To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

[CoffySalon]

So, I was on the tube today and had a horrible experience with a guy harassing me. He was invading my personal space, touching me, putting his face and body close too close to mine, and saying things. It was really uncomfortable and no one else was doing anything.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy nearby - who I assume was with his girlfriend - quietly stepped in between us without saying a word. It was so subtle, but the harasser seemed to get the message and stopped, at least for a moment. His girlfriend even smiled at me, like she knew what was happening and wanted to reassure me.

At the next stop, which happened to be this couple’s stop, the guy didn’t rush off. He turned to me and asked quietly “are you okay?” I told him “Yes, thank you” and just before he left, both he and his girlfriend suggested I move to where they had been standing, even pointing out a seat. Unfortunately, someone sat in the seat before I could take it.

As soon as they left though, the guy started harassing me, and no one else did anything except for a few women who smiled in sympathy, but didn’t step in.

This man’s quiet intervention meant so much to me, and I just wanted to share my appreciation for him, but also to ask: has anyone else ever experienced a man stepping in to help like this? And what did you do when it happened?

Would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

I was being harassed by my ex husband (who'd had a 7 yr affair) in the street. I was driving and he was chasing me in his car as he found out I was going on a date. He trapped me, wrenched my car door open and started shouting abuse at me and crying.

A man passing by in his car slowed down, and called to me if I wanted him to call the police. I said no but he did anyway. This man ended up being my neighbour!

I've had lovely guys look out for me and, at times, walk me to my car so I was safe from creeps who were harrassing me. Not all guys are awful, but not all nice guys intervene either.

I've been abused by some rando stranger who tried to grab me and hug me at lunch in a city park. Why would I want a rando touching me?

"That's what the poster meant - Andrew Tate would say this thread shows masculinity has it's uses and would be used as evidence that 'men should be men' or whatever crap they say.

The poster isn't agreeing with him."

@GelatoPistacchio it would be really nice if one of the earliest comments on a thread where women are discussing painful and difficult memories of harassment and abuse didn't derail by mentioning the likes of Andrew Tate. Enough already.

Yes, something like this sort of happened to me.

It was about ten years ago when I was 26 and temping at a fancy but very secretive equity house (I was in between “proper” jobs at the time).

I was commuting from Brighton to London at the time and I started work at 7.00 am on the dot (I was a front of house receptionist / secretary and the ppl employing me were super strict).

I was walking from Bond Street tube station to Portman Square where the office was at about 06.45 am. I noticed an older guy coming towards me looking a bit disturbed and being totally belligerent and I was really hoping he wouldn’t notice me. Sadly he did. He towered over me and shouted in my face. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me.

Then, coming from the same direction another man, mid 30s ish, was walking and talking on his mobile phone happy as anything. I think he’d just clocked off his shift as he was wearing one of those bright orange high-vis jackets that tube workers (the engineering people I mean) wear. Any way, he realised straight away what was going on and cool as you like said to whoever was on the other end of the line “I’ll call you back”. He turned to the belligerent man and said assertively but calmly “leave her alone“ and the man backed off and walked away. The high vis man then walked me part of the way to my office. I was a bit embarrassed by the whole event and just nervously giggled „thank you, he was a bit of a troubled soul wasn’t he?“.

To this day I still feel a lot of affection for any person wearing one of those orange high vis jackets. Crazy I know.

A man in a rock music club put his arm/hand down the inside of my t shirt (at the front).

I punched him to the floor but knew if he got up I couldn't actually have fought him.

He scrambled to his feet and 3 or 4 blokes just said "no, mate" and pushed him back on the floor!

Fortunately I've never experienced much harrassment and nothing serious. But DH has stepped in when he saw a couple arguing and was worried the man was being aggressive. The woman brushed it off but his intervening seemed to have taken the edge off whatever was going on. My brother intervened when he saw a man attacking a woman and had to appear as a witness in court.

Yes, I actually thought to myself during the harassment “say loudly: can you stop touching me” to draw attention to it, but I found I couldn’t speak. I usually consider myself outspoken, but I ended up moving around the carriage to avoid him. I also thought about getting off with the couple but didn’t, and I regret not doing that.

I’ve gone from feeling really appreciative of the guy’s action to being quite upset about the whole experience to be honest.

Yeah, this really isn't a thread for giggly menz shite. Even if the MRA's on here would like us all to stop talking about their appalling behaviour.

