Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

Your son told you he had taken the booking. That was respectful.
obviously she isnt cpable of same if invite included snide-so - you reply no thankyou.
your son is aware of the seemingly continued conflict, he has accepted the booking tho and should fulfil this on a "proffessional"level.
you should respect that-hes going ,to work.
thats all.
YOU are make it all about you. leave him to deal with it his way-her cards marked.
if you let it go- totally (like an adult)her little spitefest is NOT working.

lovemyboyz247

Thank you.i have 3 sons, and they are lovely ...all 3. We have talked, he was understanding, we didn't argue. He said he wants to take some time to think about it more. I know he didn't want me to be upset, he cares about ppl very much so

What did ex friend do that was so terrible?

tolerable

Very wise words, thank you. Like an adult...yes

Did you offer to pay the fee he was about to lose for cancelling?

Are your sisters and their families going/went (not sure if has already happened.) I'd be more hurt if they went as guests, he's there doing his job so not ideal but he doesn't want to get a reputation for being unreliable.

Iwasafool

Yes my sisters and their families were all invited

Howdyboob

She ran my younger sister under the bus...bigtime

Has she been invited? If so, is she going?

yes she went, she did care that she was talked about in that way,,,which Was most shocking to me

didn't care

Your son was being a grown up and professional. Even if he hadn't been out of pocket he would have still lost out on that payment and his future reputation. Were you going to cover the payment if he had cancelled? (I assume he lives elsewhere and has to pay rent/mortgage).

You need to let this go, and you need to let your son run his business.

That's lovely to hear. I'm glad you have been able to talk about it as that will help you rather than bottling it up.

For him to take it on board too and not try to defend it, might mean he sees it from your point of view and next time round he might do things differently.

I'm sure you are glad you don't have any direct dealings with her anymore. She sounds like someone who likes to cause trouble

if one of my sons had an altercation with someone , and they have had, there's no way I would do any work for them while its still frosty between the 2 of them

Meh.

If she booked him to get a rise out of you, she’s got it.

Just change your mindset.

So if it bothers you think of it like this:

She paid your son to get a reaction out of you. She then invited you, you didn’t go.

So she didn’t get anything from it, and your son took some money off her. Sounds like a result that way

The way I see it, a fall out is between the two adults involved. I don’t see why it has to drag the whole family into it.

Even if your son had caused that altercation?

GoldThumb

lol! I love that! I'm smiling...that feels gd. What a great perspective! Thank u

Not really. She invited you and your dh after all I think you're carrying on the pettiness. Fall outs between the parents shouldn't affect the children.

You appear to disagree with everyone, that doesn’t make you right

I would be hurt, but I would have been hurt by him accepting when she originally asked. Once he had agreed to the job, then I would accept that he was going through with it even after seeing her comments.

In the nicest way, is there any chance you overreacted to the original incident with the friend? If the sister involved, and by the sounds of it, the rest of your family have all moved on, maybe you have made more of this than needed to be?

I absolutely dont disagree with everyone. Read again

But what did she actually do to your sister? It's very unclear, and whatever it is it sounds like your sister is not bothered by it.

vapourtrail

No I dont think I overreacted. What she accused my sister of doing....I think she did it