid getting changed to the men in the corridor.

The other woman was inconsiderate and self absorbed but obviously, as you know, not malicious. Next time speak up straightforwardly and tell her to close the door as you're not dressed.

I agree, she was self absorbed and inconsiderate. Next time I will speak up!

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/09/2024 15:31

don't waste time worrying & whinging about it - it's happened, it won;t change things.
If it happens again, have the gumption to say "we're changing, can you close the door please"

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 15:38

Stath · 21/09/2024 13:58

How bloody dare you tell a woman who doesn’t want to be exposed when in a state of undress to ‘calm down’

People like you are such an asset to the patriarchy

@Stath

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

you can calm down too.

it was a minute or two. So short she couldn't even be bothered to ask the woman to close the door.

she had a towel wrapped around her, she wasn't naked. He couldn't see her anyway.

so yes, she does need to calm down.

supersop60 · 21/09/2024 15:40

Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:18

Mumsnet wouldn't exist if everyone thought like this. What's the point of a forum if not to discuss things of interest or concern that have arisen in your life?

This is true.
However, how hard is it to say "Can you close the door please?"

Moveoverdarlin · 21/09/2024 15:41

MamOfGirls2 · 21/09/2024 12:49

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

Except she wasn’t. She had a towel wrapped round her.

CJsGoldfish · 21/09/2024 15:41

The towel could slip off at any moment and will gape at different angles, with no 'security' of underwear
Would you happily walk down a busy highstreet with only a towel aroundyourself?*
Nah, probably not but how is that relevant? No one other than the woman in the changing room saw OP in her towel. The woman opened the door enough to talk but ensuring her partner couldn't see anyone IN the changing room. The OP just doesn't like her, as she admits 🤷‍♀️

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. End of? So you weren't really asking, you just wanted to moan about someone you don't like NOT exposing you in the change room? 🙄
I'm asking whether my annoyance is valid You're not really, see above 😂

I mean, the woman isn't British, if that's relevant? So maybe it is a cultural norm where she's from To not expose you?

She briefly spoke to her husband without you being in the line of sight. You were not exposed. Had she thrown the door wide open without any thought to you being there it would be a whole different scenario. But she didn't. You and your towel remained safely out of sight. Complete non issue

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