Rape, sexual assault, harassment, violence, intimidating - oh excuse me while I hold my sides it's so funny. NOT. Honestly I despair.

I wasn’t the one being harassed, but was on a long haul flight where a terrible angry old man started shouting at the flight attendant for moving his bag. I couldn’t believe how he was talking to this young lady and immediately sided with her, saying she didn’t touch his belongings fgs! Then a young man stood up and firmly spoke to this idiotic man and told him to cut it out. 👏

Yeah a lovely man in a club helped me, I was dancing with my friends and a guy wouldn’t leave me alone was touching, grabbing at me constantly so this other man saw at was happening pulled me away kissed me on the head and said come on babe let’s go get a drink now sorry I’m late I’m literally so grateful to him the other guy was so handsy and scary and just wouldn’t take no for an answer

Yes on a train when a guy sat next to me on an empty carriage and was just waaaay too 'friendly' .

A group of rugby fans got on at the next stop, noticed and cajoled the guy into going to the buffet cart with them for a pint whilst 2 of them stayed with me and sat so he couldn't sit next to me again.

Don't include that woman hater in one of these nice guy threads please.

Don't include that woman hater in one of these nice guy threads please

nice guy thread? This has been a succession of stories of harassment, assault and attempted rape. In three instances by the ‘white knight’ himself.

Yes,
Sitting at a table with about 4 or 5 friends of mix sex. Drunk older man started making racist comments and then sat between me and friend. Everyone on the table froze whilst this guy kept asking "no, where are you actually from"

Then a guy that I knew of who was sitting at the bar shouted over at him to go home and leave the kids alone. Drunk ignored him and got worse so a few friends made excuses to leave the table leaving me and another almost cornered.

The knight then came over and sat in one of the spare seats that had now become available. He sat opposite the drunk and kept laughing at him then turned to me and my friend saying how the drunk is usually quite shy... quite bold and sarcastic comments which I would have thought would have antagonised the drunk but no, it worked.

Thanked knight and gave up on others that had left the table!

Please don't blame yourself!
A lot of people freeze when they are in stressfull situations. Including men in their 50s ;) it is normal response.

And for everyone else: it is enough if woman gets close to abused person in public space and says something alog the lines: "Oh Ann it is so amazing to see you again! Didn't realize you travel this way, let's grab a coffee!"

Abusers target lone victims and count on other people not caring. They do not engage in public drama where they can be shamed.

For the record, it was winter at 8pm when I first pulled it on London overground and I was early 20s skinny girl.

I’ve never had anyone step in but I have approached an older woman (I was teens at the time) to ask to walk with her as someone was harassing/ following me. I’ve done this more than once through my life.

DH once stepped in when a couple were arguing and the lad slapped the girl. DH pinned the lad on the floor and was totally nonplussed when the girl then started screaming and hitting him.

I've also seen DH intervene a few times when fights are unequal e.g. one bloke being attacked by 2/3 other men. It's not that he's particularly gallant but he's a physically big bloke and did years of Lau Gar Kung Fu, so he knew he could handle himself.

He once admitted that he'd never once felt physically scared or intimidated his entire adult life and I thought how incredible that must feel.

I've never had a problem, but I'm pleased to say that my husband has stepped in to help a strange woman on two occasions that I can remember.

I find men suddenly don't notice anything going on when I've got hassle.

Sadly, no. I do however remember the time a man groped me then punched me full in the face when I told him to get the fuck off me, witnessed by a group of three men who held back until the man had gone, then came over to “check I was OK” by inviting me back to their room …

In your opinion. Not mine.

Yes, once when a guy i'd never met got off the same bus stop as me (a stop early for him) as he was concerned a drunk guy who was chatting to me on the bus might be bothering me and try to follow me and then once when an older male motorist was being really agressive towards me and a random guy on a bike stopped and told the motorist to leave me alone (which he did). It's probably happened more, but those are the times that most stick out

It's a recommended strategy. In many cases the victim isn't helped if the 'rescuer' causes more aggression (even if it's now directed away from the woman). And the person stepping in deserves to be kept safe too. They have no idea how that abuser might react. They don't know him from Adam.

So whether the rescuer is male or female, it's recommended that they act as if they know the victim, and break into the situation calmly and with confidence. That way they give the victim a comfortable way out, as well as interrupting the man's actions.

Yes. It was also on the tube. Ended up with a physical fight and the man in court.
I wasn't in the fight but it started because he was harassing me.