Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

I would encourage her to find a new job. One with a more involved manager and not charity sector may stop people asking her for money off. Worry is that if she quits she will be nervous to start again elsewhere.

If she works in a busier place there will be more support for her if any awkward questions. Either to vent or to learn how to reply when others deal with various problems.

Hmm. On one hand- it's a brilliant thing for a teenager to have a part time job.

On the other hand- I am the person in my job who deals with the difficult people; and I'm good at it. However, the reason I am good at it is I'm not upset that they call me names or speak to me like I'm an idiot. Once the call is finished, I put the phone down and move onto the next job. It sounds like it really bothers your daughter.

I think some people who haven't worked in customer based jobs have no idea how rude people can be. I also have a supportive manager- and that really makes all the difference. If it was me, I would encourage her to look for another job which is a better fit. And no, working for a charity doesn't mean she needs to top up the takings- that is something you can speak to her about.

OP I have some sympathy but I do think it is character-forming for them to work in front-facing customer roles. Both my DDs worked in an ice cream shop from just before their 16th birthday until going to uni. At 18, DD2 managed the place whilst the owner was away. However, unlike your DD, the husband of the owner had no problem in putting customers in their place and defending the staff. The shop has been sold and no longer exists now, but the Trip Advisor reviews of his "rudeness" are still there. As an example, prior to Covid, the shop was cash only. There were large signs in the windows, above and below the flavours of ice cream and by the till. Yet the number of times customers swore at the staff because they couldn't pay by card was immense. DDs dealt with it by having a bet how many would come in each day and seeing who was closer.

DD2 is still working in a local cafe and regales us with tales of some of the more moronic and entitled behaviour of customers. However, she has just landed her first graduate role and said that her experience in the cafe was brilliant for her interview when they asked her to give examples, such as give an example when you worked together with others to retrieve a difficult situation. She just thought of some of the miserable sods she serves and came up with an anecdote. Can the OP's DD think about noting down things that have gone well and saving them up for posterity?

Perhaps a non customer facing role would suit her better? We're not all equipped to deal with the general public.

The kid crying and pointing sounds a right pita.

Could you look into a course or counselling or similar that will teach assertiveness for your daughter? Assertiveness will help her in all careers in the future.

She doesn’t have to stay in a job she doesn’t like and retail is brutal at times customers can be awful.

Yes I know

Read OP's post

"Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real."

I wouldn't advise a daughter of mine to pick up a syringe!

I think this is a good time to teach some valuable life advice.

One thing that has stuck with me is "never leave a job for a negative reason". So leave because there is something better - not because you don't like the job. Find a better job, and move on. Don't just quit because it's hard.

The examples you've given are quite normal for customer service. (Although I don't understand the issue with the child or why your DD would have thought the child was carrying medical equipment. And yes, I'd have probably said that maybe she could be a bit more playful with children in future?)

I think that the realities of customer service are very difficult but are useful experience for young people. BUT if she hates it - find another job before quitting.

Exactly. It's consequence free in that respect.

She might be happier in a customer service role with more coworkers. She's alone so has no comradery or back up from either fellow staff or an active manager who's on the floor. Then she could gain the skills you want but hopefully be less miserable.

I'm with those who suggest finding another job.

The ability to recognise a shit job and get the hell out of there, if you can afford it, is a very useful life skill. Handing in your notice is a life skill- it's nerve wracking to do but the freedom and power is amazing (with a frisson of fuuuuck if you have nowhere lined up to go next).

My advice to school children and students seeing practice with us always includes : about their first job (well any, but especially the first as you've nothing to compare it to) : if you don't like it, and you can't change it, then leave. Just leave. Don't waste valuable months or years of your life trying to learn to smile as you swallow down bites of the shit sandwich.

If she needs to work a notice period, or needs time to organise the next job before she leaves this one, then some strategies for the most common problems..so the knocking money off:

• a little spare change bowl as suggested by a PP is a good idea. If the bowl is empty: oh dear too bad no previous customers donated this week, no discount for you, lady
• Can she get the staff who price items to price everything to the nearest 50p or even 20p, and the bigger better stuff to the nearest £1? Stops a couple of items bought together ending up an apparently piffling amount over the even pound.
• "I don't set the prices and have no authority at all now to offer discount to anyone" is the line I use when people are frothing at me. I don't offer to get the manager- my line manager has no authority in this regard either.
• old style "PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR DISCOUNT AS REFUSAL OFTEN OFFENDS" notice near the till that she can point to if people are huffing and arguing. I never used to see the point of the last 4 words of that sign but actually now I do: it's code for "you're not the only tightarse chancer to want discount you know- the answer is a blanket no to all.
• other phrases I have used are "It's the same for everyone" (when they are complaining about being on benefits or a pensioner or "on a fixed income" (???)); "God loves a trier but he hates a chancer " if I think I can get away with it to the flirty, nod and a wink, "you'll do me a deal luv" fellas if they're not too horrible; or very,very rarely, if they are an absolute horrible arsehole and haven't accepted the polite explanation- a cold stare and "This isn't Nutts' Corner* Market . The price is the price. We do not deal. " then silence. Whereupon they either pay up and shut up or stomp off in a huff- who cares.

