Not giving my kids money while at uni

[Seilla]

I have twins who are both going to uni this year, DD is going to Kings in London and DS to Newcastle.
I work as an administrator for the local council making about £24k, their dad isn't involved at all.He sees them maybe 2 times a year and moved away.
They are both get full student loans. DD this is £13,348, DS £10,227. DDs Accomodation is £169 per week and DS is £129 per week (DDs uni has an affordable Accomodation scheme she qualified for).

The maths tells me that DD will have £732 a month after rent (dividing the remaining loan by 9 months) and DS £563.
My parents just bought them both a MacBook for there 18th last week, I've got them new phone contracts which I will pay. They both just got over £1000 from there child trust funds and my parents have given them £500 each to get clothes and pots/pans.
They have both worked all through sixth form and have savings, DDs is at a little restaurant who have said they will have her back in the holidays. DS was at a shop so that is less likely.

AIBU to give them nothing more?
My parents think I should give them pocket money and I hear all there friends parents talking of contributions but I think they have loads with just that and getting jobs of their own?

We top our DC contributions up to the maximum maintenance loan, which is what yours are getting. On top of that, I have kept them both on the family mobile contract. Otherwise it's just the odd thing here and there - a train fare if they want to come home, a supermarket shop at the start of term. Your DC should be fine as they are already getting the amount that assumes there is no parental contribution.

My parents had a lot more disposable income than you do but I didn't get any money from them outside tuition. Back then it wasn't expected. However, my mom would make sure I got her used or extra items like pots, plates, blankets, plantings, etc. I respect my parents so much and, now in middle age, I look back and see how they instilled a strong work ethic in me. Outside short maternity leaves, I have had a job or been self-employed since I was 12 (babysitting). I also have a graduate degree, so working and doing well in university courses is more than doable. Your kids are frankly better off than those who are getting their parents to cover everything, including designers for dorm rooms. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/30/realestate/college-dorm-room-interior-designer.html?unlockedarticlee_code=1.H04.qX2j.w561BdZ2-J9K&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

My parents never gave me money when I was at uni, Im a nurse so I got a bursary and worked on and off throughout for spending money. My parents would usually get me a food shop if they came to visit which was nice.

I quite liked being independent and the students who had loads of help from family and never worked always made me eye roll. Many of them really struggled to manage money even after graduating as they were used to having someone else do it for them.

Kings has a hardship fund. Your DD should definitely apply for it. That is not a lot of money in London - but she can, get a part time job? Even 6 hours a week or something.

@Seilla

First thing is for DD is to get a young person's railcard
Make sure they open a student bank account - most banks have cash or voucher incentives.
My son gets full loan and works 12 hours a week in a supermarket. He also gets PIP so with that he is quite comfortable.
I don't give him any money but send him off each term with a pack of sausages, burgers and pork steaks from the butchers. I also do him some home made freezer meals like chilli. So he has some decent meals for the first few weeks.

It doesn't matter what other people do. It sounds like they are both set up quite well and that you can't afford to be handing out money.

YANBU- they both have the full maintenance loan and can get part time work to supplement this. If they had less than the full loan there would be an expectation for you to top it up but you shouldn’t need to as they are both getting good amounts.

If you can save anything, just try and give them a bit of help when you can but I don’t think you should feel it necessary to give them a monthly amount when you’re on such a low income- that’s why they have qualified for the full maintenance loan. A lot of students who get help from parents only qualify for around half the maintenance loan and this is why they need extra help.

DD is going to be really far away and the trains are expensive

If you're near an airport, flying would be easier, the Metro goes straight to the airport in Newcastle.

I think if you've not got it, you can't give them it. Simple as that. I hope they enjoy themselves at University, if your DD wanted a part time job tell her to try the pubs near the university accommodation, they'll happily take someone that doesn't want to work during the holidays as they're a lot quieter then.

Do check with local parish councils / charities to see if there are any local educational grants available. There are a couple in our area. They're not for much but can be useful for equipment, books, that kind of thing. I think your twins would be good candidates as the expense of 2 at Uni same time can't be easy.

I wouldn't give them anything. What I might do, if I had anything spare, is to keep it by for 'just in case'. They have enough. Kids that know they have more to come or can just ask are not so careful with their money (why would they be?).

That way, if needs must, you have some put by. If it's never needed well that's something nice for you or for all of you at Christmas/graduation or whenever.

You've done a blinding job!

When I was at uni, about 20 years ago, I worked in a pub a couple of nights a week and got office temp work in the holidays. I’m sure there must be plenty of students whose parents can’t afford to subsidise them.

DD is London, we live in North Cumbria, for DS it's 2 trains, but not super expensive. DD is London and it's the Avanti mainline she will need which I think can be quite expensive.

When I went to uni in London my parents paid my tuition and rent and I had £400 a month from my student loan for everything else. No, they don’t need anymore money.

@Seilla

Sorry, I got them the wrong way round. 🙃

Sounds like they'll have plenty.

My only thought might be to even up their 'disposable' income a bit? Although living in London will be more expensive than Newcastle so I'm not sure how you would calculate what is fair. You can't give them what you don't have and it doesn't look like they will starve, just have to learn to budget.

If they’re getting the full loan, that’s fine.

Is the accommodation definitely for 9 months? Bear in mind that it’s often not for halls and will almost certainly not be for second/third year houses. We have had to pay £580 a month all summer on houses for each of my two at university ourselves as the student loans don’t come in till September and rent needs to be paid all year in private accommodation.

As they are getting full loans I think it’s fine not to give any.

My son earned 5k in summer 1 working full time and 3.7k summer 2 at an internship

After bills and food, I have about £800 left. They should have plenty. You sound like you've done a wonderful job getting them where they are.
I'd second care packages, rail cards and groceries. Oh and make sure dd has sanitary ware. That's one of the things I did without due to no money at university.

I'm not going to do this. I don't think it's fair, if they are getting more from me it will be the same, otherwise it will be "you give him money and not me".

Yes it's 40 weeks and up in June.

Sounds plenty to me OP.

DD takes her pill back to back and hasn't had a period in over a year ... no idea if it's healthy but she refuses to take the placebo pills because "who would have a period if they didn't have to"

They seem to have enough to survive on. If not, they need to get part time jobs.
My three dcs are at uni and all have part time jobs as they only receive the minimum loan.
Mine worked during the summer and have saved up some money

Btw your dd should take a coach if she needs to come home

DD may have more disposable income now but that's because she has a bigger loan so bigger debt. Her expenses will be much higher in that area.