Is this disloyal to you?

[lovenotwar149]

I had a BIG difference of opinion with a long standing friend. Havent spoken to her for a few yrs. After the altercation, I called 3/4 times to talk about it and sent 3/4 msgs...no reply. Fast forward to now, 2-3 yrs on, she books my son to entertain for a big party she was hosting last Saturday. My son accepted and let me know as he recalled the upset between us. 2 days before the party this lady actually messages me to extend the invite to me and my hubby and also added some very mean comments in the invite about the altercation. I told my son and asked if he wanted to read the msgs. He said yes. He thought they were mean too. He went anyway. I feel a real sense of betrayal by him. AIBU?

Agreed and I am sorry for that. I think I just felt really strongly and so I typed before thinking about my words! X

Your battles are your battles. I've never understood this whole 'family loyalty' vibe. His relationship with people is allowed to be different from.yours so imo yabu

I can understand you feeling hurt, but this really isn't about you. It's about your son, who understands how and why you feel this way, but has agreed to work for her, and about this woman who's stirring the pot, knows it and yes is being mean. Your son is being paid for his services and this woman shouldn't be using this situation to bring up old grievances, but she has. You have to be the adult in the room and try to get past the hurt, don't let it come between you and your son.

Your son did the right thing - he honoured a professional engagement, protecting his business reputation by not cancelling.

He was not “invited” he was booked and paid for his services. If this altercation was so significant it affected your son he could've declined the commission at the start but he didn't do that.

As for the ex friend - she may have booked your son to annoy you or simply because he’s good at whatever he does. She may have invited other members of your family to annoy you or because she likes them. You just don’t know. She did invite you, albeit with snarky comments. You chose not to go. That’s it, end of story.

Your son has not betrayed you - he’s merely done a job he was paid to do. The drama is between you and former friend - don’t try to drag others into it. Move on and forget it.

So what was you hopi g for by showing him the messages?

So your sister is the grieved party and she has decided to live and let live and went to the party and enjoyed herself. You're not directly involved but you're the one holding the grudge?

With the greatest of respect if the above is correct, coupled with your reaction to your son for taking a paid gig for someone who you feel slighted another who couldn't give a damn about it.... Its more than a little drama llama and manipulative on your part.

Noone is saying you have to be best friends and roll over and forgive her but you don't get to put your feelings on other grown adults either.

I can understand why you’d feel that way, OP; I don’t know what business your son is in but it does feel like your former friend was trying to cause upset (by not only booking him specifically for the entertainment, and inviting you and hubby, and other family from the sound of it - the invitation might have been ok, perhaps could even be seen as an olive branch if she hadn’t included the nasty comments).
Some people just can’t see past their own hurt and anger - it sounds like you tried to make things right at the time, but she wasn’t having it, is still salty but not interested in actually trying to resolve anything.

Your son is being a professional, and your feud with a former friend should not be impacting on the business.
You should tell her herself how you feel about her without involving him. If he was invited privately as a guest, it may be a bit different, but otherwise what excuse would he use to not work with her?
It's not pleasant, but it is what it is.

RickyGervaislovesdogs

There most certainly was not a breach of GDPR here. Her son mentioned that this person had booked him for an event, there is no personal data involved in this. In fact the OP probably breached GDPR by showing her son text messages between herself and this other woman as the other woman did not consent to her private information being shared.

Tbh there’s always two sides to every story and I’d love to hear the other woman’s story. Really don’t know why some posters seem to think that the other woman is a cow without knowing the full story. OP referres to her as a long standing friendship that fell out and OP tried to contact her several times but the other woman did not return her calls. Sounds like there’s more to this story ……..

I think you may be placing your feeling of betrayal from the person you used to be friends with onto your son. It is not his fault and he is not responsible for your feelings. By all means feel cross with her and don’t go. But move on and try not to hold a grudge (as if will ultimately make you feel terrible and won’t impact her!) and certainly don’t hold a grudge with your son.

Honestly OP, you are giving this woman all of your power.

You have had a falling out, she is not a nice person, you were moving on.

Your son is a professional and it is a job, it's not a "betrayal" for him to take the work. He's had his money off the stupid woman, see that as a win.

Dragging your son into your personal fallings out does seem juvenile to be honest. It is teenage drama.

She is a bitch, we get it. But you're allowing her to take up your headspace and energy. You're allowing her in to tarnish the relationship between you and your son with your thoughts of betrayal. Just stop thinking about her and move on, it is within your power and currently you're choosing not to.

Yes, but that's between you and her, not him, especially in his professional capacity.

I wouldn’t be involving my son in my personal rows. I’d just let him get on with it. If this person is trying to be manipulative don’t let it annoy you. And definitely don’t blame your son.

Your son has risen above the Soap Opera that is your life.

Don’t let this awful woman win by driving a wedge between you and your son (which may have been her aim).

Be proud of him for fulfilling his professional obligations despite what he must have thought of her.

Honestly… no. I don’t think he betrayed you. He was booked to do some paid work and he did it. That’s all.

I’m sorry but no, I think you’re aiming your feelings of betrayal at your son who did the right thing. Your ex-friend was the hurtful one; he did the professional and sensible thing. I do understand that you feel hurt though, and of course your feelings are real and painful. So I genuinely sympathise even though I think you are being unreasonable here.

This. Your DS has a business to run he's not friends with this woman.

Honestly I am so confused.

It sounds like your sister (who was the one being bad mouthed) went as well, why aren't you having a go at her either?

If the aggrieved party isn't bothered then I'd just let it go. You don't have to be friends with her but stop making people choose between you.

Nope

I’m with you OP - I dare say she has booked your son to bother you. She sounds like a nasty cow tbh. If my child no matter what age did business with someone who has caused me such offence I’d be livid !

family first

So several years ago you had a spat with this friend over something she said about your younger sister and you haven't spoken since.

This friend egaged your son for a gig and your younger sister is attending with no hard feelings about whatever was said about her.

And you think your son is being disloyal by accepting the gig?

You sound like my mother... and she was totally wrong too...

So whatever this friend said about your sister that caused the spat - you now think it was true????

That was quick.

All made up and resolved within 75 minutes of the first post.

A record even for Mumsnet...

Call it what you will, the principle of what @RickyGervaislovesdogs is saying is correct - this is a breach of client confidentiality.