Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

Talking about building resilience is missing the point a bit unless she is planning to work in these roles indefinitely.

She is in FT education and will presumably go to an apprenticeship or university. If she was thinking of chucking in a proper first career job there would be a need to knuckle down. But a job like this is not forever and it’s not a hill to die on.

I certainly think she should give it a reasonable try and not quit after a few weeks out of a sense of pride and not letting others down. But I don’t see value in hammering away at a job which makes her really unhappy if she’s going to be leaving soon anyway. It just seems like self punishment for the sake of it.

She’s only 16 and from what you’ve said, has no current or forthcoming support from management. She isn’t going to get any help or training on how to deal with these situations. I think staying will do her more harm than good. She should be able to leave without any guilt.

Why is she a people pleaser? Quite often this is a stress response. She is “fawning”. And there will be a reason. Toughening her up without addressing why seems an odd approach.

The examples sound fairly mild and just need to explain a better way eg no I can’t waive the 5p would you like me to call a manager.
Is a compromise she stays until she finds a new pt job.
Any other customer facing role would be similar or worse.
Mine works at McDonald’s pt. It’s done her good as it’s made her realise how rude and ridiculous some of public are. Managers are very good though and back staff eg refusing service to rude customers etc.

@Dricol she needs to toughen up a bit!! once she gets into the real working world, she shouldnt be packing in her job just because the customers are a wee bit rude and begging!! how will she ever learn?

I've always encouraged my children not to quit things just because they're tough. Working in customer service roles while studying gave my shy DC2 much more confidence. DC3 has a p/t supermarket job while at uni. He's been called a cunt, and the same 'lovely' customer also threatened to kill him. The police were called that time. Luckily DC3 laughs it off.

I'd be encouraging her to stick with it, but look for something to replace it.

I'd advise her to speak to her manager. The manager won't support her if she doesn't know there is an issue (I know it is poor practice that the manager hasn't realised but the only way to change that is for dd to inform her!) I'd advise dd to focus on the recurring issues and ask how line manager deals with ppl asking for money off. If things don't improve then look elsewhere / quit. There is nothing to stop her looking for something better in the meantime.

I'd let your daughter leave the job she hates and find something she is more suited to. She clearly doesn't have the temperament for the job she's in at the hospital and would probably shine if she was doing something she enjoyed.

And if she failed to find the perfect little job, well there's a lesson for her, the grass isn't always greener. Harsh but true.

Can you teach her about 'work self'. This made a huge difference to me.

I was also very shy but the idea that you are not yourself but in a role was easier to deal with.

Then it's not here decision to say no, she is simply stating company policy and someone else's rules.

Customers are not unpleasant to her as an individual but to the role she is in.

It takes away a lot of the embarrassment factor.

Learning to behave in the way required of the job is a really important skill.

hmm in that case, I wouldn't try to persuade her to stay. Yes she needs to learn coping strategies but at 16 I think its a bit young for her to do it without on the job support. You really do need to be tough to do that for long.

@Thepartnersdesk that's a great way to put it

I’d also reassure her she’s 16 and learning. No one expects perfection. It was nice she tried to help the child. Anything else practice a few phrases I can’t that’s not policy or would you like me to get manager.

I would encourage her to stay. None of those things sound particularly bad and she does need to learn some resilience. Can you encourage her to try and approach it with some humour? It's not like she's encountering any abuse or anything and all PT jobs have their downsides.

I think that she's too young for this particular role. It needs someone with enough life experience to stand up to CFs.
I won't build resilience. It will do the opposite.

Just let her leave, life is too short and she gave it a good go . The Xmas temp jobs will be up soon so she can apply somewhere else.

She’s 16. She shouldn’t be having to deal with assholes every day. She can find another job where at least if she is asshole fighting, she has a visible manager who will step in.

I kinda wish we had a society where, rather than have to teach children to deal with rude, 😉obnoxious adults, those adults would stop being so obnoxious

Does she have colleagues she can chat to. So strategies like having a giggle with colleagues after can help. When someone has been a real prat they all seem to bond over it where dc is (shouting doesn’t get you 20 McNuggets as a meal…)

Where is her manager?

Why is your DD not being helped with strategies for tight customers? Or are there more experienced staff on hand?

Please get her out of there OP, I worked in various retail & hospitality jobs since I was 16 and in most of them was spoken to really poorly mainly by colleagues but sometimes customers. I think the result was in later years it took me ages when I was in my graduate job in my 20s to realise coworkers were being out of line which meant I stayed in toxic workplaces for far longer than I should’ve.

I remember one manager in NEXT was being so rude to me that a pair of customers even intervened and said it was disgusting the way she was speaking to me. This was just after I’d finished my masters and before my first graduate job.

She is still young, encourage her to do something more fun and social instead maybe which will bring out more confidence in her, then maybe in a couple of years she can try again in retail if that’s what she wants.

Not everyone is cut out for retail/customer service even as adults let alone teens.

Customer service isn’t for everyone, not every job requires it. She should leave and find something she might be more suited to for now, sweeping up/making drinks etc in a hair salon? Where she can interact with people but not so directly? I would have been your daughter and being forced to stay would have not gone well, my confidence grew massively with age and going to uni. She’s still so young, please don’t teach her she has to stay in a situation where she’s clearly finding it too much and is uncomfortable and unsupported

How long is she bern there? How many hours per week?

i would encourage her to give it a few more weeks/month and decide later. Sometimes when things have gone wrong you feel like quitting but then you forget about it. She is still young. It is hard ti build a tough skin when you are sensitive but the sooner she learns the better.

She probably takes things to heart other people just don’t care.

She needs to try to separate work and don’t let it affect her too much; it is just a job.

I'd let her quit. Is it worth making her unhappy just so she's no longer a people pleaser, and tbh if that's her personality she's not going to change.
Customers can be rude and quite nasty and in a hospital setting it's probably even worse as some will be in pain or worried/stressed.
She's tried it, she didn't like it. I'm not really sure why her quitting is up to you or your DH. It's your DD who's affected it by it and she doesn't want to do it anymore. That should be the end of it.

I think she should leave .My friend worked in the charity shop ,and honestly the nerve of some people!wanting stuff for nothing practically! Asking for "something nice or particular" to be "kept by" for when they were" next in". Small items disappearing ,people wanting refunds ! She can do better ,coffee shops , Christmas temp jobs and so on

She should leave! She’s 16, what’s the point of staying in a shitty customer service job where adults treat you like scum on their shoe. It might be an incentive to stay if she worked with a nice team or had a supportive manager but obviously she doesn’t. I had loads of jobs as a teenager, went with whatever suited me best/got me the most tips/had the nicest shift mates. When I went to uni I had experience in lots of different things and easily found a job in my uni town.

I think the lesson in finding something better/going places with your CV/prepping for interview/meeting new colleagues will be more valuable than the lesson of staying put ‘because you have to toughen up’.