Can’t make a decision on taking his name

[PoptartBarry]

Name change for this one (ha!)

I am getting married in one week and I still can’t make up my mind about changing my name. It’s driving me a bit mad so I want your opinions.

Have any of you changed your name and regretted it? Have any of you regretted NOT changing your name?

My surname is ‘foreign’ to English speakers, long and tricky for English speakers to pronounce so I’m not considering a double barrel. It would be too much!

Does anyone keep their maiden name at work and use their ‘married’ name in their private life? How do you feel about it now?

YABU = stop overthinking and change the name!

YANBU = no way, keep your own name!

Would love to hear your lived experiences.

I spent ages thinking about this too, in the end decided to double-barrel and glad I did. Well, my options were keep my name or double-barrel - would never have considered just using his surname.

My surname is foreign too but not difficult to pronounce and not that long. DH decided to do the same so we are Mr/Ms His Surname-My Surname. That way round just because we thought it sounded better. It's 2 Syllables-4 Syllables - so fairly long together but I like it. It's never caused any problems, we have been married a decade now and have two kids.

I never wanted to change mine, but wanted any children to have the same. Considered db it but:
husband-maiden sounded weird
maiden-husband would get shortened to maiden (esp as I'm a teacher) and I didn't want to sound like I'm married to my dad.

Didn't have a middle name so used maiden name as one instead.

You can change it whenever you like, doesn't have to be right when you get married. Just make a deed poll (free, search gov.uk) and send it to passport, dvla office etc

I didn't change mine. I was undecided at the time so held off. It's 2.5 years on and I'm now quite comfortable that I didn't change it. The way I looked at it was that I could change my name any time after the wedding if I decided to go for it but that it would be more of a headache to do it straight away then change it back if I regretted it. For me I just didn't feel like Mrs Husband's Name so it didn't make sense to change.

I kept my name and our kids have my name. DH actually changed his name in his first marriage to one of her family names. I wasn't using that name and my kids weren't going to either! We discussed him taking my name and for various good reasons he wanted to stick with that name.

I would have preferred he took my name or another name entirely rather than still be linked to his first marriage by name but that was never happening.

I didn't have any brothers. My sister did keep our not so nice surname when she married because she didn't like her DH's name either.

I’ve always said I’d change my name, my mum gave me her maiden name when I was born. She remarried and now has a different surname and my dad obviously has his surname, so I’m stuck with my Paternal Grandfathers name and I’ve never even met him! (I suppose I could always change to my lovely dads surname, but its a hassle I cba for , especially if I get married one day)

I’d say don’t rush to change it OP, leave it a while and see how you feel.

I haven't changed mine, been married 2.5 years and happy with my decision. I couldn't be bothered with the admin, and it just felt weird to change my identify. We're having a baby now and baby will have his surname as it's more interesting and unique, and linked to lots of his family local to where we live. You know you don't have to decide now though? It doesn't have anything to do with the wedding, you would do it separately at any point afterwards.

I didn't take DHs name when we married last year and haven't regretted it for a second

I did change my name but not straight away, I did it a few years into the marriage (once passport/driving licence were due to expire) so you don’t need to decide now OP.

I would caution against using 2 names though - it’s becoming increasingly difficult in an automated world when names don’t match. Our family name is very long and we use an abbreviated version day to day, including work. I’ve had a few work events where I have to show ID and it’s caused a few issues - although I have been able to explain as part of the name does appear on the ID. I’m not sure someone would have been allowed in to these secure areas if, say, they were registered under a maiden name, ID was under a married name (or vice versa) and they didn’t have a marriage certificate to bridge the gap (as it’s not something that people tend to carry around!).

I really didn't want to change mine, felt very much apart of my identity. I've only started changing it now after a year married. I've kept my maiden name for work- far too complicated to change and then changed it for everything else as I really wanted the same name as our son.

I'm always amazed at how many women hate their fathers but must obviously love their fils!
Here's a thought, you hate the connection with your father or your name is tricky to spell just change it when you're 18, you don't have to wait for another man to come along to give you permission! 🤣

I must say, I am very surprised at how many people are averse to taking their husband's name on here. I've been married almost 20 years and changed my name. I love being Mrs ... and the fact that our children all have the same name, I like the family unit. I can't say I know of many people in real life who don't change their name. For me, its not a bad thing to have your husband's name. If you keep double barrelling as you have children...where does it end? I'm not against people who don't change their name and I know different families have different circumstances, but I wanted to put a vote out for "it's nice to have my husbands name'

I didn't change mine and have no regrets at all. If you can't decide, keep your maiden name and think about it again a year after marriage.
Why do you have to change your name straight away?

You would be a "family unit" regardless of your name.🤔 You can be Mrs regardless too. There is no law saying you need to change your name to do that.

I fell sorry for women who change their names. Makes me assume the man is a misogynist and the woman is a stepford wife.

Wouldn't it have been just as nice for him to be Mr Hermione457, and for your family unit to have your name?

Anyway, most people on this thread have taken their husband's name, so I wouldn't worry about the collapse of the patriarchy just yet.

Yes, I am aware of that too, but I like being Mrs "husband's surname" and being known as the "surnames". I'm not against people who don't do this and understand different dynamics, but I was just pointing out that I like this and it doesn't have to been seen as a bad thing 😊.

I’ve been married for a long time. Initially tried to keep my name, but it was complicated and I gave in. I’ve regretted it for a long time……
I have heard that in Canada you have to keep your ‘maiden’ name - by law.

Yes, it could go either way of who takes who's surname to be honest 😊

Is he thinking about taking your name? No? Then why are you thinking about taking his?

And yet, it almost never does.

You didn't just say that though.

I think most people are proud of their partners but equating that to taking their surname is odd, and never applies to men. I'm fucking brilliant but you don't see DP swanking about signing himself Mr Zapp.