Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

I think knowing your own boundaries and feeling able to enforce them is an incredibly important lesson at her age. She has given it a very good go and doesn’t think it is for her, it is causing her distress and it sounds like the employer is unsupportive. I would be supporting my daughter’s decision.

Just to clarify one point OP, you said that the line manager is “hands off”, often in the back room, not on the shop floor and is only there half the day. How often is your 16 year old daughter left by herself in a shop in the hospital? Finding it difficult to deal with unpleasant/difficult customers when there is support available is one thing. Trying to do it when there is no one available to support you is something else entirely and is inappropriate for a 16 year old.

@Dricol DS had a job selling/renewing car insurance as a teen before he found his chosen field-He said it was incredibly stressful- he got nosebleeds from stress, and said people swearing in your ears all day, or being listened in on by line managers.

He advised a teenager like him who was clobbered by high insurance quotes to go to another company who was better value at that time for teenaged drivers.

He was being listened in on..OOPS!

He said that job was awful, but it did teach him a lot about dealing with people.

Sad for your daughter having to deal with the tight customers. As others have said, maybe ask the customer if she should call her manager if they're wanting 5p off an item ... in my experience it's the people with lots of money who try to get out of the odd 5p here and there. Alternatively she could just say 'it's two pounds and five pence' and then just wait. Or say 'it's a charity - we can take overpayments but not underpayments'. Good luck, whatever she decides.

I would never encourage anybody to quit without a plan. Any job.
As an adult I'd say stick it out till she gets something new.
As a child in education I'd still encourage her to make a plan, even if that is to quit now to free up her time for seeking an alternative.

I don't think people can be 'toughened-up' - you're either the type of person who can deal with arsy customers or not. She's only 16 and I wouldn't want her to be doing a job that is causing stress. I'm sure she'll find something which suits her better.

It's been in the news the past day or so about theft from shops and how the staff can't do anything as it's just so prevalent... I was recently in Boots and suddenly heard a woman's voice bellowing a few times Get out of this shop now! It was a middle-aged assistant who stood at the end of the aisle shouting at the young man, a homeless looking-type, who did as he was told and legged-it. Overhearing her conversations this guy was recognised by her as one of their regular thieves.

I bet when she was 16 she would have done the same! I couldn't have - we're all different, no matter what age.

That does sound difficult for a 16 year old.
She is being borderline harassed by customers.
I think she should definitely be looking for another job.
Shop work shouldn't involved paying towards customers items because of harassment by them.
Management sounds lazy and useless.

I'll be honest and say that none of those examples sound especially rude or difficult and it sounds like your daughter might really struggle with people pleasing and or insecurity if she is finding those things to induce that much anxiety. It's likely that she will encounter similar experiences in any role. For example, working in an office for a grumpy manager who tries to push her into unpaid overtime or something like that. It won't benefit her to move jobs. What she needs is to find her confidence and her voice. I definitely think talking through those and other scenarios to help her. The woman with the child was a bit rude in not saying thank you but your dd didn't do anything wrong. The cf customers wanting money off think they can do that because its a charity. Just teach her to say "sorry I'm not allowed to".

It was a child's toy syringe

There are worse examples - asked to pick off chewing gum off a customer’s shoe. I think I was trying to highlight the frequency. Given the doctor instrument set thing was only yesterday. And that the asking for money off is close to every other shift if not all.

Sadly we have tried to protect her - private junior school, grammar school for seniors. We tried to readdress the balance with clubs and volunteering. But Dd is a sensitive soul. Her younger sister is feisty and gives as good as she gets.

I’d let her quit. At 16 I had a job in a taxi office, I quit one night and got my dad to go round there and say I didn’t want to work anymore. Thankfully my dad never questioned me and just went as the reality was the owner had SA me the night before. Obviously completely different but if she hates it I’d let her quit. My DD is 16 and is so shy and low in confidence so she would absolutely hate it. I don’t think that it would help build resilience by putting up with people treating you badly

Teach her some key phrases such as I’m sorry it’s company policy etc

Having worked in retail I would let her quit. Far too many customers are rude, ignorant arseholes and she will be better off out of that job.

She is 16. I’d let her quit and when she is ready she can find something she is more suited to. Being put in situations like this doesn’t always ‘toughen’ someone up. It can make them feel even worse about themselves and doesn’t help their self esteem. There are plenty of ways that can help someone develop their skills which doesn’t involve serving a bunch of rude and entitled people.

