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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

217 replies

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:40

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 21/09/2024 13:52

i really don't get why you are fairly agressive to posters you don't agree with but were a complete limp lettuce with the woman who was putting you in an uncomfortable position.

Sure if you want to come here and just moan but then don't post in AIBU?

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:53

Aggressive 🤣🤣

OP posts:
GoldenNuggets08 · 21/09/2024 13:53

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 13:09

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

I'm inclined to agree with this.... In summary, her husband DIDNT see you, she DIDNT open the door any further, and you weren't naked as you were wrapped in a towel which was probably providing more coverage than your swimsuit. Seems a lot of drama and stress over a few "ifs" and "buts"....

AbitOfProblem · 21/09/2024 13:54

People have really different ideas about what is okay in changing rooms. On the continent women just strip off completely while carrying on talking to each other. I found that really disconcerting, but no one else did. My Norwegian friend once stripped totally naked and carried on talking to me in a swimming pool changing room. I was mortified and she was totally oblivious.

I think if you want more privacy you need to be ready to speak up and quickly.

kittybiscuits · 21/09/2024 13:54

She was completely unreasonable, OP. Not sure what is wrong with some posters on this thread.

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 13:56

You seem to be quite direct on here, maybe you should be direct with her? Given you answers on here, you don't come across as being unable to stand up for yourself

Magnastorm · 21/09/2024 13:57

I mean, it's not ideal but I imagine the woman wasn't trying to allow people to see your boobs on purpose so just politely ask her to close the door. It's not hard.

Stath · 21/09/2024 13:58

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 13:09

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

How bloody dare you tell a woman who doesn’t want to be exposed when in a state of undress to ‘calm down’

People like you are such an asset to the patriarchy

Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:59

MasterBeth · 21/09/2024 13:51

Naked "under a towel" is an odd concept. Like naked "under my clothes."

You were far more covered up than you would be in swimwear, as well as being out of the view of this woman's husband!

Do I think this woman should hold a door into a communal changing area open? No, but you're making a lot of fuss when you could have just asked her to close the door.

You really can't see the difference between wearing clothes and having a towel wrapped around yourself?

The towel could slip off at any moment and will gape at different angles, with no 'security' of underwear.

Would you happily walk down a busy highstreet with only a towel around yourself?

Smartiepants79 · 21/09/2024 13:59

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:49

@Brefugee
Thanks. I also have an adult child for whom I've successfully advocated as a single mother to her for 18 years and counting 😂 Trust me when I say I am more than capable of "using my words".

However, for the 3rd time, I didn't feel it necessary in this instance as the door was closed within minutes. My question is not, should I have spoken up, or how could I have approached this. I'm aware of the answer to that. My question is (again) - was I unreasonable to find this behaviour in the first place rude and unacceptable. It isn't something I would ever do, not ever. Out of basic common courtesy and in particular for women who might feel vulnerable and exposed if I were to stand chatting to my male partner with the door wide open when I can see they are changing under a towel. It seems I'm in a minority, which is fucking depressing in all honesty!

This is clearly something that really bothers you for some kind of personal reason (?) that nobody, including the woman in the changing room, would know about. That is your right to feel that way. If I was the other woman and aware that you ha d been this upset I’d have been mortified and apologetic.
For myself, This is something and a scenario that simply wouldn’t even register to me to be something to even notice. I would not have been bothered about this happening to me. I would not have been naked and nothing actually happened. I don’t think I’d have done it myself anyway.
People see the world differently, the only way you’re going to always get it the way you want it is by saying something.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:00

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 13:56

You seem to be quite direct on here, maybe you should be direct with her? Given you answers on here, you don't come across as being unable to stand up for yourself

Again....

To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?
OP posts:
Shinydoor · 21/09/2024 14:00

Sheesh. Minor annoyance. You’ve drawn a bloody diagram. You need a chill pill!

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:01

@Thistooshallpass24
I think you're missing the point - just read my previous posts - I can't bear to top it again. 😂

I'm not struggling with assertiveness, nor looking for advice on how to approach it.

I'm asking whether my annoyance is valid.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:01

*type it again

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 21/09/2024 14:01

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:46

I get that people make mistakes but I just would never do this. If another woman was changing beside me under a towel there is no way I'd hold the door open and chat to my male DP in the corridor. I find that highly inconsiderate.

Well I guess you're a better person than her then. Congrats.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:02

Would you happily walk down a busy highstreet with only a towel around yourself?

A read of this thread would suggest many women would be fine with this 😂

OP posts:
Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:03

Thanks for the picture? Maybe you could draw one for the person who annoyed you.
I'm not sure why your anger was directed to me tho? I just pointed out that your answers on here are pretty "robust"

Caramellie3 · 21/09/2024 14:03

The sensible option would have been for her to walk the toddler out to the corridor to meet dad instead of trying to have the conversation through the door. Swimming changing always seems stressful with small children in tow though!

GoldenNuggets08 · 21/09/2024 14:04

Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:59

You really can't see the difference between wearing clothes and having a towel wrapped around yourself?

The towel could slip off at any moment and will gape at different angles, with no 'security' of underwear.

Would you happily walk down a busy highstreet with only a towel around yourself?

Edited

What a ridiculous question! Presumably the man had seen her in her swimwear. I wouldn't walk down a busy highstreet with only swimwear on!

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:04

AbitOfProblem · 21/09/2024 13:54

People have really different ideas about what is okay in changing rooms. On the continent women just strip off completely while carrying on talking to each other. I found that really disconcerting, but no one else did. My Norwegian friend once stripped totally naked and carried on talking to me in a swimming pool changing room. I was mortified and she was totally oblivious.

I think if you want more privacy you need to be ready to speak up and quickly.

I mean, the woman isn't British, if that's relevant? So maybe it is a cultural norm where she's from. Who knows.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:05

Caramellie3 · 21/09/2024 14:03

The sensible option would have been for her to walk the toddler out to the corridor to meet dad instead of trying to have the conversation through the door. Swimming changing always seems stressful with small children in tow though!

Which is exactly what I'd have done.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:05

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:03

Thanks for the picture? Maybe you could draw one for the person who annoyed you.
I'm not sure why your anger was directed to me tho? I just pointed out that your answers on here are pretty "robust"

Anger? 😂

OP posts:
Shinydoor · 21/09/2024 14:08

Op, you’re coming across as pretty mean on here.

Is the crux of it you dislike her because she’s ‘foreign’?

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:08

Just a quick question, why are you not naked under clothes, but naked under a towel?