Not giving my kids money while at uni

[Seilla]

I have twins who are both going to uni this year, DD is going to Kings in London and DS to Newcastle.
I work as an administrator for the local council making about £24k, their dad isn't involved at all.He sees them maybe 2 times a year and moved away.
They are both get full student loans. DD this is £13,348, DS £10,227. DDs Accomodation is £169 per week and DS is £129 per week (DDs uni has an affordable Accomodation scheme she qualified for).

The maths tells me that DD will have £732 a month after rent (dividing the remaining loan by 9 months) and DS £563.
My parents just bought them both a MacBook for there 18th last week, I've got them new phone contracts which I will pay. They both just got over £1000 from there child trust funds and my parents have given them £500 each to get clothes and pots/pans.
They have both worked all through sixth form and have savings, DDs is at a little restaurant who have said they will have her back in the holidays. DS was at a shop so that is less likely.

AIBU to give them nothing more?
My parents think I should give them pocket money and I hear all there friends parents talking of contributions but I think they have loads with just that and getting jobs of their own?

Their father should be financially contributing…

we were anti student loan for covering cost of living expenses, but then there were 2 of us.

DD was a sensible girl, hates spending and cooked a lot of meals in a slow cooker and microwave rice steamer (she was in private halls where each room had an ensuite and kitchenette).

Food was stolen frequently from the shared main hall kitchens so we bought an under desk fridge that had a very small freezer compartment. It was big enough though to do the job. We just had to get it tagged by an electrician to meet hall rules on electrical items.

we also bought second hand books when they were current for her year and new ones when they were not. Stationery etc. that adds up.

I would top up her fuel tank and pay annual expenses for the car. Pop gave her his car prior to his bowel cancer operation which he passed away from 3 days later.

but in your case I would be hitting up their father to co- contribute.

If you genuinely can’t afford it then of course you are not being unreasonable.

It will be good for them to have a part time job so long as it still gives them time to do uni work. I worked all through uni. But I also lived at home too so that took pressure off me and my family.

If you can afford to help them out from time to time then I think that might be more beneficial - you can budget for this easier than a regular payment.

Honestly though, the best thing you can give them is reassurance that you are there for them if anything goes wrong - home is always there for them etc.

What are they studying? My brother did history, which was about 5 hours a week contact time. I did a healthcare course which was 40 hours a week, and couldn't get a part time job as I moved to a different town on placement every 2 months. So their ability to earn money may vary

My two girls are both up in Newcastle too. One just finished her Masters and one in her 3rd year of her degree. I’m a single mum and although I have a okay job they both got near enough the full maintenance loan. I didn’t top it up as they had plenty for rent, bills and food.

Both had part time jobs (all their friends do too) and seem to be financially sound with no shortage of clothes, social life and a holiday! Both have a car too. They know if they need a lend they can come to me but other than that they like the independence.

I didn’t get a penny from my parents as they just couldn’t afford it. It was a very good lesson in budgeting and making my own money if I wanted more. It gave me such good skills re: personal budgeting that I still use today (albeit in apps and a spreadsheet and not scrawled on the back of an envelope anymore 🤣)

I’m sure they’ll find part-time work around their studies!

£732 and £563 after rent should be more than enough, although they may need to use some of that/their earnings for second year house deposit. Bear in mind they will be home for approx 1.5 of those 9 months, over Xmas and Easter, with less outgoings.

My DS was at uni 2016-2020, with a year out. We topped up his loan for rent then he had £300/mth in first yr, 350 in second and final. Putting those figures through an inflation calc. gives equivalent figures of £400-£450. He covered everything including food, travel (though was only an hour from home), clothes, socialising. Was in a northern city similar to your DS.

He had worked in retail in 6th form and got weekend work in same store in uni city from April to August of first year, but was doing a full on science course, with labs each day, so didn’t carry that on. He had more than enough and actually told us we could reduce what we gave him!

Your food and fuel bills should reduce when they are not at home too.

They will probably qualify for low income household bursaries too. You don't have to give them money regularly, just a helping hand now and then like a big grocery shop once a term, the occasional train ticket to visit home. If they cook from scratch and budget they should be fine on what they have. It's likely that their friends who are getting regular money from parents are those who don't qualify for full maintenance loans, so actually need the money to get by.

It sounds like after bills, they'll have more disposable income than you will! My guideline is I will only fund my kids a cheaper lifestyle than I myself can afford.

I do know some parents who give their all, only for the student to waste it or kind of fritter it away.

It sounds like your Newcastle dc will be fine, but London is genuinely expensive.

