Not giving my kids money while at uni

[Seilla]

I have twins who are both going to uni this year, DD is going to Kings in London and DS to Newcastle.
I work as an administrator for the local council making about £24k, their dad isn't involved at all.He sees them maybe 2 times a year and moved away.
They are both get full student loans. DD this is £13,348, DS £10,227. DDs Accomodation is £169 per week and DS is £129 per week (DDs uni has an affordable Accomodation scheme she qualified for).

The maths tells me that DD will have £732 a month after rent (dividing the remaining loan by 9 months) and DS £563.
My parents just bought them both a MacBook for there 18th last week, I've got them new phone contracts which I will pay. They both just got over £1000 from there child trust funds and my parents have given them £500 each to get clothes and pots/pans.
They have both worked all through sixth form and have savings, DDs is at a little restaurant who have said they will have her back in the holidays. DS was at a shop so that is less likely.

AIBU to give them nothing more?
My parents think I should give them pocket money and I hear all there friends parents talking of contributions but I think they have loads with just that and getting jobs of their own?

Our DC is off to Kings London. Doesn’t get the full loan so we are feeling like we will be paying part of accommodation costs. I thought the Kings accommodation was well organised compared to some of his friends. Our main worry is getting there up public transport with all the accumulated stuff.

My child gets about £5550 loan. This just covers her rent. We will be sending her about £160 a month for food, plus doing a big shop every so often. She isn't living too far away and has a job here so if she is unable to get a job where she is she will be coming back occasionally to work and raise money. We are buying her stuff for uni, she's on a budget for that.

Yours have a lot of income, I wouldn't be tipping it up if I was you

YANBU. My mum gave me £20 when I left for uni it did me no harm like your kids I worked through last year of school and the summer. Once my savings started to dwindle 6 months in I got a pt job as my 1st year was mainly coursework that was all completed and only had 1 exam and a project after that.

It clearly taught me good life lessons I saved and bought my own flat, have never been in debt etc

That’s fine - like others have said, they can get jobs. Not every parent on Mumsnet has a huge amount of disposable income to give to their kids and the amount of money your kids have left over after is relatively large.

Many students go into private rentals on July 1st.

I knew absolutely no one who did this in london. Its far too expensive for students to afford to. They all go home for summer.

So do private rentals for students only work on a term-time basis in London and landlords leave the house sitting empty making no money all summer?

My mum contributed nothing went I went to uni. She couldn't afford to and that was fine with me. I had a part time job and managed just fine. I don't understand why parents feel that they should give their kids so much when they go to uni. They are over 18 and no one forces them to go.

You didn't pay fees, and living was much cheaper.

I lived off my student loan and got a bar job in the second and third year and worked in holidays. In the first year I went inter railing in the summer holiday and had a little help towards that.

One of my friends mums made him meals in foil trays with cooking instructions.

Didn't really have any help with any extras like store cupboard shop, birthdays, clothes, haircuts and I survived.

My son is just about to go to uni. I’m going to pay his phone, car loan and car insurance.

We pay a little towards rent each month as my dd has a high cost to pay and she doesn’t qualify for much loan. I also give her a monthly food budget.
I think it’s based on what you can afford to give, and it’s ok to expect them to work in a little job outside their uni days.

Mine were students at universities away from home in the 90’s and early 00’s - their financial situations were all different due to location etc.
yours will be fine, they sound very well grounded and hardworking. And will appreciate the experience more if it’s not all handed to them on a plate - one of mine was at university with an exceptionally wealthy friend who spent money like water as he was financed well by parents. My son said he was the exception rather than the rule.

I made mine up to the maximum loan ( which was financially challenging but just about possible), they all had a job of some sort and worked through the summer. I did a big food/toiletries/laundry stuff shop when I visited and I think it was in the days of top up phone cards so bought them one of those occasionally.
Obviously it is harder for you as you will have 2 there at the same time.
The only other contribution I made was to pay for one to continue his contact lens usage throughout university.

My dd is at Newcastle and is going in to her third year. She only has her loan to live on and she lives comfortably. No travel costs and a relatively cheap rent compared to the other places she looked at. We don't give her any additional money.

I think they have plenty money.

As others have pointed out, things like trains home can be expensive. That doesn't mean you need to fund them. They can get the bus instead. I don't think I ever traveled on a long distance train until after I finished uni. As a student, I always did the London-Scotland journey by megabus.

They've got the full loan and have savings
You are on a low salary.
They will be fine for this year.
They will need to top up savings by working so they also have a buffer for next year.
We topped up our DC to maximum loan.
However I did kit them out for uni, duvets, bedding, pots and pans, crockery etc
I also drove them to and from uni at start and end of each term, and bought occasional train ticket home.
I also pay phone contracts and for any dental appointments and prescriptions.
They need to budget you may need to initiallly help with this. Can you help them in emergencies?

Are you insane ?
That's loads for a student.
They're young fit and healthy, they can get evening jobs if they want more money.
You are not a cash cow, you cannot afford it and even if you could, that's not the way.
They need to learn to budget, or work, or both.

If you can afford to give them the occasional £20-£50, maybe when they visit I'm sure they'd be grateful but if you can't afford to I think it sounds like they'll get by and can work if they need to. There's a huge mixture students of different financial situations at uni and they work out their own way to get by.

My DS got the full loan and no contributions from us as there was nothing to spare.

I did have guilt about this but he managed his money impeccably, eating healthily but cheaply, paying for student gym membership, going out and even having a few holidays with friends.

He can now feel extra proud that he got himself through university without any help, so there’s that.

My DH got nothing from his family whilst at university, he had to work evenings all the time he was there and work through the holidays. In those days you got £50 if your family was considered well-off and your family was supposed to make it up to the equivalent of a full grant. He always says it was tough but it probably made him the person he is today.
£700 per month after rent sound fine to me provided DD doesn't live too far from central London, otherwise fares might take a hefty chunk. Also depends on what course she is doing, so what books etc she will need to buy,
Bear in mind that Kings is Russell Group and (depending on her course) some of her cohort may be very well off so their socialising will be expensive - but by no means all are like this.

I don’t think you should give them pocket money, but I think care packages are always well received when your a student.

I didn't finance the youngster I had a residence order for at university as I am on a pension. You can't give what you don't have.

Sounds like you're in a similar position to me, and I'm definitely not intending to give my dd any additional regular cash, although I am buying her stuff before she goes and will do a big shop when I drop her off. She's going to a pretty cheap area, has some savings for any big purchases and will have around £100 a week left of her loan after rent which should really be fine for general living expenses.

I think they can manage on what youndescribe they'll have, and they can always take on a student job in their university town. Since you're not exactly a millionaire yourself I think you've done your bit in supporting them and now even paying for their phones!

Well if you earn 24k a year I can’t see you will have much left after bills. If it’s a case of not being able to afford to then of course you aren’t being unreasonable

YANBU.
They sound like hardworking and intelligent young people. Your DD especially choosing a London university must've done her research as to how much everything costs.
They'll be fine.

Also this was years ago now but when I was at uni ,I did casual event work for London venues.... Almost always got spare food to take home!