Page 27 | If a man can't afford to keep me

sunshinesparklestar · 2024-09-20T12:16:40+00:00

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to. I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life. The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school. I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

TrishM80 · 20/09/2024 18:43

Seasonal wardrobe, what a crock of shite.

Lizzie67384 · 20/09/2024 18:43

DadJoke · 20/09/2024 18:42

the child's wardrobe is sorted seasonally

I have failed as a parent! On the other hand, you must have peculiar children if their clothes still fit them a year later.

Also surely it takes like 5 mins to put some winter coats away 🤣🤣I work full time and I’d say this was a 10 min job at the most?!?!

PeachRose1986 · 20/09/2024 18:44

EI12 · 20/09/2024 18:39

You mean they are far too busy leeching off them? And then - oh, wait - cos they have too much time on their hands, they start affairs, to prove that they are still attractive with sahm they befriend. Like Miranda's Steve in SATC. He too, was trying to prove to himself he was still attractive to women whilst being supported by Miranda. Actually, it was almost like a documentary, SATC.

Show quote history

Oh dear, you appear to assume that ‘hard working wives’ does not include SAHM’s.

EI12 · 20/09/2024 18:45

Spacecowboys · 20/09/2024 18:35

Op I hope if you have daughters that you encourage more than this. Having a stay at home parent whilst children are young is one thing, promoting financial dependence on a spouse/ partner, as a way of life long term is another. There are so many opportunities out there. Women can have careers and raise children.

Show quote history

Absolutely! And if they are thin enough, you can also send them up chimneys to sweep them in between child rearing and working. So many opportunities! Where do you get this nonsense from? Opportunities like what? The thrill of being a book-keeper, sorry accountant? Or an dog's body, sorry, law firm's associate before you make it to partner? Most jobs these days are awful, including highly paid ones, let us be honest! I travel the world with my job, never saw any destination properly, work and then sleep in hotel. Or a work do in the evening. Never relaxing on a work trip.

Beezknees · 20/09/2024 18:45

Bangwam1 · 20/09/2024 18:20

Feminism is about allowing women the freedom to choose but educating them on the pros/cons of said decision.

What I’m seeing on here isn’t that. It’s bullying, spite and judgement.

Show quote history

OP has been pretty spiteful and judgemental in her posts including the first one, looking down her nose pityingly at working women. Don't act as if she hasn't.

Bellatrixpure · 20/09/2024 18:45

I enjoy my job. I enjoy the mental stimulation , I like that I don’t have to depend on my husband to buy the things i want.

I leave for work early which is fine.

Honestly don’t feel sorry for people like me.

Michelle12A · 20/09/2024 18:45

and I assume men find gold diggers unattractive

CandidHedgehog · 20/09/2024 18:45

andbytheway · 20/09/2024 18:36

" If she didn't have a child she may have to be a dog walker or a freelance reiki healer or something"

I guess that's the stark choice we face in 20/4. Children, dog walker or reiki healer...

For a certain type of woman from a well off family but with zero ability to hold down a job, sadly yes.

Men of the same type tend towards ‘lifestyle coaching’ or ‘fitness trainers’.

All of these can absolutely be real jobs …. just not the way the unemployable family supported individuals do them.

Spacecowboys · 20/09/2024 18:47

Beezknees · 20/09/2024 18:42

I missed the seasonal wardrobe sorting. That is utterly ridiculous 🤣

Our wardrobes are like Monica from friends secret locked closet. If I can close a door on it I’m good with it 😂. We do a good clear out now and again for the charity shop.

Beezknees · 20/09/2024 18:48

Lizzie67384 · 20/09/2024 18:43

Also surely it takes like 5 mins to put some winter coats away 🤣🤣I work full time and I’d say this was a 10 min job at the most?!?!

Show quote history

I'm a lone parent with a full time job and I reckon I could do it in 10 minutes, not that I would because I've got better things to do. Even if I didn't have a job I wouldn't be organising a seasonal wardrobe 😭

Spacecowboys · 20/09/2024 18:48

EI12 · 20/09/2024 18:45

Absolutely! And if they are thin enough, you can also send them up chimneys to sweep them in between child rearing and working. So many opportunities! Where do you get this nonsense from? Opportunities like what? The thrill of being a book-keeper, sorry accountant? Or an dog's body, sorry, law firm's associate before you make it to partner? Most jobs these days are awful, including highly paid ones, let us be honest! I travel the world with my job, never saw any destination properly, work and then sleep in hotel. Or a work do in the evening. Never relaxing on a work trip.

Show quote history

Im sorry for you if you hate your life.

Lizzie67384 · 20/09/2024 18:50

Beezknees · 20/09/2024 18:48

I'm a lone parent with a full time job and I reckon I could do it in 10 minutes, not that I would because I've got better things to do. Even if I didn't have a job I wouldn't be organising a seasonal wardrobe 😭

Show quote history

Me either 🤣 my son absolutely would not care to be ‘seasonally’ dressed either haha!

Jingleballs2 · 20/09/2024 18:51

Maybe she chooses to work?
My husband would be more than happy for me to stay home, but I don't want to! And my job is low paid as well, not a high flying career

Ifoughthefight · 20/09/2024 18:51

You need at least the UK average income of 35 000 to make it on the basics, like the cheap average home of 200 000 and all the rest.....You can have a man who supports a wife on that. But how less is not enough....?

