Not giving my kids money while at uni

[Seilla]

I have twins who are both going to uni this year, DD is going to Kings in London and DS to Newcastle.
I work as an administrator for the local council making about £24k, their dad isn't involved at all.He sees them maybe 2 times a year and moved away.
They are both get full student loans. DD this is £13,348, DS £10,227. DDs Accomodation is £169 per week and DS is £129 per week (DDs uni has an affordable Accomodation scheme she qualified for).

The maths tells me that DD will have £732 a month after rent (dividing the remaining loan by 9 months) and DS £563.
My parents just bought them both a MacBook for there 18th last week, I've got them new phone contracts which I will pay. They both just got over £1000 from there child trust funds and my parents have given them £500 each to get clothes and pots/pans.
They have both worked all through sixth form and have savings, DDs is at a little restaurant who have said they will have her back in the holidays. DS was at a shop so that is less likely.

AIBU to give them nothing more?
My parents think I should give them pocket money and I hear all there friends parents talking of contributions but I think they have loads with just that and getting jobs of their own?

My mum did a "big shop" once per term for me and my brothers, and that was it. They have enough money there, they need to learn to budget as part of growing up.

Can you afford to pay them anything? I guess that’s the first question to ask.

We topped up DS to what students on full
loans could have - he got no more in his undergrad years; we just fed him in the holidays.

In his final Masters level year we gave him a few hundred more due to the CoL crisis, but he used some if that to tide himself over until his first pay cheque.

Given the details, particularly the affordable accommodation m, the MacBooks and phone contracts and money for uni stuff, they should be fine.

She should check whether the shop will have her back in the vacs -mine was at Tesco and they did. He did quite a few shifts at Christmas, fewer at Easter, but always 2or 3 each week in the summer.

YANBU

If you were on a much higher salary I'd suggest a small contribution but at your wages you really can't afford it.

I worked through college. In a shop at weekends and a bar at night. That was standard for every student back then (around 2002). Never did me any harm.

I really think young adults are treated like children by alot of parents these days. Some live off their parents until well into their 20s
Ridiculous.

Sounds like your kids have a good head on their shoulders. They'll be fine.

I checked the calculations. It looks like your two will be fine. If you have funds spare, maybe a good idea to get some savings together as a rainy day fund for them, rather than giving them extra monthly money. They may need help when they graduate - things like buying new suits for work or a first rental deposit.

You will have so much less disposable income than they do; I’m sure they’ll be home for weekends and holidays so I’d just feed them then.
They are getting the maximum loan due to your low income so don’t let what others do or say make you feel guilty.
You’ve done a fabulous job getting twins to University - it must have been a struggle.

When I went to university, my mum didn't give me any money at all. I had to get an overdraft from the bank as soon as I got there to buy food etc

I got a part time job at the SU, then worked full time doing agency work during breaks. I survived with student loans, overdrafts and work.

Many parents can't afford to support their children through university. I wasn't alone in not relying on my parents. The fact that my mum didn't phone me after I left home, is another matter.

Does the accommodation include bills? It sounds ok to me. I had about £400 disposable income a month from a PT job when I was at uni.

To be honest I can't imagine you have much left yourself anyway on a household income of £24k - after you've paid your housing, council tax, travel, insurances and food.

The only thing I'd bare in mind is to divide the sum by 12 months not just term time.
This is because even tho uni halls can end in June they then need (if not traipsing their stuff back home) rent for the summer.
Many students go into private rentals on July 1st.
There's a deposit and a month's rent to find.
Some bring everything home and find private company uni places that do have the rental starting September.

I'm in a very similar situation to you. Mine had full loan but needed a top up for the things I've mentioned.
I think from her loan she had about £80 a week to actually live off and it didn't go far at times.

I probably gave her another grand a year on top just to help out here and there.

The last year loan is also less as it's not covering the summer.

It's definitely worth taking the maintenance money and dividing by 12 or 52 weeto give a ball park figure to keep in mind.

Safe side I guess.

My DD is currently at uni.

We don't give her anything regularly.

However, we do get the a big shop with treats when we drop her off.

Didn't get anything from my parents but my boyfriends parents used to do me a big "shop" of treats and basic cooking things which was really kind and appreciated. That said, sounds like your two are sensible and working when they can so should be able to manage with what they have if its not in your budget.

I didn't get a penny from my parents and I had less than them left per month by a mile. So I worked part time to pay for food. My parents couldn't afford it and that was that!

My daughter did her children's nursing degree. She had full student finance and NHS bursary. I couldn't give her any money. She worked all through uni

It teaches them how to budget. Your kids will be fine

Surely they'll be getting part time jobs? I worked in the campus shop/a cinema/a chippy evenings and weekends while at uni.

My parents visited and took me on a supermarket shop for a stock up each term but that's it.

they'll probably have more disposable income than you a month. If they could get themselves a little 10/20 hour a week job they’ll be fine, I never got any help

YANBU at all, I'll be in a similar situation.

I’d probably send ‘care packages’ or a shop maybe once a month or 2 of cheap, bare basics like noodles, toothpaste, paracetamol etc. And I’d make sure there was a small emergency fund put aside just in case. But it looks like they’rw actually better off than you at this point op

It sounds like they will be fine and they can always look for a part time job if they need extra money. They'll let you know if they're desperate, I'm sure!

That's the issue not really, I won't get UC for them or child benefit anymore so I'm about to see my income drop down to just what I earn. Which while for just me is doable (I can walk to work so no car needed etc.) but after rent I have less than £1000 a month now for all bills including the kids phones and shopping + any clothes etc. and that is working 37 hours a week.

DD is going to be really far away and the trains are expensive so that might be an issue if she wants to come home. DS will be closer so not as bad.

They can both get jobs. It will help in the future for references as well.

My DD is just about to go, we are financially not in a great place so no spare cash, she's got full loan and will have £60 week after rent . She works too so has saved up and will keep working. She is set up with all the stuff she needs. As I see it she will not starve will have clothes and what she needs for her course. and if she wants to do major socialising she will need to keep working. She has v good savings from when we were better off and sensibly is saving them for after (hopefully) I am not going to give her regular money but will do a big shop now and again or treat her when she comes home, maybe send the odd voucher as a surprise. I see that it is her choice and for her benefit to go.

If they get the full loan amount then that's on the assumption they don't get anything from parents I understand.

I'm in my 20s, I got the full loan amount and neither of my parents gave me a penny nor paid for my food or travel or any equipment I needed. Although maybe I wouldn't have needed to rely on my abusive much older ex had I not been so unsupported.

At the end of the day, you can't give them money you haven't got, they don't have much less than you,

They should be fine off that and can do babysitting or work part time or in the holidays.

Well done you on bringing up twins on your own on a low income and getting them into such great inks you should be so proud of yourself and them 😊

Most of your friends will be over the threshold for having to pay a parental contribution whereas you aren't so they have to support them to get them up to the level of a full loan because they'll get less from SLC. Sounds like with their full loans and their grandparents gifts your twins will be fine. Don't worry, you've done a fab job getting them to Uni on your own.

i didn't finance my two at uni.. i was a single mum on a low wage and benefits.. they actually probably had more spare cash than i did.

i did do big shops for them when i visited, and i cooked and took food with me for freezing etc.

if they needed extra money then they can get a job and earn it!