To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

[swimmingannoyance]

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

She just wouldn’t have thought about a random woman in the changing room. You weren’t actually naked and no one actually saw you. If you dropped the towel and a corridor full of Dads saw you completely starkers I could understand the post. But in this instance I think I would have thought ‘that was close, they could have got an eyeful’. But here’s the thing. THEY DIDN’T.

The OP just doesn't like her, as she admits

Yeah, this is bollocks isn't it. I did not say I just didn't like her. I said I've previously found her to be rude.

So do I, but seems many aren't bothered. Eye opening for sure 😂

Yet every time somebody says you're unreasonable, you berate them and tell them you're not.

I never understand what people get from starting threads like this, unless they enjoy the drama.

He wasn't in your eyeline. She probably knew this and held the door accordingly. If not, she's inconsiderate and you should have told her so. End of. No drama.

So he didn’t actually see you but might have done if she opened the door further? Surely men have seen you in a towel before at the pool or on holiday?

Yes but usually when I have my swim suit underneath. Not only in a towel whilst changing.

@CellophaneFlower many women have validated how I felt, which was vulnerable and exposed. So that's what I've taken from this thread - validation that other women would have felt similar. The entire reason I started the thread essentially.

Should have taken her less than a minute to shoo the child out to it's dad. But she should have apologised as well and held the door in a way where it was just a small gap that her body was shielding. I'd have been annoyed as well, towels can slip down easily when changing and you feel vulnerable.

Exposed to what though? His voice? As he couldn't see you.

Its a women's changing room not a random space for all gawpers and passers by. Its irrelevent that the OP had her towel on at that point - she is in a state of undress and its a space where women should not need to hide under a towel. Its an intimate space for women.

In women's changing rooms we have the right to expect not to share space with men or older boys whose mothers can't bear to be parted from them. We should be able to expect that space will not be left open to men passing by or gossiping at the door.

In the OPs situation I would (and have) loudly reminded the door idiot that its a women's changing room and to please shut the door or talk outside.

No amount of cool girl or handmaiden comments change that fact, however hard you try to shift women's boundaries around intimate spaces they remain intimate spaces and we should support them not undermine them.

This thread is fucking mental. Of course YANBU OP, the other woman was thoughtless and inconsiderate. It’s a changing room where women change and strip naked , you do not hold the door open and let men gawp in.

@CellophaneFlower

Exposed to mean, 'in a vulnerable position or situation'. I am not going to reveal the deeply personal reasons why I feel vulnerable with only a towel over my naked body in a public space near men. But nonetheless I do. And opening that door to have a chat with a man was a thoughtless and inappropriate action when a woman is undressing in the same space, in my opinion.

It would irritate me OP. The woman got wrapped up in what she was doing and lost sight of having any consideration for others.

Jesus Christ this website is choc full of adult women who can't, or refuse to, communicate. We are all guilty of doing things without necessarily thinking all the time, just say "excuse me can you shut the door please?"

@Natty13
Jesus Christ yourself. Read all my comments before you go down the "just use your words" route. That's not why I posted.

What do you want from this thread?

Validation that you’re annoyed?

to have a go at anyone that disagrees?

Once again, for the avoidance of doubt. I am fully capable of asserting myself. I am posting to ask if I am right to FEEL^^ the way I did in this situation; NOT to ask what I should have said or done.

@Shinydoor
As I've already said - to see whether any other women might feel similarly to me in this situation. And I've discovered that many would. Which has helped to validate my feelings.

But anyone that doesn’t agree with you, you get very aggressive with that they’re wrong. So clearly you believe you’re in the right. So what’s the point of posting?

Yeah that used to annoy me at my old gym. People standing half in half out when there are people changing is not on. Mind you I also don't like people getting fully ready then sitting on the changing bench for a lengthy phone tapping sesh when I'm getting changed either.

As I've already said - to see whether any other women might feel similarly to me in this situation. And I've discovered that many would. Which has helped to validate my feelings

it’s been about 50/50. So if it had been 75/25 disagreeing with you, you have changed your mind?

I don't believe I've been remotely aggressive.

So the door was open for all of a minute, no one outside the changing room could see you and you’re all hot and bothered about it?

@swimmingannoyance the lady holding the door open was really rude and thoughtless. Absolutely no situational awareness. Its a growing problem, people not using headphones, letting their kids run wild etc. I hope you feel able to say something if she does it in future.

Thirsty Thursday is coming across very badly. Telling women is calm down is a tool often employed by sexists. It is deeply rooted in the idea the women are hysterical and cannot control their emotions. Where's in reality every women should be able to expect privacy, safety and dignity when naked in a changing room.

YANBU. I would be mortified about another bloke seeing me in just a towel. I guess some women care about who sees them in this vulnerable state and some don’t. I feel the same if someone comes to the door and I’m in my pyjamas- I don’t answer.