Not allowed on Boys trip

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted a while back of problems between my DH and I...we've ironed out so many things to make us work and so far so good. I genuinely thought it was over between us.

One of the things we compromised on was he has a set of friends around 10 of them and whenever they go on lads trips around 4 or 5 of them regularly cheat and will sleep with other women when abroad. It's horrible but normalised in their group.
So for me it was important my DH never go on these trips with this friendship group as I'm a believer of 'birds of a feather flock together' and my DH was fine with never going abroad with them as to him it's important that we are back to where we used to be. Obviously I'm over the moon he's agreed to this. But just a few days ago we all went out as couples and few of the boys were asking me constantly if DH can go etc..it got to the point where they kept on asking that I nearly told them that I know they make a point of sleeping with other women when on hols! But I just stuck to saying that I'm not comfortable in DH going...
I've got no idea if im doing the right thing in not letting him go. I trust him but can you trust a man enough to go on a lads holiday where cheating is the norm???
So aibu in stopping my DH from going on a lads trip?

The main thing is does he want to go and if so why?

Unless he has form for cheating on you and that was the issue to your problems previously then I understand that but if not then it's controlling.

This sounds pretty controlling OP....

You either trust him or you dont?
If you trust him he should go.
If you dont.... well the holiday is not the real problem

Maybe because people like to go away with their friends?

Was one of the issues an affair?

Do you think he's just waiting for the right opportunity to have sex with someone else?

Imo you either trust someone, or you don't, and if you don't you shouldn't be with them.

Just say to their faces you know they screw other women. Life is short then you die, don't bother trying to stay on their good sides, they're pricks.

Is there a history of cheating or something? Or you don’t trust him? If not then it seems quite controlling…..

Well yes, but if the whole point of the trip is so his friends can cheat I'd wonder why he wanted to be friends with people like that and what he would get from the trip.

This is truly disgusting. If a man had posted that his wife goes on holidays with 10 women and that 4 or 5 of them regularly cheat on their husbands, the OP would be told his wife is hanging around with sluts.

I would not be with a man who thinks this half of the group shagging and cheating on their wives is normal.

He needs to be a grown up and tell them why you’re not comfortable with it. Suspect he’s also not comfortable with it overwose why would he have told you what happens

Are you actually 'not letting him', which is controlling? Or is it that you have mutually agreed that these trips are not healthy and he has decided not to go any more.

If he has agreed that with the current state of your relationship that going on these trips is a bad idea, he needs to be the one to say that to them. Not let it be pushed back to you so that you look controlling.

I couldn't care less if my husbands mates were doing that stuff (well I could, as I'm good friends with all the wives!) but I wouldn't stop my husband going as I know he wouldn't do that.

If the only reason he isn't sleeping with other women is because you don't let him go then you have much bigger issues.

You either trust him or you don't. Don't waste your life on someone you don't trust.

You don't trust him, it's controlling.

My DHs friend is a pig, openly talks in front if us both about what he gets up to. My DH can go where he wants with him and his group of friends as he's an adult and I trust him.

Does he have form for cheating?

Why are his friends asking YOU if he can go? Is he blaming you? "I'd love to come but suspiciousqueen won't let me".

Why isn't HE owning it? "I've decided not to come anymore". Or even that you've made a joint decision.

Sounds like he's palmed it all off as your fault and he's the poor henpecked husband. That's not very grown up.

It all sounds incredibly immature. He should have told his friends that this is not negotiable. I do agree though, I wouldn't want my DH going on jollies with a load of cheating scumbags. Men don't put up much of a fight against casual sex handed on a plate in my experience, no matter how happy they are at home or whether they've got form for cheating or not.

I think people are the company they keep.

Its very easy for people to say they wouldn't want their husbands to hang around with people who cheat but I suspect the vast majority would not dump their own friends for cheating. If you trust him you should be fine with him going. Is he allowed to see them for nights out on his own. You don't have to be on a weekend away to cheat.

I don’t think you can stop him going based on his friends behaviour unless he has ever given you reason to think he would do the same, that is unreasonable and really controlling.

If a man or a woman wants to cheat they will… Not allowing them to go on a lads/lasses holiday will not stop them from doing it.
You either trust them or you don’t

I'd be more bothered that those are the kind of friends he keeps around... birds of a feather. Even if he's not a cheater (for now) he clearly thinks it's fine.