To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

[CoffySalon]

So, I was on the tube today and had a horrible experience with a guy harassing me. He was invading my personal space, touching me, putting his face and body close too close to mine, and saying things. It was really uncomfortable and no one else was doing anything.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy nearby - who I assume was with his girlfriend - quietly stepped in between us without saying a word. It was so subtle, but the harasser seemed to get the message and stopped, at least for a moment. His girlfriend even smiled at me, like she knew what was happening and wanted to reassure me.

At the next stop, which happened to be this couple’s stop, the guy didn’t rush off. He turned to me and asked quietly “are you okay?” I told him “Yes, thank you” and just before he left, both he and his girlfriend suggested I move to where they had been standing, even pointing out a seat. Unfortunately, someone sat in the seat before I could take it.

As soon as they left though, the guy started harassing me, and no one else did anything except for a few women who smiled in sympathy, but didn’t step in.

This man’s quiet intervention meant so much to me, and I just wanted to share my appreciation for him, but also to ask: has anyone else ever experienced a man stepping in to help like this? And what did you do when it happened?

Would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

It was a joke.

Killjoy alert: it’s great that women on this thread have been helped away from unsafe situations, but it’s so bloody depressing that most of the make saviours thought the best thing to do was pretend they were ‘his woman’ instead of telling the men to fuck off.

When I was 15 I was attacked and publicly sexually assaulted in the street by a group of lads probably a fair bit older than me. There was one lad who walked by, noticed what was happening and stuck up for me (he was alone, and there were over a dozen of them, so must have been fucking scary for him too, god knows if they were carrying knives or what) and tried to help me get them off and show me where to run away to, but I was too scared to move, petrified in every sense of the word and just kept trying to curl up to protect myself. He scooped me up and carried me to safety and called the police for me because I was too weak to get myself up. I've never forgotten him.

No man has ever stepped in. Now as a mid 40’s woman I’ve stepped in lots of times. often quietly with grim men harassing young girls and women. I’m over this be nice shit, the men back
away when they realise a woman is watching them. It’s shameful, many men are shameless.

This is basically how my mum and dad met, married for coming up to 40 years 🥰

My daughter (who's just started uni) was being fairly heavily hit on by a pushy guy in the union bar, and his mate told him to back off and leave her alone. A small thing but she appreciated it.

Yes, a dad with his son of about 12 once intervened when a guy hassled me on a train.

One time on a different train a lady barged over and yelled at a bloke she saw touch my leg. She was brilliant, proper boxed his ears. I was only about 18, i guess she was maybe in her 40s

No, but then I'm very fat and ugly, so I don't know if that's connected some way. I have had women step in to help me though.

A man once stepped in to rescue my son from me.

I had caught him walking down the street smoking, when he was 14. I was very upset, told him off, and took his cigarettes out of his pocket (he started saying he was 'holding them for a friend'). A guy stepped in and asked my son if he was being harassed and felt unsafe. My son was 6'2" and rugby player, and was looking sheepish. It was ridiculous.

This is why I would endure a thousand rail strikes for the sake of keeping guards on trains.

Mum? 😂

In the day and age of filming, even covertly ,I wonder if the OPs situation with that man was filmed? If so British Transport police would probably like a word with him?

Is it worth the OP informing the rail operator?

Last mam that tried to sexually harass me got his teeth knocked out by a lovely lever arch file with a metal edge.

When I was around 17 a male friend intervened and stopped a mutual acquaintance from raping me. We were at a house party and he walked past the living room where this guy had me pinned to the floor and was taking my clothes off while I drunkenly tried to push him off me and telling him to get the fuck off me. My friend stopped, took in the scene and said very casually "Aw come on man, leave her alone won't you?".

I felt weird about it for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very fucking glad he did intervene. But there was something insane about the situation at the same time - he said it so casually, like what this man was going to me was just a bit out of order, instead of a literal crime and surely a horrifying thing to know that someone is capable of. It means so much when men intervene, and it costs them so little, but I also think that many of them really don't understand the gravity of their intervention.

Not once.

Kind of but actually one technique that has been promoted is pretending you know the woman- so go up and say “hey, sorry to interrupt- how are you- haven’t seen you for ages. How’s your mum? ” because it is low confrontation and means the situation is likely to diffuse rather than escalate. It would be great to tell the douche to fuck off but it might also get you head butted. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you’re not a bit scared.

The railway companies do make lots of money- they can afford to pay drivers good wages!
The train guards get way less money than the drivers. Thats why we absolutely should have a guard or inspector on trains..

It’s standard in places like France. Yet in the UK it’s all about saving money rather than paying for a guard- which wouldn’t be that expensive.

Surrey safety should be a priority? Cctv isn’t the same a person on board.

Once. I was about 14 or 15 and working in my local chemist. A bloke, middle aged was asking me what I was studying at school, asked if I knew Romeo and Juliet and then all this stuff about what Juliet knew at my age. I wasn't behind the counter, I must have been shelving stuff and he started trying to touch me and as I tried to get away from him he was basically chasing me around the shop. My - male - boss head in the pharmacy but thankfully a regular customer came in and got the creepy man to leave.

I've been in situations where no one helped. Once being trapped in a photo booth with a couple of friends by drunk men who were reaching out to touch us up. I got so angry that no one was helping - I was shouting out "Help!" that the rage gave me the strength to push past them, pulling my friends with me and then shouted at the bastards which seemed to work.

I was punched in the face by a bloke who'd been harrassing me on the way home from school for quite some time. Nobody did anything in the street but I know my mum's boyfriend went looking for him and I have no idea what happened. I hope not some horrible violence but he never came near me again - punching man - so something happened.

Mostly women step in and if I see things happening to other women I will step in. I once got barred from the uni bar for helping out a younger woman who was so drunk she could hardly stay upright who had a group of blokes around her being incredibly creepy. Unfortunately they were friends with the rugger buggers who were doormen. When I got to put my side of the story I was allowed back in the bar and the doormen were sacked.

I’m in my 50s and had it happen a couple of times, once when I was much younger and once a couple of years ago. It was nice of them. Pretty sparse given I’ve been harassed a thousand or more times, though.

I’ve had far more women step in. Normally just by directly asking if I’m okay or want to join them rather than putting themselves in the line of fire.

Once, in thirty years of harassment. A group of early-twenties males had surrounded me, honking and braying, on my late walk home. Most of them left when the traffic lights changed, except one who kept trying to grab at me. He was aggressive and entitled and frankly very scary. One of the party came back to take his prick friend away and genuinely apologised for him.
Males have harassed me since I was 11 years old in primary school uniform right up to yesterday at the supermarket.
One man helped, in all those years. One.

It wasn't funny though.

This doesn't fit either but your post reminded me of a story my mum told me recently. When she was 16 she had an older boyfriend who was bad news, very controlling. She finally asked him round to tell him she wanted to break up with him. She'd never told my grandparents anything about the situation (how he treated her, etc), but my granddad evidently knew something was afoot because he stood silently on the landing outside her door, pretending to change a lightbulb for about half an hour till the guy finally stormed off 😄

No worries I thought it was.

I did too 😬🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a similar thought but then realised that it’s the best way to minimise the chance of them getting into a risky situation. Direct confrontation could lead to physical aggression whereas pretending to be the boyfriend is more subtle.