If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

And the people posting to tell others what they should/shouldn't post could maybe think about why they need to post.

Oh so much this! It would be fine if marriages were truly equal partnerships, with both sides taking in equal responsibility for work and children but that's not what I see. I see women working themselves into ill health contributing financially to the household and taking on all the emotional and practical loads of children housework and life admin. And where are their husbands? Out on the golf course, cycling up hills wearing ridiculous Lycra get ups or playing 5 a side soccer several nights a week. We have indeed been sold a pup

But men deserve this misery?

You want a man to support you and feel bad for those women who have to work, but if the man is working, he's missing out on the growing up you feel is exclusively owed to the woman.

She obviously expects women to get a free pass to be the female equivalent of a cocklodger.

.

I find someone who doesn't work at all to help with the family unit unattractive.

I work because I want to and I'm setting a good example to my children, my hours mean when they were little they didn't see me gone, I did all school runs and parents events, now they are older I can work around them even more.

If my partner wanted to stay at home all day whilst I was out working, I imagine it would eventually grate on me, and I'd worry of anything happened to me how we would cope.

2 parents working it the norm, don't look down your nose at people for doing things different to you.

I agree. Some of the 'wait until he leaves you and blah blah blah' - said with such glee.
Women with careers are left as much as women without, and many career women are stuck in awful relationships because they can't 'afford- to leave.

I'm in support of women's choices, as long as what they've chosen makes them happy. If it doesn't, then i wish they're able to leave. I will also caution against leaving yourself overly vulnerable, but other than that, to each his own.

Wow imagine relying on someone else provide for you.

This! have you considered the reverse, how men feel about women who expect to be supported financially? And maybe that some women actually enjoy working and making a contribution to society?

The adhd thing is interesting. I have adhd and have a very low boredom threshold. Work is very stressful sometimes but I don't think the lack of structure as a SAHP would be good for me at all... quite the contrary, actually.

@sunshinesparklestar - I am a person in my own right not a kept woman. It's no good women wanting equality when it suits us.

You can live whatever life you like but you don’t have to pity me for having a well paid job I find fulfilling. I’m fine hun.

I also work hybrid so most of the time I’m at home when my daughter finishes and she goes to an after school care she loves twice a week.

Out on the golf course, cycling up hills wearing ridiculous Lycra get ups or playing 5 a side soccer several nights a week. We have indeed been sold a pup did make me chuckle, but it's absolutely true.

@sunshinesparklestar

Do you also feel sorry for the men who want to spend more time with their children but have to work?

CagneyAndLazy

There's a difference between engaging with a thread and throwing around cheap, spiteful stereotypes.

MN is terrible for this.

Either this thread is a wind up, in which case people are giving the OP the bitchy responses she / he wanted.

Or, if it's genuine, you are all contributing to a list of verbal abuse aimed at women who don't work - of which there will be a lot on here, whether you like it or not.

Same for me

Bots pushing the tradwife lifestyle? There's a worrying trend of trying to get women back in the home, look at JD Vance in the US

I won't judge or pity you, OP, for your choices.

So please don't judge or pity me (or your neighbour) for mine.

My DH could 'keep' me but he respects and supports my ambition and independence.

My DD is growing up with the same values, which means that her potential partner pool won't be limited by any possible suitors' financial limitations.

My life is well balanced. For all you know, your neighbour's could be too. So save your pity.

I don’t find it unattractive but I wouldn’t want to date a man who makes less money than me. I have also always been in relationships where he pays most of the bills because that has been what’s fair for us (60/40 split, 80/20 split, and currently 70/30 split based on income). I also do most of the house work, about 70%, probably less recently because I’ve hurt my shoulder so right now he’s getting a sore deal with 70% of the bills and 60% of the house work. I will say with my ex who paid 80%, he made me feel weird about it and held it over my head. Now THAT was unattractive. Also he didn’t respect my career (I worked with children at the time and I loved it but obviously it’s not well paid).

One thing that’s very important to me though is gifts. Doesn’t have to be crazy but some flowers, a sweet treat when you go to the shops, it really can just be a simple thing to show I’m being thought of. I couldn’t be with someone who’s really stingy and doesn’t do that for me.

In theory I’d be happy with 50/50, but it would really be 50/50. He would have to do 50% of the housework and yes I would be tracking. I would be picking where we go for dinner or what we do on days out 50% of the time. Also I’m choosing what we watch 50% of the time, so if Real Housewives clashes with your Old Firm game then sorry you can watch it on the small TV.

Why is your post about a man keeping a woman? Why in this day and age isn’t it about one person in a relationship being able to stay at home?

oh and I’m a widow if your husband died tomorrow despite what you have in place you’d prob still have to work at some point.

I think this arrangement works extremely well in early and middle childhood. However husbands tend to become king of the house by the teen years and the teenagers are often a little contemptuous of the sahp

I really enjoy working though. So does DH. Neither of us would be very good at staying at home all the time. Children grow up fast and then what? My job is a lot more fun than being a housekeeper and I get paid.

I just wouldn’t want to feel so vulnerable in the future.
Illness, bankruptcy, or being left for another woman.

😂

The only thing I’m taking away from this is that you’re really lazy and happen to be wealthy so that you don’t have to work. Some of us have ambition and stuff 🤷‍♀️

Imagine if some bloke posted on here that he should be kept either by a woman or the state?