Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

SecondFavouriteDinosaur

I disagree

With which part?

Yes. She was being manipulative. She was being a cow.

But your son didn't know that when he accepted the booking.

He attended in a professional capacity.

Now you can all leave her very much in the past.

Just because you have a row with someone, doesn't mean everyone else has to fall out with them too.

I’m not sure if this is sarcastic as it’s hard to judge tone from the written word? I genuinely do see where you’re coming from. You feel that your son has chosen this ‘friend’ over you. I don’t necessarily agree with those saying you’re trying to cause or drama or manipulate your son. But I would gently and kindly reiterate not to let the situation put a wedge between you and your son, or give him any ultimatum to call off his gig. It’ll be done and dusted soon enough. Maybe your son can take you out with the profits! Sending you kind thoughts.

Fethard

You know he can think for himself. I def think they were mean. He may/may not. He wanted to see them

Hecatoncheires

Was completely genuine. Thank u again

You haven't been betrayed though? That's such a dramatic phrase for what you're describing actually happened.

Are you giving the same energy to your sisters and their children who were invited?

It was business. You were being unreasonable to show him the messages and put him in an awkward situation. You tried to manipulate him to cancel and he didn’t. Move on now.

So if you son cancelled, would you be willing to pay him what he would have earned if he had performed this gig?

What would you have done if she then started a backlash on social media about him pulling out at the last minute ‘cos his mams feelingz are hurt’?

Hecatoncheires

You sound like a lovely person

It’s kinda hilarious that you asked if you were being unreasonable and have completely ignored the 90% of people who said yes.

She was wrong to book your son.

He wasn't wrong to go.

Money is money at the moment with COL and you should rise above it.

Calling your son disloyal for providing a professional service is a bit immature to be honest.

JustTalkToThem

Fair point in one sense. Thank you for comments all. But I gotta say....the judgemental ness from some on here ..baffling and most unnecessary

Then obviously he’d be out of pocket? Unless you planned to pay him for the lost fee of course, but it doesn’t read like you would.

Your son did the right thing by not cancelling last minute, he’s a professional. Personally I’d find the whole booking very weird, but you’re being equally bizarre to tell people your son betrayed you. It’s not like you could mitigate the damage to his reputation if he randomly cancelled and, despite what you think, he would have been out of pocket.

AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish

You've prob hit it on the nail

Oh GROW UP.

This is really not a big deal, how do you get through life if this has hurt you so much?

Such a massive overreaction. If this is typical of how you react to things, no wonder you have fallouts with people.

@lovenotwar149 Aww, we can all be a bit doolally and irrational when it comes to our kids. I picked my teen DD up from school yesterday and she barely said half a dozen words to me. My instinctive reaction was to take it personally and be huffy and equally non-talkative as I thought she was being rude, but the truth of it is that she was just tired. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

MillyMollyMandHey

How horrible is that comment

Hecatoncheires

Thanks again for your understanding and kind way of putting them too, much appreciated

Family is family. If someone bad mouthed my sister (or whoever) I would expect us as a collective to stick together. I would be hacked off at my son for providing a service to an ex friend who had caused hurt and who hadn’t apologised. I do get that business is business too but Your ex friend sounds like a mean person and possibly a bit manipulative by booking your son. She knew what she was doing!

I think you need to separate the two issues. What this woman said to your son and your son going to the event. I would be absolutely raging at the first thing, she sounds awful and it was a strange possibly manipulative thing to do in booking DS. I don't think YABU to be angry towards your DS. He is staying out of the dispute and honouring a professional commitment. It's a matter of directing your anger to the right place. Or better still rise above it and let it go...then tell the rest of us how!

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong

God bless. I really needed that ...to hear that. Kindness, understanding and some good common sense. Thank you!

Is that you Peggy?

I understand your feelings are hurt OP and I think I would feel the same.

Maybe he was worried about bad reviews about being let down at the last minute (if he cancelled after reading the messages) or maybe he just didn't realise how upset you would be.

Have you mentioned it to him? Or are you trying to put on a brave face? Are you able to have a calm conversation about it or do you think it would turn into an argument? If it can stay calm then it might help you to get it out in the open.

I have boys and I do think that sometimes they just don't think about feelings as strongly as I do. Mine have feelings, but different things bother them than me and generally they come across like nothing much bothers them apart from who gets to game first. I am very close to them and I think if you are close to your son then it might be worth having the conversation so he knows for next time.

From what you said, she doesn't sound like a nice person at all.

Cantdoitalll

Oh she knew alright