To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

[CoffySalon]

So, I was on the tube today and had a horrible experience with a guy harassing me. He was invading my personal space, touching me, putting his face and body close too close to mine, and saying things. It was really uncomfortable and no one else was doing anything.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy nearby - who I assume was with his girlfriend - quietly stepped in between us without saying a word. It was so subtle, but the harasser seemed to get the message and stopped, at least for a moment. His girlfriend even smiled at me, like she knew what was happening and wanted to reassure me.

At the next stop, which happened to be this couple’s stop, the guy didn’t rush off. He turned to me and asked quietly “are you okay?” I told him “Yes, thank you” and just before he left, both he and his girlfriend suggested I move to where they had been standing, even pointing out a seat. Unfortunately, someone sat in the seat before I could take it.

As soon as they left though, the guy started harassing me, and no one else did anything except for a few women who smiled in sympathy, but didn’t step in.

This man’s quiet intervention meant so much to me, and I just wanted to share my appreciation for him, but also to ask: has anyone else ever experienced a man stepping in to help like this? And what did you do when it happened?

Would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

In college a really drunk guy pushed me up against a wall in a night club and I kind of tried to slip through his arm to get away and a guy walking by said ‘mate, that’s not ok’ and the guy told him to eff off and walked off, other guy asked was I ok, asked were my friends there and walked over to them with me. Really appreciated it

Being hassled on the top deck of a bus, when I went to get off and the guy followed another man got onto the top of the stairs before him to block him and just calmly waited at the top until I was off. It was subtle but a definite deliberate move without making a scene, which was almost even nicer as he wasn't trying to look like a hero or get thanked.

Yes, I was on the top floor of a bus, at the front. A group of male teens got on and sat next to me and behind me.
One of them kept asking me questions about sex etc. He then got a condom out and asked if I knew what to do with it. I was terrified, and just froze.

An older gent a few rows back came over and said he could hear everything, and asked if I was ok. He told the teens to leave (which they did, but it could have been their stop anyway).

I was being hassled in a bar once by someone fairly persistent. This random bloke came up to me and put his arm round my shoulder and said "alright babe. Sorry I'm late." Relief. Wish he'd confronted more directly but actually I was v v appreciative@

Two men followed me to the tram stop. Another man came to talk to me so that I wouldn't be alone. That was being promoted as a way to support women at the time. It did help, but they followed me on the tram and onto the train station. They gave up eventually.

When I was about 17 I was getting a bus home from the city centre after working a late evening at my part-time job.

It was dark. My bus was late. I lived rurally and was a long journey home. Bus station empty except for a bloke. And he sat on the same bench as me (even though the others were empty). He started chatting then started getting rude
Did I want to fondle his nuts in his pockets. He started getting bit shouty when I moved and followed me and tried to grab my coat.

Then into the bus station where I was, jogged this young man and he jogged up to me and said "there you are.. come on, ". I didnt have a clue who he was but he felt way less scarey than the other bloke. So I walked off with "friendly person" he said he'd seen what was happening when he was on his bus that pulling into the bus station.

He walked me to the bus stop which would be the next stop for my bus and waited until I got on the bus.

I never got his name or number. But never forgotten his kindness.

Yep, a very handsy bloke in a bar in Covent Garden. Wouldn't take no as an answer. A wonderful bloke saw what was happening and came over with 2 drinks, grabbed my hand and just said "come on babe, the others have found a table" and escorted me to another area of the bar.

He checked I was OK and went back to his friends.

It was truly gallant and something I have never forgotten.

As a result, I always try and step in if I see a female looking uncomfortable with male approaches.

Twice. Once when I was harassed in the street and once when I was dealing with a handsy bloke in a bar.

Compared to the hundreds of times I'm been harassed by men when no one stepped in. And women have stepped in many more times than men.

Yes. When I was harassed on a train and he then moved onto another girl one man intervened and another went to get the guard.

Been harassed on tube several times and sadly no intervention. However am very grateful for the following; DS was 15 in uniform from non-local school in coop and a bunch of feral teen boys came in and were being really lairy and threatening.
A lovely guy stayed with DS in shop and then walked him home to us as he could see them following DS. Good to know men like this are out there.

When I was much younger in a club, a drunk guy kept trying to dance and my friends boyfriend moved himself between us until the idiot walked away.
On the whole though, it’s been women who step in. A guy once tried to drag me out of a nightclub (sounds ridiculous) and no man, not even the security staff, stepped in. Cue my heroic bunch of female friends getting rid of him!!

Yes, I was aged 15 working as a waitress. Drunk middle aged man had me cornered up against a wall. A waiter must of been about 18 or 19 saved me by intervening. I think of him quite often! I can't remember if I thanked him as I was quite shook up. I hope I did. I've always been grateful for him stepping in.