Lizzie67384 · 20/09/2024 18:51

EI12 · 20/09/2024 18:45

Absolutely! And if they are thin enough, you can also send them up chimneys to sweep them in between child rearing and working. So many opportunities! Where do you get this nonsense from? Opportunities like what? The thrill of being a book-keeper, sorry accountant? Or an dog's body, sorry, law firm's associate before you make it to partner? Most jobs these days are awful, including highly paid ones, let us be honest! I travel the world with my job, never saw any destination properly, work and then sleep in hotel. Or a work do in the evening. Never relaxing on a work trip.

Show quote history

I’m a solicitor not a partner and absolutely love my job!! Cheers to being financially independent and not under the control of a man!!

Jingleballs2 · 20/09/2024 18:52

MiddleParking · 20/09/2024 13:21

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive?

I’d have thought it’s a good thing you don’t find other people’s husbands attractive, since you really can’t afford to piss yours off?

🤣🤣 christ!

grandmabrown · 20/09/2024 18:52

When me and DH met 11 years ago he was employed and not earning much at all, my family supported us

Did you find it attractive when he allowed his wifes family to support him? I think its perfectly fine to find him supporting you attractive but I just wondered if you found it the opposite when he couldnt?

Bangwam1 · 20/09/2024 18:53

floral2027 · 20/09/2024 18:30

This doesn't account for the financial benefits of growing up in a dual income household. We all know that future attainment is closely correlated with parental income or wealth. In today's day and age where people largely marry others from similar educational backgrounds, the earning potential of the woman is likely to be close to that of the man. So it is 2 times household income and that is likely to make a difference.

I have heard of women returning to work as receptionists to pay for the private school fees, that will probably have a lasting impact on the child's life. Hence why daughters of working mothers have higher incomes. I am a beneficiary of this as I graduated with no student loan and 2 working parents (dad could start his business as mum was sole earner for a year and that made him a millionaire)..OP herself says she has no earning potential and can't hold down a job so in a way this isn't a choice, just a sad situation. If she didn't marry it may well be the same but as she has a child it is socially sanctioned. If she didn't have a child she may have to be a dog walker or a freelance reiki healer or something to cover up for the joblessness which can be awkward cos many people may ask too many questions about how many customers she actually had. My SIL has adhd too as well as aspergers and she tries to earn money online but many people don't see it as a job. If she managed to marry and have a child, I would 100% encourage her to be a housewife and identify as such to avoid the stupid questions.

Show quote history

I agree the financial aspect is extremely important too but I feel we massively underplay the importance of the bond in the first year in our culture. There’s a balance to be had.

What determines the outcome on the child’s development is the happiness of the mother and how well she can nurture or if necessary, afford high quality childcare that allows the child to be properly nurtured.

To sum up, women are doing what's right for them and their children, with the circumstances they have been dealt.

Thanks for being able to communicate in a normal, healthy way. There’s a lot of angry women on here.

Perimenopausalpenny · 20/09/2024 18:53

ExtraOnions · 20/09/2024 13:22

….AIBU not to get wound up by such a goady post ?

… AIBU to think someone has written this specifically to annoy people, rather than reflect the reality of their life?

…AIBU to think that there must be lots of other, much more productive, things to do with your time

She doesn't work so has a damn sight more time than me!! Hope her home is spotless... (Mine definitely isn't!)

AvocadoDevil · 20/09/2024 18:54

Isn’t this the “oldest profession in the world”?

Pottedpalm · 20/09/2024 18:55

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 20/09/2024 18:41

It is not an equal partnership if only one person bringing in the money.

The person not earning are leaving themselves vulnerable if the relationship breaks down.

At the end of the day, the person bringing in all the money has the power.

We read it time and time again here on Mumsnet.

Of course it can be an equal partnership, there’s more to it than money.

Lizzie67384 · 20/09/2024 18:57

Pottedpalm · 20/09/2024 18:55

Of course it can be an equal partnership, there’s more to it than money.

Show quote history

I don’t agree with that - the only friends I have who don’t work (have no career and look after the kids) are utterly controlled by their partners - who wants that life? Being told what you can and can’t buy, when you’ve spent too much? When you’ve bought something they don’t like?

rainsofcastamere · 20/09/2024 18:57

rainsofcastamere
How does it end?

What, you don't know how fighting with biology ends? Exactly the same way, each time. Disaster in the form of a working mother or elderly first time mother or a detransitioner, or a womb falling out of a female weight lifter or a skull crushed in a female MMA fighter, etc. etc.

@EI12

I mean, I've tried my best to understand what you've written. I'll not lie, I have struggled. Are you comparing working mothers to 'trans' people?

Bloatstoat · 20/09/2024 18:57

'But there are certainly not so many men of large fortune in the world as there are pretty women to deserve them'.

Age old problem.

andbytheway · 20/09/2024 18:58

Only on MN..,

Men who are SAHD's are all at it flirting with the mums at baby groups (SATC says so)

SAHMs are prostitutes

Blimey. Whatever happened to just just wanting to be with your own kids?