*a large weekend market and car boot sale. Substitute in your local one, or just "flea market" if need be.

Blimey. She's 16. She doesn't need to toughen up yet, she's got a lifetime of shitty jobs and work colleagues in front of her. I'm 58 and I wouldn't want to put up with being treated like shit.

She is young. Dont let her be miserable. Try find new job more suited to her and praise her for recognising that this job isn’t for her!

Becoming numb to being talked to like crap is not "toughening up". Its being groomed to be used to spending your life being talked to like crap.

The ability to recognise a shit job and get the hell out of there, if you can afford it, is a very useful life skill.

Great point.

"One thing that has stuck with me is "never leave "a job for a negative reason". So leave because there is something better - not because you don't like the job. Find a better job, and move on. Don't just quit because it's hard."

To each their own. I, my husband and various friends have quit jobs with no new job lined up, in various sectors, because of some or a mixture of the following reasons : both the boss and only other colleague were depressed (verging on suicidal) and the company itself was spiralling downwards; sectarian...unpleasantness from clients and general life in the "wrong" area to have a southern accent and numberplate; ridiculous rota and workload stacked on one set of shoulders, Buckeroo style, to the point of danger; loneliness due to working in one crap branch, alone, with an absentee boss in a job that was going nowhere; being overfaced with a volume and difficulty of work that might have been ok for an experienced person, or a newbie with tons of mentorship, but the newbie was just left alone to sink.
In each case having no job was better than working that job. In my own case I've only left one job with nothing to go to, but it was a really shit job and I am so so glad I did.

I'd normally agree she should leave an awful job but the examples you've given are very minor and I think she'll gain a lot more from learning how to say no to a discount than from leaving.

By all means look for a different job, maybe one with more people her age so they support each other and laugh about these things, but don't reinforce that a child having a tantrum is her problem.

you'll never, ever overcome the great british public.

customer service sucks.

she's done her time.

let her get out before the old men get their willies out in front of her.

"Becoming numb to being talked to like crap is not "toughening up". Its being groomed to be used to spending your life being talked to like crap."

This +++++++
If more young women became used to thinking , "actually fuck this I'm outta here" in jobs or relationships where they are treated like crap then the world would be a better place

If I ruled the world I would make it compulsory for everyone to do a year in customer service. Like a conscription.

We shouldn’t be saying that people in customer service need to toughen up, we need to be giving out the lesson that abusing people who are trying to help you will not be tolerated.

I’ve worked in customer service environments for years, in call centres, and now I work in a digital webchat team. And the one thing I have consistently noticed is that it is usually people who are in the wrong but feel entitled who are the most horrible. While people who have genuine complaints are generally perfectly reasonable, even though they’re upset, and will take the time for you to resolve their issue, which we usually do.

I have received death threats, threats against my family, threats to find out where I live and what the person was going to do to me once he found me. I’ve taken calls/chats where people have threatened to bomb/burn down our buildings, and not one of those people had any kind of complaint that they needed to get that upset.

This excuse that people so often put out to justify awful behaviour that “you don’t know what’s going on in their life” just isn’t good enough. Nobody has the right to take out their own frustrations on innocent people who didn’t ask to be shouted and sworn at. If things are that bad for you that you can’t control your temper in public then stay home.

At 16 if your DD isn’t cut out for that, and she shouldn’t be told to toughen up at 16 so as to pander to entitled adults who should know better, then she needs to walk away. It’s only a part time job. She has a lifetime to find a job which works for her, and in the meantime there will be some shit jobs, there always are. But she doesn’t need to start learning that lesson at 16.

Where do you work @Dricol ? Would you be happy being spoken to like your dd is?

Exactly.

I have received death threats, threats against my family, threats to find out where I live and what the person was going to do to me once he found me. I’ve taken calls/chats where people have threatened to bomb/burn down our buildings, and not one of those people had any kind of complaint that they needed to get that upset

I've had most of that from customers as well. The worst one was a man who told me that he hoped I was either barren or that any children I had would be taken into care.

I don't think some people realise the depths of spite some people will go to. This kind of work is absolutely not for everyone.

Well perhaps the OP would be happy for her dd to go into that line of work.

I'd rather my own dd was on benefits with no job than have to be spoken to like that consistently. Why on earth do you do it?

I've worked in customer facing roles and whilst most people are lovely, some are complete gits. It can be very upsetting, particularly if you're quite young and not practised in saying 'no'.

I'd suggest she gives it a bit longer to try to see if she can build up a bit of assertiveness. I wouldn't do it myself now but that's because I tend to tell annoying people to fuck off as I can't be bothered with them.