Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

Sounds awful. She should quit and find somewhere else that suits her better.

No future employee will ever need to know about this p/t job.

I agree - I love hospitality work and have done it on and off since I was 14! Some people are not cut out for it at all. The general public can indeed be evil and from personal experience, it gets no better the wealthier they are. I used to work in some very fancy places you'd have heard of and some of the guests were drunken dicks just like the broke drinkers in the local pub I worked in as a teenager

Some people can't stand it and some people can (even those who can don't do it forever though - I work in a secondary school now and it's significantly easier imo)

I don't think what the mum said was rude. It sounded factual . Up to your dd here if she wants to quit but sounds like very useful learning environment. Does she like the job. She needs to stop with giving her money for the cfs. Work on how she can say. Really good life skill. I've only just learnt in my 40s so teaching your teenage daughter that now be life changing. Work out phases you can say eg ..I'm not authorized to do that etc

The line manager should be way more proactive and supportive to your daughter. I suspect a lot of customers see her as an easy target due to her age. Does her line manager know about the customers wanting to pay less, for example? Can she talk to her?

I suggest she looks for another job. Encourage her to stay until she has another one lined up.

Also, encourage her to have a script. "The cost is £11.02, that's what you need to pay please. Staff cannot subsidise you from their own purse. Would you like to swap something or put an item back?".

Even if the mother was rude, that was a factual response. Nothing to get upset or embarrassed out. Your dd is sensitive. When she talks to you about her day, ask her what she could have done differently.

Will it matter in an hour, a day, a week or five years? If not eff it. Resilience can be learned. The general public are generally nice, 3% are rude, entitled arseholes. There will be awkward and challenging people and situations in every working environment or social interaction.

I don't think there are any benefits to forcing a 16 year old to continue in a job that makes her miserable. While it could toughen her up, it could also go the other way and lead to her dreading her job - which is the last thing you want.

If she was older and needed the income to survive, well, that would be different, but she's doesn't.

Nobody should stay in a job where they are unhappy, but she does need to learn how to deal with these things.

I was very shy as a child/teen, but it was doing bar work in my local pub that brought me out of my shell, as I had to speak to everyone and join in conversation with customers when the pub was quiet.

She needs to say no to every single person that asks for a discount, saying firmly, sorry the price is as marked, no discounts.

If asked to do something demeaning like remove chewing gum from a customers shoe, she needs to just say no. That is not her job, even if the customer picked it up in the shop.

Well the problem is, if she doesn't "toughen up",
then it's gonna be even more difficult when she reaches adulthood.
We were told as kids that nobody waits for us anywhere, we don't matter to anyone.
I took it as a challenge (definitely not a people pleaser) and made a good life for myself.
It was VERY hard. 45 yo.

This.
My DD worked in retail (did a BTech level 3 in retail management) and hated it. Customers were absolutely vile, especially during Covid, including screaming in her face about how useless she was. Her self esteem and confidence hit rock bottom.
She now works as a dog groomer and is so much happier.
OP - your dd doesn't have to stay where she's not happy. She will have learnt a lot, and can take that through to her next job. I wish her good luck.

I think this is the sort of thing that would provide some good answers to interview questions in future. She could grow confidence from it and learn to take no nonsense from cheeky fuckers.

Customer service can be brutal though. Tbh it made me hate the general public. She should get those skills and then get out. Applying for jobs while you still have a job is the best way to go.

I wouldn't force her to go. If anything it's taught her customer service is not for her and that she shouldn't stay in a situation that makes her unhappy. The behaviour of the public can be awful at the best of times for those of us that are used to it so for a 16 year old it will be too much, especially as they are more likely to be unpleasant to a youngster

I’ve stayed in part time jobs as a teen because my mum convinced me to. I could have got a better job somewhere else but she told me I would be better of showing I could last the distance. I regret it. She has experience now so she can look for a better place to work. A nice small cafe or restaurant for example. Or a shop.

this will sound like a drip feed. But I have spoken to dd and she recalled an incident where potentially a racist comment was made

Dd is half Indian. Can pass for white but after a holiday may look more full Indian.

