Dd wants to stop working because of rude customers

[Dricol]

Dd (16) is a lovely girl, hates confrontation and is a people pleaser. She has had a part time job for a few months. Enjoys it for the most part but really struggles with rude customers. So much so she now wants to quit. Dh is okay with this but I’m hoping these experiences will toughen her up.

For example, yesterday she had a less than perfect experience but nothing to get upset over. A child had dropped a plastic toy that looks like a doctor’s instrument set. Dd rushed over to help pick up as she thought it was real and said something like “oh phew, I thought it was real.” Which made the 5 or 6 year old child burst out crying and the mother saying something like “well it is to her”. Apparently this child cried for 20 minutes and kept pointing at her. Anyway this upset dd. She says her cheeks were burning red the entire time they were sat in the shop. Her place of work is in a hospital.

She often has people asking her to let her off money that goes over whole pounds. We found out she was eventually saying yes and the putting in 5p/2p from her own purse! It’s a charity so dd felt obliged and felt awkward as some adults were really pushing her to the point she decribed it as “borderline begging”. For the sake of pence. She said it shocks her how tight some of the customers are.

Anyway, should we let her quit because the experience can occasionally be unpleasant. I’m against it. Dh thinks she’s given it a go. We’re proud she has been able to get up very early, transport herself to work and just generally get on with everything with minimal fuss.

I'm conflicted as I would love her to address her people pleasing ways.

Addressing her people pleasing ways by trying to make the decision for her to suit your wants is counter productive. She's tried this job, she doesn't like it and she's communicated this to you - so quitting is fair. She's still a kid really, she can learn more hard lessons as she grows, I wouldn't be making her do something that she's told you she doesn't want to do.

Not a good fit for your DD. She should leave the job and explore other setups. There are so many other environments out there and she one day she will find the one that best suits her personality.
In an office or outdoor setting etc.

Let her quit.
sounds awful.

I was prepared to say that rude customers can be really damaging but your examples pale in comparison to what I experienced at that age and honestly the one about the money - she has an easy out, she doesn't have the authority to reduce the price, it is what it is, pay it or don't purchase the item.
She needs to learn to let things that don't matter go.
For context, at my job at 17 I was groped when bending over stocking shelves, and called a 'stupid fucking bitch' to my face by a man because we didn't have the item he wanted in stock in the packet size he wanted and he didn't believe we didn't have it out the back.
I was also very shy and people pleasing and sometimes used to cry driving to work because it was so upsetting but I learnt that these people are crazy idiots and I needed to not let it get to me.

Edited to add: I don't think she should stay in a terrible situation, but it seems more like she doesn't know how to respond to customers being a bit difficult, so maybe you could help her think of things to say so she doesn't panic on the spot. Try to problem solve specific issues and see if that helps her feel more confident.
Also, I grew up in a financially unstable household so if I didn't make the money myself, I didn't have any to spend.
Your daughters situation might be a little less necessary.

I would not be encouraging her to quit or, even agreeing with it. Ultimately, it's her decision, but I would expect her to find a new job and I wouldn't be giving her money.

I think it's a real shame that your husband doesn't see the value in trying to teach your daughter resiliency. The real world will not handle your daughter with kid gloves, and she is going to have to learn to deal with unpleasant people no matter what she does.

Just off topic...surely she wouldn't be picking up a dropped syringe (if that was the medical instrument you were implying) ???

I also think that people are not at their best in a hospital/medical environment...usually stressed because they or someone they love are ill.

Maybe a different coffee shop would be preferable

As a general rule I am a proponent of encouraging people to stick things out and not quit too easily but it’s clearly never going to be a long term option for her. As long as she’s given it a reasonable chance.

I would be inclined to treat it as a cautionary tale along the lines of “if you don’t get good exam results you could be stuck in a job like this.”

As much as I think she should quit if she hates it, and working with the public can be a nightmare (I had a shop job at 16 too) those sound like very minor incidents of the sort she is going to need to learn to cope with in order to function as a young adult. Would she be open to giving it another go? Maybe you can suggest some strategies or responses she could use and practice modelling assertiveness with CF customers with her?