Maybe keep any spare money to one side to be given as an emergency fund if their budgeting goes wrong?

This is so fantastic. Congratulations - that is some incredible solo mumming, to have supported your twins to get to Kings and Newcastle. Wow!

Presumably absent Dad was paying child maintenance which is about to stop for you, despite the fact that you are still financially supporting their living and grocery costs in the holidays. Maybe focus on making your salary work for supporting them when they’re home on their breaks?

Again, congrats :)

I would give whatever I could afford and do a monthly essential shop for them and if I had to take on a second job I would.

I think, given your own financial situation, your children should try to manage on what they have. Perhaps occasionally, if finances allow, you could help with extra expenses that come up but, on the whole, I think they need to be responsible for themselves.

I know of parents who are very generous with their children at university and I wonder how those children will fare in the real world without constant handouts.

@AllyArty

and if I had to take on a second job I would

What is your reasoning behind this? The kids are getting full loans and after rent will probably have more disposable income than many families have.

They have savings from work and have been set up initially by grandparents. As a pp said, they will almost certainly qualify for a uni bursary too.

Why should Op get a second job to give them money which would probably mean they had more disposable income than her?

I can understand that reasoning if Op had to top them up, and they were being left seriously short, but they aren’t!

Not at all unreasonable.
I'm in the same position but just one ds currently at uni. He came home with over £1000 left at the end of year one, he had less money to go with than yours did as no GP money etc and less trust fund amount.

Well done you for getting them this far. As others have said they’ll be fine on that budget. And in terms of coming home to visit there’s often lift sharing/ spare train tickets advertised at unis which can be cheap/ free.

I'd pay for DD to have monthly travel in London unless her halls are near KCL. It's reassuring to be able to catch a night bus or tube to stay safe.

Do students not work any more? I had a job in the holidays and a job at weekends while at uni, as did the vast majority of my peers. Only people with well off parents got pocket money. You are a very low earner. They should be fine with the money they have and if they need more then they get jobs.

They sound like great kids who have worked hard and saved and you have done a great job supporting them to do that. I’d wait and see and if they come unstuck later you sound like the sort of parent who would do your best to help them. I think they’ll be more than fine. Well done!

I got no money from my parents when I went to uni. I was the only one out of my friends who got no financial support. I worked while studying and whenever I went home my mum would pay for a big grocery shop to take back with me.
I definitely did struggle at times and had to miss out on some social activities. But it certainly taught me a lot about managing expenses and living within my means!

If they are staying with you in the summer I would let them stay free not really costing you much more so that can be your help. You could budget some ‘emergency’ support money if they need it rather than give them some they come to rely on. Some courses need money for trips or equipment, again you could support with the exceptional stuff.

Be proud your chicks have fledged ( almost)!

They could actually get a p/t job, my son did to top up.

Surely very few students run cars?? Certainly not in London!

Sorry - ignore this. Just realised you were saying what you did rather than what the OP should do. The "I would" was ambiguous!

Not all parents can afford it. Even those whose kids aren’t entitled to loans etc. circumstances are all different. I was at uni in the mid-late 90s. My parents both had income so I wasn’t entitled to a grant. They were meant to contribute the grant amount instead. We had our fees paid back then though. Their contribution wasn’t really enough to live on and I did take the student loans. They were available to everyone and weren’t loads. I then also took on a part time job as well. It was tricky. Most student timetables are only about 16 hours a week if doing a regular subject degree. But I was doing teaching so was timetabled 9-5 everyday. Same with nurses and those doing other practical courses. So working was evenings stacking shelves. All good for personal development though.

@Seilla
Our dd is going to Kings too.
Has your dd applied for an 18+ Oyster card as this saves on transport costs for students living in London and if she has an 18-25 railcard that can be linked at main stations in person to get extra discount.
Which accommodation is your dd in ?

Their maintenance loan has been assessed based on your salary which is why they have more than most. Other people are giving their kids regular money because it's been assessed that they can afford it based on their salary. Don't compare yourself.
I think you have already helped them out financially with the trust fund etc, and they sound financially savvy, so I would say you shouldn't feel a need to help out more now. £24K is not a large salary, so I'm sure you'll need it all.

Similar position here. I pay for all travel costs to come home otherwise they might have a disincentive to visit me lol. I pay for everything in the holidays, tiny phone contract amount, occasional holiday or weekend with family, and a shop if I visit.

I do say that if a financial emergency comes up to let me know, and I’ll help, but I ignore any hints dropped re new phones etc unless it’s a birthday or Christmas gift.