I would encourage her to look for something new. I was brought up to 'never quit' and it meant I ended up in a job with the worst boss ever (won't derail the thread) and I was at the point where I was crying every day on the way to work and feeling utterly miserable. It isn't worth it. At her age it should be challenging enough for her to grow, but not at the point where she despises it. It doesn't even need to go on her CV if there's a concern of the short amount of time she was there. She's 16. She should be enjoying life.
I worked in a fast food place at 16 and absolutely loved it.
As pp have said in a hospital she's seeing people who may be having their worst, most stressful days. She's given it a go, she hates it, encourage her to find something new.

Presumably this is a part time job before she goes back to college / school? Or was the plan to keep working alongside college? What's the situation with regards pocket money / wages etc?

Ultimately if she's really unhappy, and it was a long term plan, support her to look for something before she leaves.

If it was just a summer holiday thing, well it's only a few weeks early

Oh come on. You are hardly the finished article aged 16. So much growth to come! I am on the shy side and was painfully shy in my early teens so it’s a bit simplistic to say I have let her down.

Her sister (only a 18 months younger) is a firecracker and was raised exactly the same way

I'd take no notice of that comment. It was uncalled for.
And I don't think this job will toughen her up- for some people that's the case, for others they just end up depressed and demoralised.

Might be worth trying some strategies for her to gain confidence but she may simply not be suited to the environment she is in.
Build in the positives she has gained/demonstrated from the experience and look for an alternative.

OP,
You should ignore posters like @PolitePearlMoose they don't want to give advice they just want to put the boot in. Unfortuanately that's how some people get their kicks.

But Dd is a sensitive soul. Her younger sister is feisty and gives as good as she gets

That's exactly it. Some people have that feistiness and some people don't. It's just one of those things.

Of course it's important to learn to stand up for yourself. But it's also important to know when something isn't for you. Recognising when you're on a hiding to nothing is a life skill.

Id encourage her to look for other jobs first, it will look a lot better when applying (yes, even at 16) if she is currently employed. It will also teach her that in life, you need a plan b before you give up plan a. If it becomes unbearable while she's actively looking, of course she can hand her notice in but she must have some applications in first.

Encourage her to try and stick it out until she finds a new job. But she does need to toughen up a bit, and you can help her with scenarios and how to react.

I thought you were going to say she was dealing with shoplifters, refusing sales, unsubstantiated complaints, entitled customers etc.

The issues you described are just every day customers & something you just need to learn to deal with. She needs to follow the shop policy if that's to not negotiate on price (some charity shops do so customers may try it on) if they can't afford the shop they need to remove items.

The child/mother don't sound rude just maybe not on best manners & the best advice is to never criticize a child/ imply any criticism. If the mothers at a hospital with a child then they are going to be stressed & preoccupied. They are unlikely to be there for fun. It's human nature for a parent to defend their children.

The best advice I can give & I've worked in retail for many years is just to be really polite to everyone, if they are being rude then being polite back removes some of the heat from the interaction. At the same time you need a thick skin & ignore what people say. Follow the shops policy and if the customer refuses then refer that to the manager.

Customer service skills are one of life's hard lessons but are really important for any public facing roles not just retail. I think a lot of professionals would benefit from customer service skills training especially in health care - doctors, nurses etc, public services eg police.
Depending on what she wants to do in the future she could learn some really valuable skills & maturity & it will certainly help with interviews in the future.

Encourage her to walk away from any situation that isn't good for her.
Feeling upset is not good.
Subsidising customers with her own money isn't good.
Feeling under pressure isn't good.
She's sixteen. Let her learn how to protect herself from harm by walking away.

Knowing when a job is right for you and when to move on is a key skill in the world of work. But I wouldn't be rescuing her and filling in the financial gap that her lost income creates (unless she went into voluntary work then I would if I could afford to).

However, if it was my DD Id be going through scenarios with her and teaching/training her on the life skills she hasn't developed yet on how to work in customer service and interact with people young and old in the workplace. Learning what is and isn't appropriate in the workplace and training for it is important when very young and if she isn't getting that from her colleagues as she's expected to use her own judgement I'd fill that gap.