If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Well I mean, there are worse things, but my brain would decay.

I can't think of a anything LESS attractive than a man who wanted to "keep me" 🤮
He can fuck off with that, I'm my own woman and I earn my own money thanks. I'm actually the breadwinner in our house and I'd like to keep it that way 😅

It's funny cos on mumsnet it's often said that if your name is on the house and he pays your NI and pension, you would be fine
.

These days you'd need to earn a really high wage to be able to support a family with one income. I personally think it's a hell of a lot of pressure to put on the man. It also implies that the woman is only there to run the house. Most women I know want to work.

You ok? 😂 no one said only to talk about work! But ambition and goals and independence are attractive to most people!

I'm not only with him for his money, I would also never leave him if he could no longer run his business.

Well, of course not. You could just go straight back to leaching off the fam. But most people aren't in that happy position.

I think the phrase you're after is 'provider man', @sunshinesparklestar . I've seen it being used on Tiktok.

Also that would be like saying well you only talk about cleaning? As SAHMs often say their role is a job?

You just can't stop yourself, can you @sunshinesparklestar? All your posts are both defensive and attacks on other women. It all seems to stem from your own self-confessed inability to forge a meaningful career for yourself (or even hold down a job at all). If you wanted to, I'm sure you could develop the skills necessary to work. But instead, you're trying to reframe what you see as your own inadequacy into some sort of ideal lifestyle.

Yeah I have a friend who says her husband often tells her how ‘invaluable’ her role as a SAHM is, while demanding that she launders all his clothes, cooks all his meals, ensures the house is spotless while looking after their 3 small children, I wonder if he has any vested interests in the ‘invaluable’ comments…

Sadly there is no better proof of how someone’s world shrinks when they have no work. How small their worlds become. How limited they become as individuals following that .

than writing about seasonally sorting a child’s wardrobe.

when that becomes a thing for you, then you need to either get a job or start volunteering. Because that’s just utterly sad, that anyone would even think it was significant enough to write, never mind write it. How small would your world need to be. How limiting. That that would be a thing.

utterly tragic.

It’s called “finding stuff to do to look busy now that my kids are in school six hours a day.”

We do a seasonal sort out of any clothes grown out of etc and making sure suitable weather options are easily accessible. Takes about 40 mins.

It's the same for Chinese families too but the women do work. The granny looks after the children. Granny takes quite a long time to need full time care, my grandma was caring for my SEN cousin into her 70s (he is non verbal most of the time). When she did need it, my parents used their savings to pay for a carer.

One thing interesting about Islam is that polygamy is accepted. In Chinese culture actually it was concubinage rather than polygamy and concubines were considered chattel and that has been outlawed. If wealth is required to marry then it makes sense only the richest men can marry which is probably why the middle east is the most unstable region (many young poor men who cannot afford the bride price)..

No poll as you know full well that you are being unreasonable.

You say you feel sorry for the couple where the woman has to work full time, but how do you know she doesn't want to work anyway?

Not all woman want to be kept.

No poll as you know full well that you are being unreasonable.

You say you feel sorry for the couple where the woman has to work full time, but how do you know she doesn't want to work anyway?

Not all woman want to be kept.

You're perfectly reasonable to find whatever you want attractive in a man. Where you are unreasonable is in your misplaced pity for women who work. Very patronising and very much unwanted.

yes It’s a myth. I mean if there’s 800k equity in your house then you probably will be okay as in you will have enough to buy a house. But if your 60-70k earning husband cheats on you and your house only has 200k equity and a large mortgage that you wouldn’t be able to take on yourself then you are pretty screwed. Even if you are given all the sale proceeds (which you normally wouldn’t be) then you’d still really struggle to get something without a mortgage. In the past houses were cheaper. These days your earning capacity is one of the most valuable things you can have. Give it up at your peril.

Plenty would judge a woman who doesn't work, especially now her child is at school. They would think her dull and lacking in aspiration. They'd think 'but what does she DO all day and what does she have to talk about?'
People in glass houses ...

We all have our own turns ons and turn offs. I once read about a man who was turned on by the idea of himself as an oven-ready chicken. He used to see a prostitute and he’d pretend to be the chicken and get in an oven tray (cardboard box) and she would pretend to put him in the oven. So it takes all sorts, op.

this really made me laugh 🤣

Childminder? Cleaner? Cook?

I think it's a bit more time-based...

Do you also think it’s ‘unattractive’ for women not to be able to support their husbands to be SAHDs? If not then you are a misogynist, if yes then I guess you’re pretty unattractive…

"Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here
Hey! Little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love"

Wives and Lovers, Jack Jones, 1963

So - what would you do if he left you?

Fantastic 🤣🤣🤣 when you say over-ready was he like in one of those 'roast in the bag' things or more of a spatchcock?