Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

if one of my sons had an altercation with someone , and they have had, there's no way I would do any work for them while its still frosty between the 2 of them

You have the benefit of age and experience. Our children are behind us on that.
They're still learning. Maybe he'd do it differently now. Not accept the booking in the first place. We all have to live and learn.

FluffyBook

thats an excellent point. Thank you

can you appreciate my feeling of betrayal?
Maybe if you were Tony Soprano

Half a story.

Your like the bloody riddler

notprincehamlet

Is that sarcasm necessary?

@lovenotwar149

Did your sisters go?

I can understand why you're hurt he agreed to do it. If he had plenty of work and could easily have booked someone else in for that slot.

but I think you are being unreasonable expecting him to cancel so close to the gig.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags

I dont want to repeat it. Its very disparaging

YeahComeOnThen
I did not expect him to cancel Im pretty sure my original post didn't say that. I am hurt he accepted

Your son has behaved like a mature adult and you should be proud of him for being a professional and not getting dragged into your petty drama.

Was she wrong and mean booking him in the first place … probably

Was he wrong to accept in the first place …. Probably he could have said sorry Mrs Meanie I’m already booked have a great night

But he accepted the booking and attended the booking as a professional. If he had cancelled last minute by the sound of your friend she could have written nasty negative reviews about him cancelling last minute and that would have very badly hurt his business so he went. I think him going was actually the safest long term option for his career

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas

You're prob right. He is a real professional btw

Do you not think you were manipulative by asking your son if he wants to read the messages. Were you hoping he would turn down the job?

This all sounds rather dramatic. I’ve never had an altercation in my life, you seem to view them as somewhat regular occurrences.

your ex friend is clearly manipulative, booking your DS was designed to get a reaction from you. And it worked. if you’d wanted him to decline the job you should have spoken to him at the time, not two days before and even then you cannot expect him to put himself in the middle.

Also why is your sisters role in this such an aside? I’d feel more betrayed she attended as a guest. I assume there’s a massive backstory here?!

Coconutter24

No I dont. If I had forwarded them without permission...yes.

Yes there's a massive back story

Nope, not really

So the sister she threw under the bus has forgiven her, but you still hold a grudge?

Hadjab

nicely put. Thats fine. Thank you for not belittling

She had to pay him to be there. Forget about it.

slashlover

Just b/c my sister went doesn't mean she has forgiven her. She quite likely cant stand up for herself. I can. I dont hold a grudge. Her behaviour crossed a line big time ...imo

But the person she was talking about doesn’t think so?

SophiaJ8

I dont know what she thinks tbh

She sounds very tricky and manipulative OP.

I wouldn’t feel a sense betrayal no, but I would feel concern for my son. I would rather he hadn’t have taken the job in the first place becasue she may be using him to get at you.

However, he did accept the business so all you can do is tell him it’s best to go along with a smile, do the job to the best of his ability, keep his head down and get through without any trouble or further involvement or gossip. There are no sides to take OP. It’s just business.

Please don’t burden him with your negative feelings of disloyalty. he has nothing to feel guilty about becasue he’s trying his best to make a living for himself and can’t be choosey about who he accepts business from.

Your son needs your thoughtful support not your bitterness.

I’m sorry you are still feeling hurt about all this. Maybe it’s time to let it go now.

You are being very unreasonable expecting your son to turn down a work opportunity when his Aunt went to the event, so obviously isn't bothered.

If this altercation happened a few weeks/months ago then you may have a point but it sounds like it was years ago.

Your son should not be caught in the middle of something that happened between you and someone else, especially when it happened years ago.