Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

Yabu to have shown your DS the messages, clearly with a view to making him feel like he couldn’t take the job.

Thats manipulative and emotional blackmail tbh.

Your DS shouldn’t have to get involved in your battles.

People bleating on about ‘loyalty’ is a bit 🙄 in general

What impact is there on you of him doing this job?

Surely you don't want him to turn down business because you had a tiff with someone.

Icanttakethisanymore

no he wouldn't be out of pocket at all it was 1 booking

And it was manipulative of you to show him the messages.

You're being ridiculous tbh. Your son is acting perfectly reasonably. He told you when she booked him. He agreed when you showed him messages that they were "mean". Why you showed him the messages I do not know, seems like maybe both you and your ex friend are manipulative in how you deal with people.

Like a normal adult your son then went and did a professional job. No betrayal or manipulative behaviour from him.

But have you considered the impact on his business if he had cancelled at short notice and your ex friend let everyone know what he had done - I suspect his plenty of business would be hit and his reputation damaged.

I know it’s hard but you need to separate professional and personal. Your DS acknowledged the messages were hurtful , but he was fulfilling a professional obligation , not attending as a guest and partying with her and her family.

No, I can’t. Your son is a working professional. He’s not obliged to take your feuds into account when he takes a booking.

SophiaJ8

He's old enough, I asked him first if he wanted to see them. He replied , 'yes, send them to me pls'

You need to let this go!

Please stop letting the past poison the present. Don't give this woman any headspace.

Stop making a drama out of this.
Your son may have been under contract.
If not, as others have said - he has a professional reputation.

You right it that he accepted the booking and told you after… if he really does have plenty of work, then I think it would have been loyal of him to speak to you before accepting.

But once he agreed to the work, that was it. You’re being silly asking strangers a week later to judge your son based on very little info. I hope I wouldn’t do that to my kids!

Of course he’d be out of pocket. No service = no fee.

Yabu you shouldn't have mentioned or sent those messages.

I can tell, and I do understand. My son has just reconnected with his birth mother and I am really struggling with it.

But your son (and mine) has to make his own way in life and make his own decisions.

Your son really didn't do anything wrong here.

Forget about this woman, she has already taken up far too much of your head space. Your son/his business simply used her to make money.

What, an unpaid booking? 🤨

You mean, your manipulation didn't work...

Sorry no.
Your son was hired as a professional.
No idea what your quarrel with said friend was about.

Your attitude to your son's professionalism says a lot

Not really. Your son is running a business which has nothing to do with yours or his personal feelings.

I'm definitely not manipulating him , I am sure of this. I am hurt, very hurt.

YABU

Your son in running a business. He can’t discriminate against paying clients just because mummy fell out with the mean lady.

Createausername1970

Yes they do. I love him the same , but ii dont respect his behaviour here

You shouldn’t be involving your son in your fall outs with friends.
Of course he’d be out of pocket, unless he was planning to perform for free?

I think it’s potentially manipulative of the woman, I think it would reflect poorly on your son to drop out.
While I might feel a little hurt, I wouldn’t tell anyone that because I know it’s petty.
It is a crappy situation OP, after this he can wipe his hands of her.

There's several threads recently which have different usernames but to read, from how they come across and write, you'd think they were the same person.....

Of course you are. You told him about the ‘mean messages’, and asked if he wanted to see them. You tried to guilt him into not showing up to a contracted work commitment because you have some years-old drama with his client.