Giving up is a brilliant coping strategy though. I think being able to give up on things is a good skill.

I always let my kids give up on things if they wanted to and they've all turned out to be responsible and hard working adults. If they made a commitment to do something such as a sport then they would see out their commitment but after that I was happy for them to drop things. Funnily enough they all continue with sports/activities that that they did as kids.

I have done a lot of volunteer work over the years but I only do things I enjoy. I've been doing my last job one day a week for the last ten years and that's because I love doing it. It's in the charities interest that I enjoy what I do.

There will be something out there that the OPs daughter actually enjoys so it's much better that she finds what it is rather than doing something she doesn't like.

Ah this could have been me! I would never say boo to a goose at that age and my parents always just let me quit everything, as such I quit absolutely everything when the going got tough and I'm now 33 and only grew out of it in my mid 20s! Sometimes you have to toughen up.

Having done billions of shit jobs I think knowing when to give up on one is a brilliant skill to have. You could have a conversation with her about whether it definitely IS time to give up though.

Up to her ultimately, but generally, in a nice way, she needs to toughen up. She’s going to meet even worse people in her lifetime and this role will teach her a lot generally.

People can be utter hateful dicks and having worked in customer facing roles since I was 16, I can honestly say people seem to be worse now and everyone I know who works in the same or similar industries who are over about 25 (and many under) agree.

She’s 16, I would say quit and find another role. The general public can be rude to deal with and at 16 she doesn’t have the skills and life experience to deal with it

The general public can be absolute dicks to people in a service role. I’d be reassuring (though I’m not sure that’s the right word..) her that their awful behaviour is not directed personally at her, rather these customers are showing their own lack of manners, and their general dehumanisation of people in this role.

I’d ask her not to let them affect the life experimience she’ll gain from doing ths, her cv benefits and earnings and to try to develop those coping strategies you mentioned.
ùi’d also encourage her to take this to her managers, they could be helping her with some more support, even if it is a charity xx

Honestly I think it sounds like just a normal work environment. Of course it shouldn’t be like that, but most people these days are pretty rude to shop or leisure staff.

I’d encourage her to stay. In life, she’s going to come across this type of person all the time and she’s much better off learning to deal with it now.

Your poor daughter! Is she asking for help from her employers? Part of developing resilience and building the necessary skills to stand up for yourself is being able to ask for help. If she has done this, and still finds it hard, I’d support her decision to leave and find something more suitable for how she is right now. She’ll still have learned from the experience, but I think it’s important you support her and her valid choices.

I don't think you'll get a definitive answer on here. I've done lots of retail and associated jobs. People can be twats. But it gave me great people management skills when I went into teaching.

Lots of my kids in school work in retail.i hear all about it! They have to deal with lots of arseholes, but the majority of them just shrug it off, as long as the money keeps coming.

i think, having put up with crap at work,
to suggest she leaves is empowering for her.
she is young to be on customer service though

A classic snide and nasty Mumsnet response 🫥.

Don't worry OP not everyone believes you, as a mother, are entirely responsible for every part of your daughter's personality.

Let her quit. Support her in finding a role that suits her skill set. Being miserable at work is not good for anyone!
There are plenty of jobs which are not customer facing.

Talk to her about what she wants to do, and the implications for leaving (no pay coming in) because this is the real world and there are consequences to all actions. But now is the time to do it - while you are there to support her and help her find a path which she can thrive in.

The general public sucks to work with. I used to work at McDonald's before starting my PhD. So many people look down on you for working there, which is ridiculous as half the staff were university students! The worst were middle class middle aged women, I have to say!

There are life lessons in sticking it out, but also, maybe more valuable life lessons in looking for something better. She's very young - is she likely to stay in education until degree level? Talk about what kind of part time jobs much suit her better. Or if she's likely to start full time work in a couple of years talk about that. Now is a good time (with a job on her cv) to look at other options, maybe with less stressed customers (people at hospital are understandably often caught up in their own problems) or without customer interaction.