She had a customer ask her to knock off a few pence and she held firm on saying ‘no’. This woman in her 60s who had been perfectly polite said “they never do” to another customer. Or something to that effect. Dd wasn’t sure but she wondered if they=Indian. She said something in her tone made her uncomfortable.

I'd start by teaching her some resilience strategies. If people ask for money off she needs to learn to say, "I'm not authorised to give discounts.' If someone says. 'Well you did before,' she can say, 'I know. And I ended up having to pay the shortfall out of my own wages, so lesson learned!'

If she upsets a child, she needs to use some CBT style self-compassion: Hospitals are stressful places. the mother was stressed - that;s why she snapped at me, the child is stressed because the mother is stressed. I didn't mean to upset her but I don't have children so I can't be expected to interact like an expert with them. I won't make the same mistake again, and now I will stop giving myself a hard time about it, even if that toddler is still glaring at me.'

"They" could just as easily be the people on the till.

I'd suggest she find another job. I did retail for years and put up with a lot of awful customers, but only stayed sane by laughing/complaining about them with colleagues afterwards, like a "we're all in it together" type thing.

If she doesn't have this sort of dynamic with colleagues then I can imagine it's a very lonely job for a teenager. When you're that age you want to work to make friends and have a bit of spare money.

Dd says this herself but she says something felt weird about the interaction

Surely "they" just means "the staff" in that situation?

I wouldn’t jump to they being racist other spin on it is they (shop workers in that store) never do so reassuring to your dc that she was correct to say no.
She really does sound like she’s really taking things to heart and overthinking so probably best to step away and either not work until she’s a little older or look for a none customer facing job.
Whats she hoping to do career wise? Wondering if hospital job was perhaps taken with a view to her personal statement for uni.

I wouldn’t encourage her to quit, no. Learning to deal with rude people is part of working life, and life in general. Mu usual advise to my dc is to think of the money.

When you work with people, particularly those experiencing stress or unwell arent always going to interact in the best way

The sooner DD realises that the better and to shake it off that it's not her.

I'm trying to think of what sort of place would look that open to bartering and at my local hospital the have an area where they sell knitted toys, blankets, baby hats,other trinkets and useful items for inpatients not sold by the on site M&S. This area looks a little like a car boot set up and like pricing could be up for negotiation. I wonder if that is the problem. Or if it happens very regularly perhaps in he past pricing was indeed up for discussion. Perhaps there is a solution DD could propose to her managers clearer pricing on items etc.

I would discuss with her some tactics about handling customers especially the money off and non job description jobs like the chewing gum example.
Support her in growing confidence about herself worth and have a set date to review 2-4 weeks and go from there

I was brought up to have confidence in my self and my self worth and that some times its ok to say enough. Fresh out of uni I ended up in a job where I experienced gender discrimination and was treated as a zoo animal. For the first 2 weeks I had employs coming to see if I was real as I was the first female lab user they had had. Then I was denied first aid because the company wasn't happy with the male first aid giving first aid to a female employee but they kindly let me use the mens showers to hose of the chemical. There were other health and safety no no's such as being forced to eat my lunch in the lab and generally any food in the lab is a no no.
It had taken months to find that job and I had nothing to job lined up. I am glad I had the confidence from my parents to take the leap. Interviewed for PhD 2 weeks later and got that and a waitressing job whilst I waited for it to start.
That job is now an amusing story about what women have to put up with in science. It would have involved working nights and I had no faith that the company would put my safety first.

Its character building to have a crappy job. It's character building to have to figure things out and how to do a job well without losing too much of yourself. So I would support her in problem solving the role and if that doesn't help support her in finding something else.

Why is she s people pleaser? That's the first thing she has to address. It's a terrible quality to have and unless she learns to stand up for herself, she's going to regret many times in her life. She's still on time to change that

Shes 16! She has all her life to work if she doesn't want to do it anymore then don't force her. What on earth is she really going to benefit working in a charity shop anyway?

let her be young and enjoy her life.