To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

[CoffySalon]

So, I was on the tube today and had a horrible experience with a guy harassing me. He was invading my personal space, touching me, putting his face and body close too close to mine, and saying things. It was really uncomfortable and no one else was doing anything.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy nearby - who I assume was with his girlfriend - quietly stepped in between us without saying a word. It was so subtle, but the harasser seemed to get the message and stopped, at least for a moment. His girlfriend even smiled at me, like she knew what was happening and wanted to reassure me.

At the next stop, which happened to be this couple’s stop, the guy didn’t rush off. He turned to me and asked quietly “are you okay?” I told him “Yes, thank you” and just before he left, both he and his girlfriend suggested I move to where they had been standing, even pointing out a seat. Unfortunately, someone sat in the seat before I could take it.

As soon as they left though, the guy started harassing me, and no one else did anything except for a few women who smiled in sympathy, but didn’t step in.

This man’s quiet intervention meant so much to me, and I just wanted to share my appreciation for him, but also to ask: has anyone else ever experienced a man stepping in to help like this? And what did you do when it happened?

Would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

A lot of the time when I see men intervening, this is what comes to mind

indeed. This whole thread is story after story of men ‘claiming a woman as his’ to get another man to back off. It’s revolting

True. Men respect other men’s women if they are out together as a pair. You do not get harassed if you are with a guy. Ugg thinks other uggs property, no touchy.

Nobody ever intervened for me, maybe they did not see it. Nobody has intervened for my daughter either.

I intervened recently with a glare and a ‘leave them alone’ and my arms crossed and stood up close, if that counts. Despicable guy was trying to chat to a group of 9-10 year old girls at the train platform. Nothing rude but it was just weird and the girls were creeped out and shooting each other looks. He saw me and walked to another part of the platform. One little girl gave me a grin of relief.

It is difficult because of the freeze and fear but also, if we say anything we are accusing them of being potential rapists. What if we are wrong. I figure a decent bloke would be fine and understand but an abusive one..

"I hate Andrew Tate and all he stands for. I just thought you had made the wrong assumption when reading that original post.

No need to be snarky. It was in good faith in case you had read it wrong."

@GelatoPistacchio I hadn't made the wrong assumption and I can be as sarky as I like, thanks.

I don’t think it’s “revolting” of the men was trying to help but I know what you mean. Men backing off because the woman is “claimed”, or apologising to the “boyfriend” but not the woman.
It's 2 sides of the same coin really.

It is depressing, and it shows that men are very aware of the underlying dynamic, i.e that women are considered the property of men.
The abuser thought this woman was an unclaimed one that he could do as he wished with. The 'heroic' man is able to convince the abuser that he is the one who has rights to this particular woman and so the abuser backs off. As demonstrated by a previous post the hero may then start to feel that he now does own this woman or that she owes him something and he attempts to rape her.

Women have always had to tip toe around arsehole men but now other men do as well? Great.

You are a lovely person. Enjoy that karma heading your way...

Yes, lots of times. Another 'top deck of a bus' incident (it seems there are a lot here) when I was 19/20 a man sat next to me in broad daylight on an empty bus and was aggressively making a move, rubbing my leg, whispering in my ear. I told him I wasn't interested and had a boyfriend, to which he asked whether my boyfriend used his mouth 'here' and proceeded to move his hand further up my leg. A man a few rows down then got up, rang the bus bell and hauled the guy up and walked him off the bus at the next stop. He then sat with me a few stops to make sure I was ok as I was a bit shaken and teary and then got off the bus with me and hailed a cab to take me the rest of the way home. He even gave me £20 to pay for the taxi.
Every time I met a creep after that I used that experience to remind me that there are good men out there.

"Women have always had to tip toe around arsehole men but now other men do as well? Great."

Men have always had to do this. The risks / type of harm is different but it is naive of you to think that only women have to risk assess the men around them.

Statistically as I said men are more likely to be attacked and even killed by other men than women are. The specific danger involved obviously differs though....

My neighbour when he was a young man, intervened when he saw a young woman being harassed by a group of men. He had the crap beaten out of him by all of them. Men are more likely to be beaten up or killed by other men.

Once they get out of control and everyone is afraid to tackle them bad men are a threat and a problem for everyone.

You think they should provoke a fight?

You really think that's more sensible?

Exactly this
"Oh there you are love. Come on, dad's waiting with the kettle on" as he approaches her might well distract them enough to get both of you out safe

"Hey, back off, leave her alone!" Can provoke them so the 'hero' is in danger too. And then they may end up being beaten up/hurt and the intended victim might still end up getting hurt too

"You are a lovely person. Enjoy that karma heading your way..."

@GelatoPistacchio what a strange response. Have you put a curse on me or something?

Many years ago a friend who was staying with me in East London and I got a cab home after clubbing. Guy started taking us across the Thames. My friend realising we were going wrong way started to cry. I whipped off my white stiletto and told him to to turn effing cab around or I'd stick it in his neck. He did so and I got him to drop us a street away in Stepney so he didn't know where I lived.Not the same but not got a knight in shining armour so had to think on my feet. Not worn white stilettos in a long time. Too old at 62 . would fall off them 🤔 😂

Whats to be done about these men if no-one can challenge them? 🤷‍♀️

You think another guy challenging them is going to make a difference to their behaviour in the future? I don't. And I absolutely would not want anyone who stepped in on my behalf, to get hurt. And from a selfish point of view, I wouldn't want the creep to get wound up and potentially more dangerous to me as well.

Guess we’re stuck with it then.

Once the behaviour escalates beyond a certain point it becomes very difficult, any punishment will only make them more determined to punish anyone who dares to challenge them.
Eventually they will (I assume) take on someone who beats them or the victims will get together in order to deliver some form of justice.
I remember a local man who was widely feared & eventually taken out in a drive by shooting, he had made so many enemies that it was inevitable I think. Mind you he was as thick as mince, fighting isnt an intelligent strategy for getting on in life!

Not advocating it but …

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq2IK4Ta6Q4&pp=ygUcTWljaGFlbCBjYWluZSBlbGJvd2luZyB0aHVncw%3D%3D

Getting into a fight, putting yourself in danger and potentially only leading to another aggressive man in jail with other aggressive men isn't the solution

We report it.

We talk about it with others.

We get politically involved.

We teach our sons about it and guide them as to how to behave and we teach girls self defence and to know their rights.

We certainly don’t give up.

Genuine question. This exact story was posted on Reddit yesterday. I don’t often use Reddit so it was just a cooincidence that I saw this story pop up. What does it mean? Does it mean this is a fake story planted by either a troll or someone for a magazine article? Is it likely a mumnset user would also post the same story on Reddit?