Not giving my kids money while at uni

[Seilla]

I have twins who are both going to uni this year, DD is going to Kings in London and DS to Newcastle.
I work as an administrator for the local council making about £24k, their dad isn't involved at all.He sees them maybe 2 times a year and moved away.
They are both get full student loans. DD this is £13,348, DS £10,227. DDs Accomodation is £169 per week and DS is £129 per week (DDs uni has an affordable Accomodation scheme she qualified for).

The maths tells me that DD will have £732 a month after rent (dividing the remaining loan by 9 months) and DS £563.
My parents just bought them both a MacBook for there 18th last week, I've got them new phone contracts which I will pay. They both just got over £1000 from there child trust funds and my parents have given them £500 each to get clothes and pots/pans.
They have both worked all through sixth form and have savings, DDs is at a little restaurant who have said they will have her back in the holidays. DS was at a shop so that is less likely.

AIBU to give them nothing more?
My parents think I should give them pocket money and I hear all there friends parents talking of contributions but I think they have loads with just that and getting jobs of their own?

I wasn’t going to give my DC any more initially as they’ll have about £250 after rent and bills and a part time job already lined up which will provide the same again. I’d decided to give something so they don’t feel under too much pressure to keep working during exam time etc but in your shoes with those numbers I absolutely wouldn’t, they’ll be fine.

All of my dc perceived that people who were on a Full loan were generally the ones with the most money.

Mine said there were three levels of people.

Those who got the maximum loan and had loads of money (mine were in an area with reasonably cheap accommodation).

Those whose parents were loaded and paid their accommodation outright, giving them the minimum loan for beer and food money.

Those in the middle (my kids!) who got the minimum loan, but whose parents couldn’t afford to just pay the accommodation outright, so they had to use the loan for accommodation and then parents would try to top up where they could (some couldn’t, especially if they had other kids to pay for).

Ds got the full loan and opted for the cheapest accommodation. I didn’t give him money although I did buy him bits and bobs here and there. I think his dad paid him the equivalent of what he’d been paying me in maintenance up until ds turned 19 (around £100 per month). He was really proud in the end of his independence and I think it was good for him to learn to manage.
I’m actually now a mature student, and I see the ones who are getting everything paid for and they’re not getting the same opportunities to adult in some ways.

I think that’s your answer OP.

Full time undergraduate study isn’t the same hours as a full time job.

They can get jobs and you could try to build up an emergency fund in case you need to help with travel costs if that arises.

Everyone in my family worked through uni because our parents couldn’t afford to help. Didn’t do anyone any harm, quite the opposite.

I think that's fine. They are receiving the full student loan so there is no expectation that you add to that. You may find that there are other grants that they are entitled to given your household income. My kids got/get the minimum student loan, so we had to top it up. But until the final year (when my DD's rent shot up, but the loan amounts didn't) I only topped it up to about what they would have received on the full loan.

I would assume King's will be doing their bursary again, which is worth £1600/year: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/study-legacy/funding/kings-living-bursary

Similarly, Newcastle's Opportunity bursary is worth £2000/year: www.ncl.ac.uk/undergraduate/fees-funding/scholarships-bursaries/opportunity-scholarships/

We weren't expecting the bursary at all, it was a very pleasant surprise in my daughter's first year (at her uni you don't have to apply, it just comes automatically if you've been assessed for student finance - may be different at other unis)

They'll be fine just on the full loan in their first year, but in subsequent years the accommodation might sting a bit, and you may be asked to guarantee their rent which could be awkward if you're on a low salary. The bursaries should top them up to cover private rent.

Actually, it can be. I teach at Oxford and expect my students to put in hours similar to a full time job. Not all are studying that much, but I think there are plenty that do. Very few of them will do paid work during the term, but work during the holidays. My daughter was a student at Oxford and worked holidays. If they get the full loan, or their parents top up to that amount, then they can just about manage. If parents don't then they struggle.

They should have enough. Depending on the courses they are doing, they may be able to get a little work. Very many do.

