If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

'It is just my personal opinion that I find a man attractive who can afford to give me the life I thrive in. He also finds a woman attractive who can run the home.'

@sunshinesparklestar

Ooh he'd love me then because I can go to work and contribute financially and maintain my independence AND GUESS WHAT?!

I can run the home as well.....

Go me and the majority of women 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I don't get why it's the husband who expected to support everyone. That sort of gendering damages everyone in the long run.

Some women seem to have no ambition beyond being a man’s pet.

Do you feel sorry for the men who wish they could stay at home, but can't?

It is just something I find attractive.

This makes absolutely no sense, given that you said your family had to support your DH when you got together. By your own criteria he was completely unattractive at this point. Why did you get together if you didn’t find him attractive? Your own posts make no sense.

Also there are thousands of people with ADHD who have jobs and work and, yes, also look after kids. If you can look after your own kids and run a household then you can get a job. Fine if you don’t want to but don’t blame it on ADHD, that’s bollocks.

Do you also feel sorry for men who don’t want to work and instead spend time with their children?

I don't want your pity. What happens if your DH goes bankrupt?

I think woman who lose all capability to financially fund themselves via a good job as they are relying on a man to do it are leaving themselves in a very vulnerable position long term. I don't have to work financially but my kids are all in school and I love working. My income pays for holidays etc and I work school hours only

Is ADHD the new anxiety in terms of 'something people on MN claim to have when they don't want nasty responses to their inane post'

Run a house? That applies to a country estate not an urban house
Houses don’t need women to run them,that’s stretching tasks to fill time

Well, I suppose you're not unreasonable to have your own opinion, but I think it makes you a stone cold weirdo who's perpetuating gendered nonsense, if that helps?

Well, I suppose you're not unreasonable to have your own opinion, but I think it makes you a stone cold weirdo who's perpetuating gendered nonsense, if that helps?

It's no wonder male suicide is 3 times as high as female suicide with views like OPs.

I don't understand what you're asking. You've framed the question as "Are you being unreasonable for finding money attractive?" I mean, I don't know. If that's what you like, it's what you like. Some women are only attracted to men who buy them loads of jewellery, it's the same thing.

But then the rest of your post harps on about feeling sorry for other women, so it seems like what you're really asking is whether everyone else shares your money driven tastes. All I can say is that I don't. I love being the main earner in my household.

You feel sorry for your neighbour down the street? Be happy so many of us do work. Imagine how much worse the NHS, other services would be if all women workers suddenly downed tools and all that tax revenue dropped off a cliff. You use those services, schools, education etc.

You can find anything you want attractive or unattractive. But I hope you realise there more than one way to live, and you don't impose this attitude on your son or daughter.

I love being a SAHM
I love that my husband provides financially, while I provide a nurturing home for the family.
I love that his self worth and esteem is boosted by having a clear purpose and responsibility.
It would be great if this was an option for all families if they wanted it.

However, I don't pity other women and their specific choices and circumstances. Everybody has their own path to follow and my desires are different from the desires of others so we must never look down on other peoples decisions! I do feel bad for mums who'd love to stay at home with their kids but can't afford to. It's a shame. Society can benefit so much from having an every present parents in our children's home and valuing motherhood more.

Lol. This.

Just be careful OP, A friend thought this way, good business, indie schools for DC, lots of input into kids, ensuring their educational needs met. They had properties rented out, nice holidays, DH paid into a pension for her....until he decided to check out..she was left with one derelict house, her DC sided with dad, he robbed the pension funds, she's now 70 and living in a barely habitable cottage, on pension credit, wealthy kids who did so well, because she facilitated a idyllic childhood, barely speaking to her. He used his talents to ensure she was left poor she couldn't afford to fight it indefinitely.

I find Elon Musks' money attractive. Definitely not the man you understand 🤢 just his money.

You can’t stand on your own two feet because you have ADHD and yet can run a ship shape home?

I have ADHD and sounds like you’re making excuses.

Well I find it unattractive when a woman could go to work but chooses to be lazy and sponge off her husband.

I’m a research scientist and took a couple of years out while my youngest was tiny to be a SAHM, and was bored stupid despite my many creative hobbies. I could feel myself slipping into that old cliche of having nothing to talk about outside of kids and home stuff and I really didn’t like it. Likewise the women that I know that have been/are long-term SAHMs bore me senseless because again, they have nothing to talk about and no identity outside of the home. It’s not for everyone. Plus, in my mid-50s I’ve seen more than my fair share of SAHMs being utterly shafted when their devoted husbands run off with someone much younger, and having not worked for many years, struggling incredibly hard to build any sort of life or identity for themselves. No thanks to that. And one more thing…I love being able to spend my own money. If I want a £500 handbag or a gorgeous pair of shoes catches my eye, I don’t need to ask permission.

But what about the men who want to stay home and spend time with their kids but have no choice but to work?

'There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school. '

Maybe she feels sorry for you too? It's not what you would choose, but maybe your life isn't what she would choose. It's certainly not what I would choose.

My job gives me enormous mental stimulation, money-can’t-buy experiences and routine for my ADHD brain. I might enjoy a few months off work but I would be bored after that.