Several times, generally by pretending to be my boyfriend so the other guy would back off. One sticks in the mind. It was donkeys years ago in a dive of a club, a weird guy just wouldn’t leave me alone or take no for an answer and was following me around. My friends were all off dancing or talking with different men so I was a bit stuck. Another guy, a mate of someone my friend was seeing, stepped in and basically told the weirdo to leave me alone. I was so grateful.

Unfortunately the knight in shining armour tried to rape me in an alleyway at the end of the night so not quite the feel good story. It was like he felt entitled to it after being “the good guy”. I’ve never been so scared and still don’t know how I managed to get away from him. It took me a very long time to get over and I’ve never fully got rid of my fear of men I don’t know.

Another occasion I had been at a late work meeting in London, last train home to the Kent coast. There was a large group of blokes further along the carriage, they were loud and drunk.

I was the only female on the train. The ticket bloke asked if they were bothering me. They weren't, I had my iPod on and was reading. However, he decided that he wasn't comfy me being alone so asked me to move to thw first class carriage where there were a few more people and more staff so if there was any trouble I would have back up. He said he was sure I'd be OK, but he would never forgive himself if something happened. He also said he would want someone to have stepped in to ensure his daughter was safe in the same position.

I once got on a tram and a guy clearly off his head got on and sat beside me in an almost empty carriage. He kept talking at me and leaning in and just a low level menace. The only other guy on the team then moved and sat opposite us. Headphones in, said nothing looked nowhere. Anyway a few stops later druggie got off and headphones guy stood up, said I didn't like him sitting beside you so I came over. And he moved away. I wish I'd known he was doing that- but I understand that the way this guy was he could have gone off at any time so I get why it was safer not to confront him.

The only other time was when an ex was being horrific and Basically dragging me down a street and he stopped us and asked if I was ok. I'm so grateful because between the ex and my own insecurity that man was the only evidence I had that I wasn't overreacting or making it up in my head or misremembering. The ex was dragging me down the street, it happened and it was bad because someone took it upon themselves to intervene.

Yes.
I once took a cab home from a party as a young woman. I agreed to share the cab with another of the party guests to split costs. He’d seemed perfectly nice, a guest of my friends.
On the way home we both sat in the back seat and he kept making suggestive comments and unwanted physical advances.
The cab driver calmly stopped the car, jumped out , opened the back door , pulled him out and drove off. He explained to me afterwards that he had daughters and didn’t accept men treating women that way in his taxi.

I was harassed by a drunk race goer who got on my train when I was around 19, travelling home from uni - he trapped me in the window seat, squeezing my knee and being suggestive/letcherous.

there was a youngish dad travelling with his toddler who kept making eye contact with me in a “you ok/need help?” Kind of way. The races man was steaming and gross but I didn’t feel in serious danger, it felt better to know someone else was monitoring things. I also understood the nice guy probably didn’t want to get in an argy bargy with the guy while responsible for a small child. I was still grateful he was there

Yes in a nightclub. He pretended to be my bf and the man got all apologetic. I ended up marrying my rescuer!

Never 👎

However having been in that situation a few times having onlookers completely ignore me, if I notice it happening I make a point of going over and loudly asking for directions etc. Or back when I wasn't hopelessly single, I'd shove the Ex in the direction of trouble 😂

When I was a teenager my ex boyfriend followed me home from the pub so he could give me a bollocking for abandoning the girls I'd gone with and talking to another group of friends. I'd left because he was hanging about.
At one point he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against a fence. There was a screech of brakes and a bloke leapt out of his car shouting for ex to get his hands off me.
Ex was furious but bloke stood firm while I assured him that ex wouldn't hurt me. Looked ex right in the eye while I said it. Bloke seemed reassured and we parted ways.
And I did get home safely.
Next day I apologised to the girls and they understood that I was just trying to get away from ex.

Changingname1988

Im so sorry l, and there was me thinking’nice to hear none of them expected anything in return’. I’m so so sorry xxxx

Sort of....when I was 18/19 me and a friend had an argument on a night out, having had a bit to drink I stupidly decided to walk home alone and some seriously drunk man who had been peeing into some bushes started waving his penis at me and following me up the road. An older man who was crossing the road saw what was happening and told the younger man to have some decency and to sod off and offered to walk with me the rest of the way up the road......only when we got to the top of the road and I was going in the opposite direction he was heading in, he started offering me to come back to his place for a drink to make sure I wasn't still being followed (which I clearly wasn't) he suggested it a few times until I insisted I was just going straight home at which he didn't seem so nice anymore. I dread to think what could of happened if I had agreed to go back to his place 'just for a drink'.

I've stepped in to stop a boy being attacked by a gang of 17-20 year old boys/men. I'm a woman, though. Female friends have done similar.

My ex (male) as been assaulted three times when he stepped in to prevent men harrassing women and has ptsd as a result, so he no longer feels up to it, sadly.

I think the ads on the tube defining harassment and sexual assault and explaining safe alternatives to stepping in (e.g. numbers to report it to) are excellent. I've been reading going through them with DS 10 and explaining the context and discussing ethics and sexism and what we can do if we witness misogyny.