Our sons got the full loan, though as this was due to the timing of a redundancy they had more assets behind them than might be expected (children's savings products, newish laptops, musical instruments and so forth). They both went somewhere with relatively cheap accommodation and various bursaries (and S1 had a choral scholarship too) though the flip side of that was no term-time jobs allowed.

We didn't give them anything - except the instrument insurance - and in fact asked for board when they were at home and transport costs from S2 because unlike his brother he would have found the train tricky, what with the tuba

Neither of them had holiday jobs (apart from the choral scholarship) and both graduated solvent. In fact after not having to pay rent over lockdown S1 splashed out and bought a decidedly niche piece of equipment for our already niche hobby for a few thousand pounds; and after spending his PGCE year renting a house with his partner happened to mention that putting Grandad's inheritance into an ISA would have to wait till April now because he's maxed out...

S1 doesn't like the taste of alcohol and S2 doesn't drink much, and they both have cheap hobbies and cook for themselves. If the accommodation isn't too steep it's decidedly doable.

Yes my son is at Lancaster and we are south. He has just discovered the bus!

When I went to uni (9 years ago now) I worked 15 hours a week, more in holidays and still managed to walk away with a first. I’m sure they can pick up some hours if they need too. My mum wasn’t able to help financially, similar position to you, and I never once expected her too. I was fine, they will be too.

Newcastle will give your kid £2000 bursary per annum and kings have a bursary too for low income students

I am glad you posted this as I have been wondering the same. My DD will get a £9,000 loan plus a £3,000 disability payment plus PIP of about £400 a month. If I give her money, she’ll spend it on clothes or going out. I plan on giving her a supermarket gift card every now and then. I’ve bought all her stuff plus a laptop.

YANBU I paid my own way through university and although it wasn't easy (I think I had £4000 a year to live off) I was an adult and making my own choices, to be honest everyone else had parents paying some or all of everything which can be a challenge seeing that inequality but it's part of the learning. I've always earned well since uni because it gave me a drive to stand on my own feet and make the most of an opportunity my mum didn't have. I did get extra funding and a chunk of money in 3rd year and worked too so my only advice is to keep an ear out for that type of thing. Also most parents can't comprehend not providing money to their kids but that shouldn't have a bearing on what you do. In the long run I think independence is the best give you can give

I found mine needed extra stuff for their courses as they went along so my Amazon account came in useful. They all worked in the holidays, two did bar work, one farming. That was their silly money.

They won't live on that even with part time jobs.

OP - if your DD is really far away, could you pay her train fare once a term to help her out? I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable not to contribute more money - I didn’t have much when my DC were at university, and I used to send them a supermarket shop if I thought they weren’t eating properly, but like you, I simply couldn’t have afforded to have given them a regular amount of money - and they were all fine!

Parent who contribute normally have a higher income than you - I think they will be fine.

I think that’s fine. My DC all got the minimum so I paid their rents but that pretty much adds up to what yours are getting in total. The system is designed that way.

My mother gave me 'fruit money' to make sure I ate healthily. Her mother did the same for her. I think it was about £5 a week. Keep an eye on their living costs, as the disparity between the two may leave your son worse off. I know London is more expensive, but probably not that much more.

We don't give ours anything except an occasional shop / pair of new trainers etc

Mine get the equivalent of the full loan and work in the holidays. I’d bake them out if they couldn’t manage but that’s all.

I’ve never been to Oxford, but I do have an PhD so plenty of university experience. I’ve also got experience of family attending 5 UK universities in the last decade. Not one of them worked full time job hours, all of them had a shift a week in their uni town and all did really well. Just as my generation did back in the day.

The harsh reality is that many people simply can’t afford not to work at the same time as studying.

If you can’t afford to give them more, you really aren’t being unreasonable. I got nothing from my parents, they couldn’t afford it, so I had to work. They’ll not be the only ones in that position, and you have two at university at the same time. Yes, it would be nice to help them out if you could, but you shouldn’t get into debt or leave yourselves short to do so. Others that are getting help might not be getting the full loan.

In Wales everyone gets the same it's just the ratio of Loan to grant depends on income