Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

Your son is running a business, not starting a relationship with her.

Don’t go to the event, wish him well, then don’t talk to the woman ever again.

He was probably worried it would affect his professional reputation if he cancelled at short notice without good reason, I'm guessing he is a DJ or similar?

She also invited my sisters plus their children, yet didn't invite my other 2 sons, only the one she booked to entertain. We have known her and her family for over 25 yrs btw

Would him not going have resulted in him not being paid/getting a bad reputation?

Your son is a professional attending in a professional capacity, it would be incredibly poor of him to cancel two days before due to some personal issue between you and her.

I wouldn't expect my son to give up business, or, even worse, cancel a booking fairly last minute because I fell out with someone a few years back, no.

He gets plenty of business. I thought as she's a long standing family friend he might have considered the impact on me in this particular situation

can you appreciate my feeling of betrayal?

Without knowing the backstory, on the face of it your son acted correctly.

Agree with PPs. I wouldn’t expect my son to give up on business/money in these circumstances.

You say she booked him to entertain at the party.
Presumably it was his work - entertaining the group and he was being paid, in those circumstances I wouldn't feel betrayed by him

Your son has behaved like an adult he's committed to his responsibilities.

No you shouldn't be annoyed or betrayed by him

From the information you’ve given, no.

I thought it was manipulative of this lady to book MY son esp b/c of the situation between us

I'm sorry but i think you need to check yourself.

You are essentially asking your son to choose a side. He shouldn't have to, your altercation is not his problem.

she said some very insulting things about my younger sister, thats what led to the altercation and my son knew of these comments too

Yes, I can see you feel betrayed, but he is an independent adult running a business. It's illogical to expect him to cancel with two days notice just out of spite.

OP, I do see where you’re coming from but it’s not like he’s moved in with her, fathered children then agreed with her request to keep them from you. Perspective is needed. Hope you’re okay, though. Don’t let it sour things between you and your son.

I was hurt that he accepted

No because from the thread it looks like it was fine until 2 days before when she said things about the altercation that is far too late to cancel and risks a huge backlash given that she rightly could have given him a bad review for cancelling so close

given what you have said it may even have been what she wanted him to cancel or indeed she has a win win. Either he entertains and upsets you or he cancels and she can review him and damage his reputation

But if he cancelled last minute he’d be out of pocket I assume?

Then don’t take the bait. Don’t let it cause you to think badly of your son.

Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and not react

Hecatoncheires

Thank u for empathy

Createausername1970

I agree but im hurting very much so