Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

I think it's up to her if she wants to give it up. Don't force her to stay but if she wants to help her with strategies to say no to CFs.

I think it's a great opportunity to help her.

I suggest acting out some of the scenarios she's encountered and working out some assertive strategies to deal with them. For example, she could learn some polite stock phrases to deal with the tight customers so she's not left floundering for something to say.

I've trained a lot of newbies at customer service in my life. Some people can deal with horrible customers and some people find it soul destroying. You can learn to toughen up, of course. But I believe it's a natural gift for being able to handle nasty people. Some people are just not cut out for it.

Which is understandable because the general public can be borderline evil at times.

Great damage can be done by forcing people to remain in situations they find upsetting and that they do not yet possess the skills to cope with - and the 'yet' is everything.

She can build on these skills but from what you've described, she is not able to manage this specific environment: hospitals are very tough places where you're constantly dealing with the best and worst of people, usually on the best and worst days of their life. It is not for everyone.

I would let her get out as soon as possible with no shame. Then, I'd look for a much more sheltered job opportunity to help her rebuild her confidence, gain some self esteem, and to work on her skills.

Difficult one. You do learn a lot from shitty jobs. I think the hospital setting is important as you are never going to meet people on their best days.

I've trained lots of newbies too.
Has dd not got a line manager ?
In our situation I would step in immediately and defuse the situation - the crying child.
And assured dd (once the customer was out of earshot - that, dd had done the right thing and mum of said child was been ridiculous, was rude and she was ti forget all about it.
I'd also make sure she had some stock answers ready.

I think she needs to stick it out and learn some coping strategies- it’s the only way to mature and toughen up. I used to be a manager at a bar and have had customers threaten to do all sorts of violence. It’s made me much more resilient

A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”.

In that example, perhaps it would help your DD to think along the lines that the child is too young to know any better and the mum was probably embarrassed and trying to explain the tantrum.

I'm aware that not every rude customer can be 'reframed'.

She is 16 so presumably still at school. Does she need this job specifically or could she take the experience and find another shop job? I'd say it's up to her what she does and forcing her to remain if she is miserable won't do anything to build any resilience.

Can she speak to her manager about having a "change jar" at the till that people can drop their loose change into like a pay it forward jar? She should absolutely not be paying out of her own pocket but in a hospital I imagine that folk are just upset and having a genuine way to help them with their purchase would be a good thing.

Maybe a better life lesson than riding out a difficult experience for not much gain is to show her that she has control over which employment she chooses.
Retail and hospitality was a nightmare for me and no amount of stock phrases can prepare for the batshit crazy general public. I would never work in a public facing role because it's not worth the stress for me.
Suggest she find something else like a temping admin with an recruitment agency.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go.

I don’t think it’s your decision whether she quits or not. She is the one who should be able to decide and needs to accept any consequences (eg looking flaky to a future employer) as a result.

It’s not really for you or your husband to ‘let her quit’ - it’s up to her? If it’s making her miserable, i don’t think you should pressure her to stay.

I had an awful job with a vile boss (as an adult) and my mum openly laughed at me with her brother - ‘she wants to leave because she doesn’t like her boss 😂 - don’t we all!’ etc.

IMO it’s better for your dd to recognise when a job just isn’t worth it.

On the basis that there are very few jobs - and even fewer of them available to teenagers - which don’t involve interacting with people who will sometimes be unpleasant or pushy or try to bargain to get what they want, I think she’s going to be better served by both learning to be more assertive and developing the confidence to say things like “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to give discounts, but you can come back on X day when my manager will be here to ask them, if you like” - and then telling her manager why it’s been necessary to take this approach.

You can encourage her to quit, but what happens when similar things happen at her next part time job, and the next, on and on for all the jobs she has as a student until she’s in a position to choose a career?

I worked in a big retail store with awful hours and completely customer facing for 7 years after having my daughter not far off your daughter's age. No father, just us. No other choice.

I was signed off with stress multiple times, and by the end, I had a breakdown! I always thought I was a strong person, but some people are just not cut out to work with the general public in that kind of setting.

My self-worth and confidence were at rock bottom when I left.

It's a hard situation because you need to be able to "toughen up" to people's comments eventually, but if she is adamant that she can't do this, then maybe encourage her to look at other work options which are less customer orientated whilst she is still employed, and help her to build up her resilience whilst she is still there.

You could use this as an opportunity to teach her about getting a new job before leaving one that no longer suits her. To weigh up whether she could learn to deal with the unpleasant aspects of a job that is otherwise good. To use the experience to hone what she wants from her work life and what she will not tolerate.

That’s probably all a bit much given her age and as she is probably still in education as it’s a part time job. But a conversation along those lines might be very useful to her.

Help her to prepare her responses eg “I’m not authorised to do that. Would you like me to call my manager?”

Agree that it’s not your decision whether she quits or not, but I definitely think it’s worth chatting to her about how to deal with difficult people. Most jobs do involve dealing with the customers, clients, the general public, other businesses etc, and they can all be CF’s at times, it’s important that she learns how to cope with those kind of interactions and has experience in doing so.

It's a part time job she's already had for a few months when she's in education! Nobody's going to think she's flaky for having a few months at a job when she's 16 and in education.

I would tell her it’s her choice but I wouldn’t be upping her pocket money.

She needs to feel the loss of the money she used to earn.

It’s entirely her decision

I think the hospital setting is important, the customers could be going through all sorts. Not an excuse to be a dick but I don't think the mum was in the case of the little girl.

I walked out of a job on the second day when I was 17, working on dispense in a restaurant. Men kept trying to grope me on their way to the toilet so I'm not against quitting a shit job but jobs for teens were easier to come by then.

I'd leave it up to her but say you won't supplement her income.

I would let her quit.

The consequence is that she will have less money until she finds a job that suits her better.

Seems reasonable to me. At 16 she's not yet at the stage where she's responsible for paying her board and keep imo. Maybe in a couple of years. Jobs at 16 are about spending money and savings.

I shouldn’t have said “let”. More should I encourage her to stay. And hopefully teach her that life gives you obstacles but they can be overcome with a bit of effort.

That's what I'd be worried about. The constant stress of people being cruel to you is not trifling. It's not a failing at all to decide that you're better suited to other work.

Line manager is very hands off. Sits in a little office away from the shop for the most part. And is only there for half the day.